How Do You Define Yourself?
Ask someone to define themselves and the answers can be telling
There are many things that define who we are as individuals. We are the makeup of our upbringing, our genetics, whatever society we happen to exist within, and plenty of other factors that contribute to the sum total of ourselves.
Often if you ask a person to define themselves and their identity, the first descriptor that usually comes to mind is your job or profession. You list yourself as a teacher, an accountant, a therapist, etc.
Then, you may go on to your family, your religion, your status as a citizen of a particular nation state. Perhaps you mention yourself as being a liberal or conservative, a feminist, a vegetarian, an NRA member, a veteran, or a member of some other group or organization.
And then what?
Ever notice how some people define themselves almost exclusively by their group affiliations and associations? They see a clearly defined structure with which to exist within, and run full speed into it as if their life depended on it.
I believe many people are terrified of their own individuality, so much so that they’ll do anything to avoid facing themselves. Honestly reflecting on who we are and what we want from life is difficult, and arriving at our own conclusions based on our experience without needing strict reference points can be incredibly difficult.
But the path of figuring yourself out isn’t easy because we are complex beings. No matter how much the media or school system might try to reduce our existence into easily digestible and simplistic versions of reality, the truth is that life isn’t that simple most of the time.
As a 31 year old who has done a large amount of soul-searching and introspection, I am only now starting to have a clear understanding of who I am and how I want to define myself. It would have been more convenient to fall into a predetermined/prepackaged identity, but it also would have led to a larger identity crisis at some point.
Mid-life crises are usually the result of an unexamined life
Going through life without a serious, honest, and in-depth analysis of yourself puts you at serious risk to have an identity crisis. It’s a crisis because, at some point in time, you realize that you have no idea who you are and what you actually want.
You tried to squeeze your individuality into a job, a religion, a family, an activist group, and it wasn’t enough to satisfy your innate desire for a meaningful existence. Looking to external sources to define who we are, such as our group association, doesn’t tend to work out very well.
What happens if people within that group are revealed to be deceptive and violent in one form or another? What happens if we realize the values the group extols are actually hollow and merely lip service to its stated goals?
Usually, people either double down on their irrational belief system/group identity or face up to the fact that one of their pillars has crumbled underneath them and they must now find a way to build a new foundation. The second option is taken much less because it requires a lot of effort and honest reflection, but it is ultimately the healthiest way forward.
So who are you if you aren’t your associations?
You are your thoughts, your beliefs, and most importantly your actions. You are the manifestation of your core values, assuming you put in the effort to live according to them.
Sustainable joy comes from a solid foundation of yourself, which comes from a persistent process of diving into your soul. Contentment comes from examining your beliefs, your actions, and finding ways to live consistently in accordance with your values.
Once we find out who we really are, we are much more immune to fall prey to irrational group think. Because that was never who we were to begin with. And thank god for that.
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Beautiful post @colinhoward. I always find something useful to think about from yr writings
We are all Love and all One.
Knowing that we are all One, we realize that everyone outside ourselves is merely another version of us. We are all just experiencing ourselves, and our Light is constantly shifting and never stagnant. So when even our perception can change so easily, nothing can ultimately be 'real', as 'real' is from my perspective a changeless state. No belief is ultimately 'real' nor any physical matter. All is Light energy shifting for good.
So I actually agree with everything you said, only with the "we are our thoughts" I might add that this from my experience only becomes true once we have decluttered external conditioning. Otherwise these are not our own thoughts but externally stirred thoughts.
Thank you! :)
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STOPREBT (Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy) has a tool for dealing with failure in one of or roles (or associations, as you named it).
You draw a circle and divide it into eight peaces (like a pizza) and you write one of you roles in each of the slices. For example, my roles could be: business plan writer, blogger, tango dancer, friend, human being, etc.
This enables us to realize that we are defined by a large group of roles, with the selection and success in each of them demonstrating how wide and varied our traits, beliefs, and values are.