Cycles of expectation and disappointment

Disappointment is uncomfortable, but it tells you something. A contrast in moral or behavioral code or conduct, between you and the other person.

There are two categories:

• A person has made an agreement that they did not keep
• An unspoken expectation that was not met

The first category is what I will focus on, because the second category can never be fully satisfied in every situation. Yes, we might meet people very similar to us, and have similar moral codes or codes of conduct, but since we have to interact with many more people than the few who will be very similar to us, the best thing to do with unspoken situations is maybe to let it go. In a serious relationship or friendship you will be able to explain the disappointment of expectations unmet. But as far as strangers go, it may not be worth the time to even be disappointed when they behave in ways that do not meet our expectations.

People and souls can be seen with different levels of moral caliber:

• Those who strive utmost to follow their word
• Those who will promise or agree easily but may not follow their word above their own desires or wishes
• Those who promise or agree easily but have no intention to actually do what they promise

In a social sense, we could say the first group are loyal and idealistic, with high moral caliber. A promise is a promise. They strive to neither over-promise or under-deliver. Telling the truth, and valuing another person enough to tell the truth and keep promises not only takes high moral caliber, but also bravery. People who keep their word are not afraid to ruffle social feathers by saying no or refusing something. People who keep their word know that in a reciprocal society, if they want high morality and loyalty, they can only achieve this by fervently upholding their own standards.

The second group are wrapped in the idea of being pleasant and oiling the gears of social interaction, but slip out of promises easily at the slightest inconvenience to them. Some people might have heard of "friends who are around when the going is good, but desert you when the going is bad". This is more or less the exact group described here. They feel like they owe no one anything, and they will loosely say yes to anything, with no real commitment to anything they say. If the wind changes, they will be gone.

The third group, which is an even more extreme version of the second group, could just as well be called sociopath liars.

Knowing how to identify these mental or personality traits will save some heartache.

We will always need to put something on the line in our first interactions with strangers, and it is up to us to decide how much to put on the line. I am not particularly suspicious, and take friendliness at fact value, but many people can fake friendliness. At the same time, I don't need to spend time being disappointed, because it is their failing not mine. I give them a chance, if they disappoint me with their moral conduct, I don't need to put any more of my trust on the line. It is something of a security check or a digital handshake, to verify whether this person is trustworthy or not.

On the side of compassion, it is sometimes beyond a person's control whether they can keep a promise. A person can also genuinely have good intent but fail to accomplish what they promise. A person's behavior upon not doing what was agreed upon, is even more telling than whether they did it or not: A loyal person with a high moral code will be extremely sorry for failing or forgetting to do something that was promised. A group 2 or 3 person will be very blasé about whether they did as they promised or not. Sometimes it can come in the form of a simple sorry and/or an excuse (Group 2), sometimes it can be more grandiose (Group 3 are serial liars), or total lack of acknowledgement since they don't care, and your friendship isn't that important to them. Sometimes they can simply disappear from your life without caring, even when they have been kind to you or seemed nice, and you have previously had a good friendship, to your knowledge.

Both heart and logic can co-exist.

Peace is found when you recognize reality and truth. We gather together: As ones who can strive for trust, loyalty and greatness. And the others, we leave be.

Wishing you peace in your heart and strong friendships,
Reina