Please Stop Saying You When You Really Mean I

in psychology •  last year  (edited)

If you pay attention during most interviews, speeches, and conversations these days you notice that too often people are speaking from an inappropriate and unconsciously manipulative form of second-person point of view. When you are aware of it, you experience them project their existence on to you as though you could have no other perspective of what will or has occurred other than the one they are having. You get the feeling like you're being injected into someone else's reality against your will. Often, because it has become such a normal and acceptable way of speaking, you don't even notice it is happening. If you build awareness around it you will start to observe not only when others are doing it, but you catch yourself in the act as well.

Or....

When I pay attention during most interviews, speeches, and conversations these days I notice that too often people are speaking from an inappropriate and unconsciously manipulative form of second-person point of view. When I am aware of it, I experience them project their existence on to me as though I could have no other perspective of what will or has occurred other than the one they are having. I get the feeling like I'm being injected into someone else's reality against my will. Often, because it has become such a normal and acceptable way of speaking, I don't even notice it is happening. As I am building awareness around it I have observed more not only when others are doing it, but I catch myself in the act as well.

Enough said???

Mmmmmmaybe one little bit of extra commentary...
It is my request to all fellow humans that we become more conscious of how we are speaking with each other. I invite everyone to bring awareness to their own patterns of speech, adjust accordingly, and have the courage to gently and diplomatically call this out in others. Language is a tool to be respected as, without caution, it can easily be turned into a weapon.

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Infinte Love,
Alexis aka @alexstacy

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Reason for that is trying to relate to other conversation participants. Worst that could happen is someone could be wrong. Seems fine to me.

  ·  last year (edited)

I understand the motivation is from a good intention of relation, however, I still feel we can relate just as well, and even better from my experience, when we give the listener the space to feel their own relationship to the thought being shared.

Maybe. I'll consider giving that a shot.

Can't hurt to at least pay attention to the difference and see how you feel around it. Let me know how it goes!

Speaking in third person is a good tactic for this -- "One should" "Someone" "Anyone" etc

I feel it can be an improvement in many cases, as long as we're still careful not to impose our beliefs and perspective onto the experience. Even "should" can feel a little oppressive to me in some circumstances. I feel if we use caution and add disclaimer words like "sometimes", "often", "could be", etc. we may avoid this, but it is still important to me to use the "I" when speaking from a personal opinion or perception.

True. I only say "should" to others when talking about myself or suggesting to them something I feel they can do that would help them out. Language is an important tool, though! I'm still trying to cut back on cursing.

That's another topic I've been thinking about writing on. Perhaps you will give me the inspiration to move on it. I don't believe their are curse words. I believe it's the intention behind them that makes them a curse or not, not the actual word.