Encouragement Without Deception
Offering words of hope, inspiration, motivation, etc, to someone can go a very long way to lift their spirit, strengthen their heart, and can also restore confidence. However, you also need to understand that while genuine encouragement can build hope, offering fake and deceptive words can destroy hope. You are to encourage people, but do not give them false hope. Your encouragement is not to deceive them into believing the impossible, rather it is about being able to empower them with the truth and make them see possibilities in life. Remember, hope should be built on reality, not on lies.
While I was in secondary school, I remember an incidence that happened. One of my classmates at that time missed the mid-term test which carries 40 marks because he did not come to school when it was taken for some reasons, and he felt very bad about it because he knew it was going to affect his result in that subject negatively. So I overheard one of us giving him encouragement about it. She was trying to make him feel good, and told him that if he can read very well for his exams and pass excellently well, he can still have an A in the subject. I quickly interrupted them because it was obviously very incorrect. To have an A, you must have a minimum of 70%, which not possible because he already missed 40%, leaving only 60%.
She was trying to encourage him to make him feel better, but she was obviously doing it wrongly. With the deficit of 40 that he already had, it would be impossible to have a 70 from an exam that is over 60. So I had to tell him the truth, and offered a better solution. I told him to meet the school management and appeal for a grace to resit the mid-term test since he was genuinely absent with a tenable reason. I even offered to go with him in order to increase the weight of the appeal. Luckily, it worked, and he was given another chance to take the test. He did, and scored 33 in it. Then in exam, he scored 39, making it a total of 72, which is an A. Imagine if he had gone with the words of the girl, he would have failed the subject because having only 39 from the exam would have been an F. It is true that you are to encourage people, but you should not bring deception to it to make someone feel good.
It is worthy to note that when you give encouragement, your goal should be to build and inspire strength, not to bring in elements of illusion. There are even times that, in order to make someone feel good or to cheer someone up, they might promise what they know they cannot even fulfill, or create an image out of nowhere. At first, the false hope may be soothing and may provide temporary feeling of happiness, but at the end, it will lead to disappointment. This is why, when you encourage people, you have to be real and avoid lies and deception, also avoid creating unrealistic expectations. You should focus on possibilities and what is achievable, even if it requires sacrifices to be made, efforts to be put, and patience.
You do not have to lie to motivate someone, neither should you exaggerate excessively. This is because, at the end, it may become counterproductive. Imagine a singer going for a singing competition and you tell them "you are the greatest singer I have seen, even if you do not rehearse, you will still win the competition." It may sound comforting, but it is definitely setting the person up for a major fall. You can rather tell the person "you are a good singer and you have all it takes to win the competition if you rehearse well." The latter will make them more responsible, build confidence, be disciplined, and determined.
As a leader in any capacity, or a mentor, friend and even family, you have to understand that encouragement carries responsibility. You may not know it, but what you say to someone can alter their perception, choices, actions, and mindset. If you feed people's mind with false hope or deceptive encouragement, it may ultimately lead them to heartbreak. But if you encourage and motivate them with honesty and compassion, you will help them to grow by taking responsibilities for their life.
Thanks for reading
