Nursery Rhyme Poetry [NSFW]

So most of these I wrote many years ago and never did anything with.....They aren't very good but I think they are funny, which is why I like them.

Mary had a little lamb....

Mary had a little lamb,
His name was Jean Claude Van Dam.
She rode him long,
She rode him hard.
Then one day he got his green card,
Well now he don't need that ho.
So he went lookin for some mo'.
Went to bed with Madonna,
Now he listens to Nirvana.

Humpty Dumpty....

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall,
Had one hell of a fall.
Cracked his head,
Then he bled.
Now that fuckin' Humpty's dead!

Jack and Jill....

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
To have a little fun.
But stupid Jill forgot her pill,
So now they have a son!

• or -

Jack and Jill went up the hill,
To fetch a pail of water.
But stupid Jill forgot her pill,
So now they have a daughter!

Little Boy Blue....

Little boy blue caught the flu,
Sucking on me and you.
So he went to the doc to get a shot,
Now he smokes a lot of pot.

Little Bo Peep....

Little Bo Peep lost her sheep,
Which really made her weep.
So she went to the store,
To buy some more,
Now she is a fucking whore!

Ol' Miss Muffet....

Ol' Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet,
To eat her curds and weigh.
When along came a man,
With his dick in his hand.
And asked if she wanted to play.

* I know these are stupid, I was in a very dark place about 20+ years ago when I wrote them all in a few minutes on a place mat in a restaurant; so don't hold it against me! *

---