Crossroad
A month or so ago, I wrote a shortish/longish poem in the style of Lord Byron, one of the few poets I remember well from my high school days. A long time ago.
I wanted to write a followup segment to that piece. Even though Byron's style is flowery and often overly dramatic, it's legitimately fun to write in. To some extent, it exhibits a bit of disregard for the reader's comprehension of the meaning (if any) that is trying to be conveyed, without appearing to be intentionally obtuse. At times, it even feels like the words are only meant to be read by the author, and anyone else whose eyes have stumbled across it is trespassing.
As a bit of counterpoint to @damianjayclay's very informative and educational poetry posts to the contrary (which espouses more concrete and clear terms as being more palatable to today's reader, a thing that I do agree with as well), I feel there is still room for poetry that conveys a general feeling or paints an intangible picture rather than telling a very specific story or emotion. Let the reader find what meaning he may, or none at all.
Crossroad
Dust clouds, a pale premonition
On my Achilles’ heel, which bears the
Body in coatless flight from these dreams that
Slink through its wake. Fearful
Demons built from brave youth,
Long after the questions,
Once the answers are told;
And the promise of hopes,
Those woven and known
Have fallen with mold,
Chilled still with the cold,
All burned into the fiber of the worn.
These dog my trodden steps
Written carelessly in the dirt.
The dust that clings
To me and reminds the callused
Soul I am running from
Everything I was foretold to be.
To the serpent in the plains,
The coiling, oily river,
So I see. Really a stream. Or,
A creek, barely a trickle, gone.
This, the easy threshold that I fear to span.
A void of the impending alien
Forevermore. Length crossed
By a bridge through the darkness,
Others might say, who see.
Just the bridge leading somewhere
Past the crossroad to anywhere.
Title image by @negativer using Canva
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I can slightly sense the Lord Byron wording, although Im just curious. What feel were you trying to convey here ? Anything specific?
It's less Lord Byron than my 'part 1', I grant.
The general feeling here is a man betrayed by the loss of youth, the failure of his own hopes, and the promises of life, and he looks forward to crossing the bridge to something else (to the other side? perhaps by his own action?), a step that once seemed so large and and distant, but it's almost nothing to him now.
So easy...
Now that you've explained it, I got a much better sense of it.
I do approve.
I like this portion:
This is breathtaking. It may be a bit obtuse, but in a beautiful way. This poem creates a mood and a sense of place. It leaves us with a feeling of having experienced something. For me, it is a feeling that I have traveled through a dusty place to a creek dried to a trickle. I feel parched and weary, yet hopeful that the bridge leads to somewhere.
I'm not sure which are my favorite lines, as I love them all. But these stand out, in particular:
But every word had me riveted. Wow.
Thanks! It is a bit obtuse and loose, but not excessively so. I'm glad you got something out of it; the benefit of vagueness is that it does offer any number of interpretations, and none of them can really be 'wrong'.
Thanks for reading, and offering your feelings on it!
Yes, and I think that makes it true art. What you have conveyed is something that each individual reader can interpret, like a great painting or a lovely piece of orchestral music. There are stories behind those things, but the artists create them and set them free so they can be contemplated by others who bring their own eyes, ears and context to the experience.
Lots of skilled use of poetic devices in here, but by far the best image is the Achilles heel the man actually uses to walk. Very nice.
Thanks @geke! I can't spin words like you, with that seemingly effortless, silky ease you have, but I don't mind pretending once in a while :)
You certainly achieved a Bryonesque rhythm and some powerful and original imagery:)
Thanks! :)
Nice stuff brosky! I forgot 'dog' could be a verb, so thanks for that. I'll probably use it non-stop for at least two weeks now :DDD
I just need a 50 word prompt that uses 'dog' as the prompt. We'll both be set then :)
The dog dogged the dogged dog doggedly.
Hey! That's seven words already!
Nice poet
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Upvote, Follow, and Resteem. Enjoyed it. I've done this with my first three books. The first Jim Morrison, the second Hunter S. Thompson, and the third Shakespeare. Everything's already been written write? LOL