My first poem in English. Native speakers, help me!

in poetry •  3 years ago

Firstly I wrote a poem, than a tune.
After that I tried to translate my song into English.
It’s my first attempt.
Native speakers, help me!
Tell me how it sounds? :)

Remember I was your woman.
Remember my hearty laugh.
I found love in a hut with trueman.
Was it your bluff?

Remember you kept me in arms,
Remember my amber locks
And charms of mimosas between us
Around the clock.

Remember vocation in mountains,
The sweet smell of yellowed field
And thousands smells of my skin,
And thousands smells of my skin
Are all that you'll ever need.

But now you remember quarrels,
You blame me for past mistakes.
Our lovestory needs a moral.
You chose escape!

Remember I’m pretty & crazy,
I’m tender like clouds you like.
This morning is so hazy.
You say good-bye.

When you look behind, just remember
My eyes crying near the doors:
I’ll never forget our November,
I’ll never forget our November,
My love, I’ll be only yours.

Thank you for reading!

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Your words are moving
The picture painted, keeps time going
Awesome & lovely sounds when said and flowing
Good job!

thank you very nice poem

Are those your own eyes?


Of course, they are mine:)


Nice poem :-)

In terms of English it is perfect, aside perhaps from "trueman", I'm not sure what that's supposed to mean. You could change it to "a true man" which would be grammatically correct but not idiomatic. "a real man" might be more appropriate but then it might not carry the meaning you intended.


Thank you! You can't imagine how it's a tremendous thing for me!