V Haiku (Day 75 of 100 -- poetry challenge)
an empty circle
a simple dot on a map
a floating ballon
Us, falling apart,
me, watching you fade away.
You, asleep in bed.
Heavy in the heart,
fire on the horizon —
raining down ash-haze.
A friendly looking
fiend, feverishly smiling,
fumbles foolishly.
Walking away fast
Your voice echoing ahead
All I see is red
All pieces are newly crafted and posted shortly after in adherence to the rules of the challenge. All the photos are mine unless otherwise stated.
Entry for Day 75 of 100 Days of Poetry Challenge by @d-pend.
Join the Steemit School here: https://discord.gg/yZvYjfM organized by @dobartim on Discord.
Though the fourth is the least Haiku-esque one (no caesura, or "turning point"), it is the one I like most in terms of reading enjoyment. I'm a great big fan of alliteration, and you, as I told you after you introduced me to your Soundcloud recordings, have not just a tendency for alliteration and darkness, but a knack for them, and the fourth mini-poem exemplifies that quite a bit.
The third is probably the best Haiku. And probably the best poem of the lot as well. Maybe it doesn't convey the same clear message as the fifth, and maybe it doesn't go for as sharp of a caesura as the first, but it has a good combination, and the imagery is the strongest.
Heavy, yet not too heavy. Short, but it feels larger on the inside.
And it is always a struggle to make a short piece such as this contain such weight, but this one succeeds.
As to the haiku in general, it is interesting to me how interesting haiku can be, to write, the focus of clarity and meaning it demands of you. Especially if you try to go for the syllabilic constraint, it forces your mind into a certain avenue. It is, like the best haiku, and your best haiku of the lot, bigger on the inside than on the outside.
To some degree, all poetry is such, but I feel the shorter and more constrained the form, the more true.
"I died a hundred times
You go back to her
And I go back to black"~ Amy Winehouse
<3
Wonderful set of haiku, Brava, Mamadini:)
Thank you, dear. I was/am inspired by all the Haiku I'm seeing round the halls of steemit. ;)
Awesome! Wonderfully stripped back poetry, and the presentation is so on point. A real pleasure to read :)
Thank you. :)
I realize that I missed the mark on one (Guy informed me) and that this is the American take with the 5/7/5 rather than the 3/5/3 which is more aligned with the idea when using English. However, I really love minimal and flash types of writing, so this form is rather comfy in feel for me. These were great fun to play with.
I wouldn't worry too much about the syllable counts - this works great as a minimalist piece, even if it does play fast and loose with the haiku tradition :) As you suggest out, and perhaps Guy said, the units of haiku don't really translate as 'syllables', as we use in English, more like sonic units. Hence 3-5-3 is often closer to the original sense of the form. This article really helped me get my head around it!
Thank you for this wonderful encouragement and the article (and site) as I can see upon first glance that I am very much going to enjoy it. :)
Of the five haiku's, I loved the fourth for its alliteration and the beautiful music that it produced. On the basis of feelings, I loved the second one. :)
Thank you, as always. I enjoy that you added the "feeling" aspect as that is such a big part of the game for me, with art. Have a fabulous day. :)
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