The End of the Twentieth Century [Day 1]
I measure words,
probability in a stranger’s eye
a fatal attraction to light
lingering in my pockets,
like a penny,
or a thought:
your eyes, they speak of loss.
Hand in hand, the leap before the fall.
Autumn leaves in Summer heat
trip softly, sensuously
falling over themselves like
paper airplanes and flagging tongues
in the wind.
Freedom is a feeling, validation
a release from feeling:
live, if you want-
Always offended, never ashamed,
a fallen empire built upon the ruins of
a fallen empire built upon the reunion of
‘I do’ – measuring the words in
weighted probabilities,
light dancing across
the eyes of a stranger.
“A penny for your thoughts,”
I think, “what’s the meaning of ‘this’?”
Your eyes tell me.
When the light hits this just right,
this could be love – your eyes,
they speak of lost pennies
and a promise,
or a thought.
Have you seen these flags raised
atop this rubble, stained with pride,
empires built upon the ruins of
bootstraps and the working class
strung out silently like
instruments of war
cascading gingerly, opulently
tripping over themselves like
hormones and flapping flags
in the wind.
if you want to live,
validate freedom;
if you want to die,
die waiting for love.
There is no suspect in this case,
it’s going to get worse before it gets better.
There is a light in your eye,
we've spoken a time or two.
I measured every word
twice,
'I do,'
I do.
A requiem for the blackest of nights
& all the spiders of the earth;
sleep tight.
Spoken word and free-verse poetry maven, @d-pend, is spearheading an amazing poetry initiative that he has made real here on Steem, The 100 Day Poetry Challenge, undertaken for Steemit School where @d-pend will be hosting a daily show dedicated to the initiative at 7 PM GMT.
I truly believe this initiative is not only going to grow poetry on the platform, but also inspire writers to pursue their craft and find comfort that they are not the only ones dreaming. I think that if we seize this opportunity to interact with other poet's poems and give each other words of encouragement and praise, we'll grow as a community and our presence and words and art will be felt here on Steem. <3
I am going to post to it from time to time (probably starting out strong just to give my full backing in every way I can to this inspiring initiative), but will mostly focus on doing my utmost to read, comment on and upvote as many poems as I can get to every few days.
For any reading this because of the initiative, I consider myself an Advanced poet, having written for just short of a decade. If you have any questions for me, or want to workshop poems, I am regularly in the @IsleofWrite discord channel, linked here.
![z_IOW_WM_BLACK.png](https://steemitimages.com/640x0/https://steemitimages.com/DQmZEyv3mmUo9AhQBsVtoZJtnssT9FS19A2yjnj84tn89G5/z_IOW_WM_BLACK.png)
@isleofwrite logo design by @PegasusPhysics
header photo base is public commons
This and every single word of the poem had me so excited that you joined the 100 days peotry challenge. Does that mean you will be posting master pieces like this every day ? :D
I wish you audio recorded this one, it would've been even more magical!
I'm going to try to slowly but surely upload audio for as many of my pieces as I can, my friend. Have done video so far, but we'll see how long that goes for.
Absolutely won't be posting things this good every day, was fortunate to have this mostly done in my many notes and ideas and decided I'd try to start off strong.
Some of my posts may just be scraps, things that I'm still working on or things that aren't good enough but have some value as a daily - we'll see how it all strikes me.
It's been a long time since I tried to write something daily - excited to follow your journey, too, my friend @hazem91.
...you write right through the heart of your reader. It's kinda scary. You have a talent.
takes one to know one, my friend!!![z_black_heart.png](https://steemitimages.com/DQmVUu1HB54QfvVVUyQnRmg4yH8paUf8CvFMVa9zWAd1YsY/z_black_heart.png)
I had this stuck in my head when I wrote day 2, this and my overzealous long-winded commentary.
This is amazing it reminds me of the band Rise Against. Not sure if you've ever heard of them before but most of their songs are poems with war style metaphors.
"Autumn leaves in summer heat trip softly, sensuously falling over themselves" this line was so descriptive, I had the most vivid picture in my head, lying under a tree watching the leaves fall and spin down through the air towards me.
Following (:
@charlotteroze Rise Against was once of my favorite bands growing up :-)
This is just the most kind comment, @charlotteroze, thank you.
I was a big metalhead growing up, and there was this weird elitism thing about not liking hardcore bands because they weren't "true metal" or somesuch similar nonsense. Thus, while I knew of them, I really missed out on listening to Rise Against in their prime and when I know I would have most enjoyed them.
That said, I can definitely tell you that the significance of such an amazing compliment is not lost on me, and I am super grateful.
Honored honored![z_thank_you.png](https://steemitimages.com/640x0/https://steemitimages.com/DQmWrTrWkybYa36YZgBzzUh6xqp5tstzUfeTHbGqLPwPYg2/z_thank_you.png)
Oh man! This is great, really great. That ending seals the deal. One of the things I feel I need in poetry is a dark undertow and this delivers with an "I do"...
Dark undertows are the only waters I swim, these days, because they are the only ones that always end up reflecting back the pieces of myself I most need to expose.
Words of praise from you mean much and more to me, @mamadini, you inspire some of my favorite words here on Steem, let alone write a good bit of them yourself - forever grateful.![z_thank_you.png](https://steemitimages.com/DQmWrTrWkybYa36YZgBzzUh6xqp5tstzUfeTHbGqLPwPYg2/z_thank_you.png)
::bows:: Thank you. :)
This is really amazing... I appreciate so much those that can really conjure up vivid images in the mind of the reader with such descriptive and creative use of language... You're a perfect example of how to do that with style!
Great to find you here.. Glad to be on this journey together... I appreciate the footnote about the contest in general... I am so psyched to be part of this and truly believe it's one of the best things to happen to the poetry community of Steemit.
So thanks for your involvement, for checking my writing out for day 1 and for commenting with your feedback... It means a lot to me as a totally new user here!
It's great to be making friends!
Wishing you luck and love on your travels through this.
With love
Hart Floe Poet
<3
I love your Mastery of the line break and placement of spacing. This gives the visual impact of the poem so much power and the words 'pop' because of it. Great work.
Thank you so much, @acousticsteveo; always a goal of mine, so unequivocally honored it came through to you, good sir.
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Oh! I'm so excited that you'll join the challenge! Reading this piece after hearing you speak of different aspects of your process today in class makes me wonder if you created a word map for this?
The reason why I'm curious is there is a very web-like, spiraling motion to this piece. Love how it fixates on and further develops certain ideas and phrases, "word, penny, thoughts, your eyes, etc." There is a sense of vertigo here - a bewilderment at the convolutions of our world and a need to discern an order therein.
I always connect deeply with poetry that addresses in total starkness our reality - and subtly peels away the surface for us to gaze deeper into the abyss - and what may lay beyond it.
Thank you so much for your contribution to this project already. It's been amazing so far.
multiple word maps, in fact, for this one - I wonder if I still have them somewhere...
yeah, a lot of times I attach cyclical motifs to expressions or messages in my wordmaps and try to create that connection in the context of the piece to convey this as best as I can through the weight of the phrase or word. Sometimes I do it better than others, but always happy when it works out as well as I was blessed for it to in this piece.
For me, I think words carry a lot of power beyond their meaning or use, conveyed in their history, their use in the past, the allusion of all the times that word was featured in something bigger than itself, and a meaning in their sound - the hard consonants, rolling delivery or jilted stagger; the calm against the calamity or a lilt before a prance. Maybe I'm crazy, but the weight seems tangible with so many words and it's something I try to be so conscious of.
It's funny because one of the things I always waffle with in this poem is if it ended up with an air of hope or not. You'd think, as the writer, it wouldn't depend on the day, but sometimes you look at something you write, I think, and immediately ask yourself "who wrote this?"
Cheers, my friend.
I went through your last 4 pieces in reverse order. This is the most "You" piece, in its style. I can tell you wrote it more in your older style.
This piece, as I often tell you of your pieces, is actually two. The juxtaposition of images, I feel, doesn't really add much to either, and detracts from both.
I can tell this is the sort of piece you'd edit, and edit, and edit. And well, it certainly needs a round or two of editing.
You know I am not one to kick off abstractions just for being abstractions, but this poem has something worse - platitudes. These are the cornerstones of a poem, but not when you have so many, and in the midst, often unpacked, and often two together. Or one after every stanza.
It's not the unpacking that is needed, but sometimes less is more. This poem is buckling under its own weight.
And it's a shame, because there are many lovely turns of phrase here. The ideas? Some are lovelier than others, but it's a mixed bag, which is an issue for the clarify of message. It is a topic you often return to, using the urban landscape of modern-life as a stand-in for emptiness, and of things closing in on you even so.
Also, even if you change nothing else, I think a round of editing just the punctuation can strengthen this piece quite a bit.
My favourite image. Probably because I can think of far too many it applies to.
yeah, I definitely spent the most time with this one as well, which is reflected.
hmm hmm, that's something for me to think on. This may prove to be one similar to the one I'm working on now (the first work of mine you graced with a comment) where I didn't see it then but will see later that your are quite right (the "then" here being the now).
hmm hmm, more for me to think on - so much of my judgement, I think, is clouded by the new. Much of the original drafts was deleted, and now I'm wondering if, over the time it took to go from then to now, I lost too much along the way.
At your words, I certainly think I did - this will be one to revisit after all is said and done. Thank you, Guy.
The one upside to sharing my drafts as I work on them - I can always return to prior versions.
Maybe you should work in word, or OneNote (great program!), and have a new break/"tab" for each version. That'd also help you with publishing the wrong draft :P
Google docs is not the way to go. Unless you use a "master" version" just to post each revision, without changing things there.
We see the truth in the eyes, in the tensing of the mouth or cheeks,
The language of the body as it flows in its own song...
When I look back i often find that I had known all along from the beginning how things would end.
Thank you for the lovely poetry, refreshing and inspiring.
Wishing you new Light and new Love
so much conveyed in ways language can't even comprehend; I always wonder how much is lost from my mind to my mouth because this language can't 100% accurately capture the true nuances of meaning.
Lovely comment, @onewithearth, thank you.![z_thank_you.png](https://steemitimages.com/640x0/https://steemitimages.com/DQmWrTrWkybYa36YZgBzzUh6xqp5tstzUfeTHbGqLPwPYg2/z_thank_you.png)