Last And First Of It

I feel weird, unreal, like i’m walking in a dream of some sort. I’m packing up my stuff like i would when i’m leaving to have a vacation and at the same time i know in back of my head i’m not coming back. I feel sad and excited at the same time. Sad because i have to leave my apartment, my year full of hard work behind. Excited to escape, see and experience something new.

I guess i’m fucked up as a human being. I feel really emotional about my stuff, i hate to leave my apartment because i think it is the most beautiful thing i’ve ever created. I hate to leave my plants to Eve’s daycare, even if i know there is nobody who would take better care of them. I hate to leave Igor to my parents place, and i feel like shitty owner not being able to take him with me. There is more room in the countryside and he can storm free without leach, have a playmates because there is also my bro’s and my dad’s dogs there. But still, i feel awful.

This is my last day in the Jtown. Packing, doing laundry, taking care of some last things before leaving. Friend and old boss of mine asked if she could get expansions from my monstera deliosa, as a reminder of me. Even if i know she is one of the rare i actually keep in touch. I had like 10 cuttings from my monstera already ready for planting so i thought it would be nice to visit her on my last day in the town and give her a gift.

These goodbyes between me and other people aren’t that emotional. We don’t weep. There is no huzz no fuzz. It is just plain and simple goodbye. We might see each other, or not. It really doesn’t even matter. We were part of each others lives for a while and that is something that counts.

Even if I’m stubborn as fuck, i learn something from everyone, sometimes by choice, sometimes by accident. I believe that we as a human beings just collides and interacts with each others lives when there is reason for that, and when the lesson is learned we move on. I don’t see it as a sad thing. It is just fulfilling some greater cause in the journey of our lives.

This is also my first night in the new home town. After traveling for hours and losing my nerves with two huge suitcases and public transportation, I managed to get to my temporary home. It truly is weird hand in someone else’s home without them being home. It is almost night and it is hot like in hell still, my friend showed me that there is beach near the apartment so I decided to go swimming and taking maybe a few photos from my new hoods. I needed to set my mind straight anyway so alone time in the seaside would suit fine.

Although I feel a bit weird about everything, there is something really calm and soothing about everything. Maybe I’ll find my place again.