Unregrettable, in every way

In a post recently, I mentioned that when I look back I can see that I have made some bad decisions and took some wrong turns. I didn't work as hard as I could have at the things I should have to be where I could have potentially been had I done a few things differently. Some people took this as me having regrets.

Most likely, they are projecting for I do not have regrets about this. These missteps, and errors were made as I could do no different at the time. I accept them as decisions as who I was at the time with the knowledge and skills I possessed then. Essentially, what else can I do given who I am in the given moment?

I don't believe in fate as it is essentially a useless concept. If fate is true, no matter what one does, one is always exactly in the position fate would have you which means, you can still do anything and fate does not limit for whatever you try is still within its bounds. If fate is however false, it doesn't change anything anyway as it means there are still no bounds.

I do think however that in any given moment we are limited in our actions by who we are at the time but recognizing that can give the impetus to change for the next moment. Some may see this as fate, but it really doesn't matter to me. But, looking back is often associated with either living in the past or living with regrets which I see both as flawed psychologically and quite unhelpful.

Firstly, living in the past is an attempt to hold onto something that was. this is often an attachment to positive moments like when one was captain of the football team at high school while life has been in a downward trend since. But, negative things like an abusive childhood can also get attached to with one reliving it over and over, the continual victim.

Regret on the other hand is a punishment of the current self for being lacking in the past. This too is unhelpful as the punishment of saying 'woe is me' does nothing to develop the self, it is sulking and a waste of energy.

But, for me, looking back is a way to carry the lessons into the moment and benefit from the errors of the past. Often, I see that in the past I suffered from a lack of work ethic so, in the present I am pushing myself into more uncomfortable territory work-wise.

I also suffered from a lack of drive to push myself into a wider range of skill set. I would only enter into things I already felt I would be pretty good at and avoided where I was uncertain. This pervaded even the most basic and risk-less of situations, the kinds where one can learn a lot cheaply. So, here I am pushing my mind to where it is uncomfortable for the world to see, which is another area I would avoid. Public failure always scared me and I am trying to drive out the demons.

So, there are no past regrets in my mind, there are many, many past lessons though. What I do understand in myself though is even though what I do and what i know has changed considerably in many different ways, who I am then, now and in the future will always be me. They say that you should love yourself, flaws and all. People often take this to mean physical imperfections which to me are quite superficial although part of who we are.

I take it to mean that we should accept our self as the constant along our own timeline, not based on the conditions of any one moment or action whether it is bad or good. Regret is a judgement of the person that was, living in the past a judgement of the person that is. The love of the self must be unconditional and therefore outside of judgement.

This doesn't mean that my thoughts, words and actions cannot be analysed and torn apart as even though they are from me, they are not me. I can keep, change or discard them all and I am still me. A constant in my timeline.

Taraz
[ a Steemit original ]