Why do we seek approval? Why do we seek love from external sources?

in philosophy •  last year 

Hey guys and gals, I have recently seen a video of a young fellow crying on video saying nobody loves him, that it's 2018 and that he's the only one without a girlfriend. At this moment I realized it's not just him, a lot of people feel the same way. But why? Why would you need partners love to feel loved?

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photo source, Licence CC0

Before your partner's love you have to love yourself

Many people make a mistake of thinking they can hate themselves and feel miserable, sad and depressed, and then those thoughts and feelings will miraculously disappear by the feeling of love. Your partner could love you with all his being and do things for you that are out of this world, but as your feelings lie deep down, it will all be for nothing.
Before your partner's love, you have to love yourself, but most importantly you gotta know how to love - Do you KNOW how to love and be loved? is a post by a friend of mine and I suggest reading it with your full concentration.

We were all taught by approval

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photo source, Licence CC0

When we were kids we didn't have limits, fears or doubt. We didn't think about consequences. Sadly as we were growing up and we learned what all of them are - we made ourselves limits. Limits to growth, limits to aiming for the skies as you're taught -"What if you fall from the sky?". And that worm of doubt trained our brains to seek approval from friends, family, teachers, bosses, partners... When a person in your circle says "Go for it, I believe in you." "You are right" We get released from the doubt. Why can't we release ourselves? Why don't we approve ourselves?

This is where we can use that example as a metaphor for a relationship. Why do you need your partner to tell you that you are beautiful, that they are lucky to have you, that you are their everything, that you are loved?

BE FREE!

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photo source, CC0 License

Release YOURSELF from seeking approval, if you want to do something - JUST DO IT!
When you do things that you want to do, without the approval of anyone, you will love life, you will have the power to say no and to say yes. No more maybes, you will be your own person. You will love yourself because other peoples opinions won't have an effect on you. Don't think loving yourself is selfish! You will still love other people and know where to use your bad vibes for making goals happen.

It's not a very long post but I just had to try passing a lesson that I believe is very much needed to some. My fellow Steemers, I have seen lately that you aren't commenting on my posts.
I love to see your comments, your rants, your discussions, your questions and answers, quotes... So I have some questions for you:

Did you ever seek approval?
If yes, why?
If no, why?
I'd love to hear You.

Stay positive, driven and keep spreading those good vibes! 💚 Love from positivity420

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You have been upvoted by the @sndbox-alpha! Our curation team is currently formed by @anomadsoul, @guyfawkes4-20, @martibis and @fingersik. We are seeking posts of the highest quality and we deem your endeavour as one of them. If you want to get to know more, feel free to check our blog.

This is a courtesy of @fingersik

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Thank you, my fellow steemers, how can the rest of us support the initiative? Going to search information about your initiative when I am done with the meeting. I am not good at multitasking. :) Thank you once again for the support and the honor.

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You can support us either by spreading the message about us, delegating some of your SP to our account, or following our trail through Steemauto. I dont recommend doing the last 2 options since your SP is still low. The best thing you can do is to write an article about us and then when you reach 500SP you can follow our trail with like 10% :)

@fingersik

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Wow, thank you for consideration, I most definitely will, maybe not tomorrow but when I cover all of your initiative aspects and then make a very detailed post :)

I loved this, and thanks for the mention honey 💚

Seeking approval can be a good thing if we seek it in moderation. There is something called outside input and inside input. We need both to make a quality output and we need those two to be in balance. If we are more concentrated on other peoples opinion we neglect ourselves and when we shut ourselves completely from the world and everything that it brings us, we lose a lot of sources that can educate and teach us. As for your questions, I seek approval a lot, but I do not always accept it or use it. I like to hear different views and opinions and then mix them up with mine to get the best possible result.

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No problem :)
Maybe I've written the post wrong because I didn't mean you shouldn't hear other perspectives. My point was for not needing the approval of what you will wear or who will you love and other things. Meeting new people and sharing views, discussing topics has nothing to do with that. At least it wasn't my point dear💚
Thank you, I love your stance on the balance, as I stated for approval, maybe I have expressed myself wrong. Definitely, some people are an oasis of knowledge, perspective changes, and good vibes. Thank you again so much for answering. :)

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You wrote the post perfectly 💚
That was just me rambling on... :D

Life is too short to worry what people think ;)

"Many people make a mistake of thinking they can hate themselves and feel miserable, sad and depressed, and then those thoughts and feelings will miraculously disappear by the feeling of love." - this is so true.

If one side seeks emotional and mental stability in the other person, most of those relationships are not long term sustainable. Sooner or later the fears and insecurities of the person seeking approval come out and start being problems for the relationship. That's why it's always said that you have to love yourself first. But that's a long and hard process. It can't happen over night.

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I love the way you think, and I am honored you quoted me :) Thank you. Nothing happens overnight and my favorite quote "Nothing worth having comes easy." - as well as loving yourself, it's worth having. :) Did you see the questions? I'd love to hear the answer.

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:) True, it is not easy to learn how to love yourself. We all constantly seek love and attention, but being single is not the worst thing in the world. Actually it's great.

I seeked approval, mostly through love and relationships. I would always pick the wrong people and then would try everything to make it right. I was scared of being alone. What helped me was when I went abroad twice for 5 months each time. I was alone and completely independent and didn't have time for "love sh*t" because I had to make my money and survive. So I kinda learned to love myself when I was by myself. I learned to value myself and my free time and that nothing can be forced if it's not meant to be.

But when it comes to seeking approval from people around me, I really don't care what they think. Of course I don't want to seem weird to others, no one wants that. But I can handle people not liking me.

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It is scary to be alone, but only until we are at peace with ourselves and love ourselves. I am glad you learned from your experiences, and that you had the chance to go abroad to realize who you are and to love you.
Yea I get you, it's good to hear an opinion, but not when it demands you to not do you. :) Wonderful answer thank you for taking the time to share a piece of you with us. :)

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You are welcome :)) Keep up the good work, I love your posts. Excellent English, not a single mistake. Good narrative and interesting topics. A+

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Thank you very much, teacher, hahah :)

Hm... Zašto nam je potrebno da čujemo od partnera da smo lepe i da su srećni što nas imaju? Pa, realno, nije potrebno, ali lepo je čuti s vremena na vreme. 😉
Naročito u braku. Sitnice čine život, a to su one sitnice koje ga ukrašavaju. 😊

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@micika987 Ne kazem da nije lijepo, ali nekim ljudima je to prekopotrebno jer ne znaju svoju cijenu, kad tude misljenje previse utjece na njihova djela i misljenje, karakter i sto ide ostalo :) Naravno da je lijepo cuti, daleko od toga. :) Za sitnice si u pravu, sitnica po sitnica vise nije sitnica. :)
Did you see the questions? I'd love to hear the answer.

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Sometimes I like to hear someone's opinion, I wouldn't call it approval. In general I do what I think is best. I mostly appreciate the opinion of my mother and sister.

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Thank you for answering, yeah I meant on approval, not really opinions, but you are right, and I love that opinions of people who matter are appreciated. I also like to hear from my family :) Thank you!

I don't like or need approvals!
All we need is to drop everything imposed by society, and that is a variety of constraints...

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Enjoy the freedom and fly like a bird. :) Definitely, we only got one life!

I am married for yayks! years in harmonious marriage, never had a problem, but a partner for me is to share time, not an emotional dependency. It is nice to be emotional, but not overly. Love is a very complex thing and everybody seeks a different thing.

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I am happy to hear that you are you and not what someone wants you to be. Yea, we are all different :)

I liked reading this and it's making me think why as well.... I don't think I can answer it until I search myself deep down. Why do I seek love from others or approval? I need to seek it from myself... You're right! I will need to ponder about this to get a real answer from myself. Need to learn how to love myself, instead of letting what others said what I was growing up to dictate who I am today!

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Thank you for the kind words. I am not saying to be self-centered but when you think about it, we are main actors in our movies... Sometimes a side actor will give a good advice or change the whole plot for better or worse but we will remain, main actors :) Please, let me know when you have the answers, and when you start doing you! :)

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I dont think I've ever done me! Little's have entered into my life just over 3 years ago and it is NEVER about me anymore, if it ever was lol Now, more than ever, I need to have some of me for just me. That way I can better take care of and love the ones who are most important in my life. It isn't about being self-centered, but if you cannot love yourself then how can you expect to give love to others. Pure love at that!

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Maybe you did, but you're just a little different you now? :D We change our shells, or at least we should. To grow is to change :) Congratulations, I get how you feel haha :) Definitely, and yea you got that on point about, but I just didn't express myself the best way in the comments, English is my second language so sorry for that :) Thank you.

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You're doing great for your second language! Didn't catch that ;) And thank you! When growing up I was picked on by the neighborhood kids. For some reason I was the target, perhaps it was because I was the more loving one and had my heart on my sleeve kind of thing. I would be called many names and other things done to me, which lowered my self esteem/confidence. Took it to heart and believed most everything they said about me. My self value was very low due to that. I tried to ignore it and not let it bother me, but being young that's hard to do! Now that I'm an adult with my own kids I could care less what other people think! Just need to heal myself from the damage I took at a younger age.

Sorry for the rant! ;D

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Yea bullies tend to pick on the ones who have feelings so they make them numb... bastards. Sorry to hear that I wish someone was there to stop it, my friend and I were always defending the kids that were bullied.
I am glad you have a clear mind now and care only about kids and your sake! You will heal if you forgive! No, don't be sorry, thank you for opening up on internet, it's hard to do, I myself also did a post about my life :) Thank you very much, sorry for not responding I haven't been steeming lately had some shit going on

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I would run to the parents and tell them what the others would do, but they brushed it off for whatever reason and wouldn't stop the other kids from doing wrong. After doing that a few times i would take matters into my own hands and resorted to pushing them and other minor things to shut them up. Once that happened my aunt started calling me a bully. Fighting isnt my thing. Never has been, but being young and unheard what is one supposed to do.... even after being picked on by the others i would always try to keep things fair among the kids during games or snacks we would get. Be the referee

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From what I understood your aunt is either a toxic person or she just didn't know you defended yourself. Yea I understand, you gotta have your own back, neither do I like fighting but when you don't have anything else to resort to then just let it all out and send them to hospital :D
The strongest people are the one who got hurt, and still carry a big heart full of love to share, because they didn't break under bullies and toxic people. :) I love your personality thank you for sharing I really appreciate it :)