I think this is an interesting conversation, and can be somewhat tricky.

I've lived in the paradigm that "there is no free will" and in the paradigm that "I have control over all of my actions".

I think the answer lies in the paradox.

The "there is no free will" paradigm is used to shirk responsibility for how someone's actions are affecting one's life and the lives around them.

The "I have control over all of my actions" is used to avoid the natural humanness that you speak to in your article.

Both are delusional as they are the same belief of personal victimhood but on a different side of the coin.

We don't have as much control as we'd like to believe, as we're influenced by so many factors as you mentioned - the "hot coffee" events that are responded to throughout the day. Our unconscious or subconscious actions are influenced by our ancestral DNA and conditioning, environmental factors, fear-based manipulation, etc.

The beautiful thing though about the human race is that we may not have "free will" - we have freedom of choice.

We're able to transmute our unconscious and subconscious behaviors into conscious ones and make different choices based on the feedback that reality is giving us.

That in itself requires responsibility over our choices.

Without taking personal responsibility, and at the same time without surrendering to our lack of free will, we can't begin to influence reality in a positive direction that's beneficial for all of mankind.

Living in that paradox in my opinion is absolutely crucial to living an empowered and positive life.