So my ex broke up with me (first one) at the beginning of February 2000. They threw away of 3 year long relationship. She said for a year she knew she didn't really love me but she just kept the relationship going just because. I feel played and I feel abandoned. I put my heart and soul on the line for her. I never cheated on them but they cheated on me with a dude. I still took her back after that. I still put up with drama.
All I want is a relationship that is drama-free. I want to get to know someone on a deep level. A kind that goes like, either you love me for me or leave. I'll be honest I suffer with anxiety and depression, but that isn't All of Me. I may singing karaoke, but they don't take up all my time. Everybody has issues and everybody has things are going through. It's better to deal with stuff with someone then deal with alone. Is that to much to ask for?
I feel like I just need to write something down tonight. I keep having these spells of confusion about depression, trying to figure out why am depressed, It seems so senseless. It's like all of the sensors in my brain are breaking down, and the ones that are still working are scrambling around trying to fix the ones that are not working properly. Yeah it doesn't make any sense does it. I'm feeling very depressed tonight, and I don't know why. I've been doing very well at checking off the things on my list, things that I've been neglecting. But today I ran into a wall, and all I can feel her hopelessness and despair. I must sound pretty pitiful tonight. Maybe I'm depressed because I know without a doubt that I will have to cope with depression for the rest of my life, yes that's a pretty discouraging thought. Really. Where is the hope? Sometimes I don't believe that as long as we're breathing there is a thing called hope.
I believe that a trusting attitude and a patient attitude go hand in hand. You see, when you let go and learn to trust God, it releases joy in your life. And when you trust God, you're able to be more patient. Patience is not just about waiting for something... it's about how you wait, or your attitude while waiting.