Penned bullshit ~All too often

...or

Not often enough,

do I lose my shit, but not so much that I lose my shit. I tend to be angry but fully in control. I am spontaneously deliberate and don't give a fuck...

I lose my train of thought the moment I see the schedule and create a schedule for things without any thought. I move forward while looking sideways and go sideways with an eye on my back. The future is uncertain...

Simple things confuse me, and supposed complex things I find amusing. I am the dumbest smart person I know and I don't know what I am supposed to know. Given that once I do know something it was probably not the right god damn thing...

I don't believe but have faith. I hope constantly with ferocity, small miracles passing by hourly. The coffee is ready and it is time for a smoke break. I need to use the word rake now since that rhymes with break and this train is coming in but was never scheduled...

I killed my smoke, so I can type faster. The words I write tend to end in disaster, not the kind you see but more mental like aunty kitty and her menthol. Simple little concepts bind into ideas with implementations only to find you have no relation to what is being discussed and sip your beer, sneer and laugh a bit queer.

I would like to interrupt your scheduled unscheduled programming with some tactical misdirection that might indicate some intention.

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I won't change, I will only refine. I am convinced I am not the one misaligned. The rest seem fucking crazy and most of it I find hazy.

Insincerely I listen to them sincerely explaining their position only to realise that every word is coming from someone I could learn to despise. Is it the words or the person? The things that surround me or this thing crawling inside.