Self Respect

in #paytiforward4 years ago (edited)

For the past 20 days, I have been living in this tiny room people called a "flat." I had been told numerously that I am lucky because I do have every possible thing I needed in life (hot water heater, microwave, small fridge and stove) but still, I do not really feel it as home. There is no plumbing. The bathroom is just a bunch of shower curtains held together by laundry clips. There is no plumbing. Most of all, I have to run out of the yard to go to the toilet. But despite these issues, the landlady and everyone else seems to think that the place is an ideal- even enviable place to live.

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Of course, being me, I have to verbalize my concerns. I told her that I do not feel safe. That the space is cramped. That I needed to move on because, everything is so uncomfortable. My landlady's initial reaction was of anger, annoyance and frustration. She kept "drilling" me with all the benefits of living there. I ended up making excuses as a desperate measure to get out of that place.

Yesterday, I have just moved into another place and though the tedious job of traveling from here to the city might become a challenge, its something that I am so ready to take on. Though unconsciously, I really did not think about this but then, I realized that deciding to leave that place and saying no gave me this: self respect.

Self respect is defined as holding yourself in esteem and believing that you are good and worthy of being treated well.

--yourdictionary.com

In a group

Not that I am resenting my background but, oftentimes, I find it difficult to give me this.The external pressure from everyone to conform with the group rather than prioritize me and my concerns is palpable. Since the welfare and cohesion of the group is being prioritized, it felt to me that I lost my sense of individuality, my self- esteem and self respect.

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Self-respect is the respect you have for yourself, while ego is your understanding of your own importance.

--Mind Valley

Sometimes, people would judge me for being arrogant and egoistic because I would always let other people know my concerns in life. Its not about being viewed right. Its not even for the express purpose of people taking my side. Its all about self respect.

Pride

A lot of people these days only perceive this word in a negative way. But for me, being proud of my own identity, recognizing the connections that I had with my accomplishments and,integrating them into who I am is essential. Which is why I was able to develop my very own sense of self worth.

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Its not about having the power or prerogative to dominate or demand a certain type of treatment. Its all about having the confidence to stand up to people who felt that I will always accept whichever way they treat me even if that meant being dealt with in an uncharitable way.

Where I am now

One of the things that I usually look for in any type of relationship- either personal or professional is this: respect. If I feel that the person does not respect me, I send them out or, I will go into this business only mode.

I know that its kind of hard to believe this but, I started forgiving all the freaks that I have encountered so far because, I want to live my life peacefully. By doing so, I am able to let go of the past. Its not about me telling me now that what happened is right. Its about recognizing that it happened and, it had gone by. I am not even cultivating any relationships with these people. But the thought that I "let go" of all the negativity in my system allowed me to look ahead and not back.

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Whenever people see me working out or putting on some sheet mask, the first thought that always comes into their minds was that, I am trying to attract someone. Honestly, I am doing these because it makes me feel better. Though no "dramatic" changes happens, the thought that I am looking after myself and ensuring that I am at the best possible condition felt great. I taught myself how to cook my favorite food, eat nutritious food or smoothie and stay away from bad company even when that meant being alone most of the time.I never smoked or drink alcohol, take in prohibited drugs or any addictive substances that might be detrimental to my health.

I started cultivating relationships with people who advocate for me. People who will never pressure me to accept things even if it makes me feel uncomfortable.Peers who will accept my choices and who are not afraid to tell me the "other side of the story." I see potential relationships in everyone I met. Most of all, I practice self reflection. I try to see things from other people's perspectives especially when making decisions that could possibly impact them.

I can finally say, I love me without feeling that lingering guilt that I am too arrogant, selfish or self serving. That is enough reason for me to get out of bed everyday knowing that I have a good understanding on my self worth and standing in this world.

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