Ego Death, Oil and mixed media on panel

Dear Steemians and Palnetians - thank you for listening to me these past 3 weeks. You are helping me stay sane through the most difficult time of my life: Right Now!

The Pluto Saturn Conjunction is for me, behind these events. The living situation I am in has outworn it's usefullness to both of us and it's time to move on.

William has not paid the rent - he thinks he doesn't have to. A friend gave me some money since I have no job due to constant Sciatica and I wonder if I should pay the rent this month just to carry William over till hopefully he gets balanced. He is supposed to go to his shrink tomorrow. Will he go? I don't know.

I asked a friend - and he suggested I suggest that we split the rent. Our original agreement is out the window - where he pays the rent and I buy the food. I have to discuss it with him - but I can't get him on the phone - I have no idea where he is. I hate to pull the rug out from under William when he needs the rug the most - I don't know what to do, so I am going to wait and do nothing until it is clear what to do.

Moving is the most stressful time. The house is in total chaos. Many of my possessions are boxed up and ready to go. I got in the pristine BMW Sedan of a new friend last night and a cloud of down feathers floated out of me coat... so I had to dig out my sewing box (which I never use) from the rubble of packed stuff, and sew up this hole in my new2me down coat that I got at the Thrift store a few weeks ago.

My BFF and I had a huge fight this morning. Over what? I feel like he is in spiritual competition with me, criticizing me and telling me what to do from a lofty spiritual hilltop... but later he told me he feels like I am competing with him. It's probably me. Whenever I see something in another that I want them to change - it's always me.

I talked to a friend of mine after we struggled. I called him back and asked him to help me ... but in the end of that conversation I was forced to take responsibility for myself. My main life's problem seems to be my over-dependence on other people.

The Pluto Saturn Conjunction is perfect timing - this post really makes clear what is going on - in my 2nd house - the house of finance: and BFF and I are looking at consolidation. It is very hard for me to pack up all my stuff and downsize it and take only a few things to his house. I am a big personality and so is he, but it's HIS HOUSE and I am the one who has to pair down. Consolidate. I am resentful and fearful about this.

I am going to be using this prayer regularly right now. I am going to say it before each conversation with everyone ... it feels like a tall order but it also feels good in my heart.

Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace!
That where there is hatred, I may bring love.
That where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness.
That where there is discord, I may bring harmony.
That where there is error, I may bring truth.
That where there is doubt, I may bring faith.
That where there is despair, I may bring hope.
That where there are shadows, I may bring light.
That where there is sadness, I may bring joy.
Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort, than to be comforted.
To understand, than to be understood.
To love, than to be loved.
For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.
It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life.

Previous Posts

1 https://steemit.com/mentalhealth/@in2itiveart/the-manic-depressive-type
2 https://steemit.com/mentalhealth/@in2itiveart/the-manic-depressive-type-more
3 https://steemit.com/mentalhealth/@in2itiveart/it-s-a-pain-in-the-ass-being-an-empath
4 https://steemit.com/mentalhealth/@in2itiveart/gravely-disabled-what-does-it-take-to-be-considered-gravely-disabled
5 https://steemit.com/palnet/@in2itiveart/huge-art-giveaway-inadvertant-christmas-giving
6 https://steemit.com/palnet/@in2itiveart/venting-re-the-manic-depressive-drunk-where-i-live
7 https://steemit.com/palnet/@in2itiveart/72-hours-vacation-or-hopefully-more-from-cray-cray-dude
8 https://steemit.com/tribevibes/@in2itiveart/the-manic-depressive-type-is-in-the-hospital
9 https://steemit.com/tribevibes/@in2itiveart/it-s-a-miracle-sigil-for-wm-to-get-the-care-he-needs
10 https://steemit.com/tribevibes/@in2itiveart/the-manic-depressive-type-i-had-to-file-2-orders-of-protection
11 https://steemit.com/tribevibes/@in2itiveart/the-manic-depressive-type-now-i-am-really-afraid-for-my-life
12 https://steemit.com/tribevibes/@in2itiveart/the-manic-depressive-type-the-shocking-reality-of-our-court-system
13 https://steemit.com/tribevibes/@in2itiveart/the-manic-depressive-type-and-his-drunk-boyfriend-the-saga-continues
14 https://steemit.com/palnet/@in2itiveart/the-manic-depressive-type-help-on-the-way
15 https://steemit.com/tribevibes/@in2itiveart/the-manic-depressive-type-our-first-day-in-court
16 https://steemit.com/palnet/@in2itiveart/the-manic-depressive-type-is-coming-down
17 https://steemit.com/palnet/@in2itiveart/the-manic-depressive-type-is-back-home-omfg
18 https://steemit.com/palnet/@in2itiveart/the-manic-depressive-type-is-actually-schizoaffective

The Story Book Version

https://steemit.com/art/@in2itiveart/the-yeti-and-the-mermaid-the-true-story-of-2-people-who-needed-help-and-helped-each-other-chapter-1
https://steemit.com/art/@in2itiveart/the-yeti-and-the-mermaid-the-true-story-of-2-people-who-needed-help-and-helped-each-other-chapter-2
https://steemit.com/art/@in2itiveart/the-yeti-and-the-mermaid-chapter-3
https://steemit.com/art/@in2itiveart/the-yeti-and-the-mermaid-chapter-4
https://steemit.com/tribesteemup/@in2itiveart/the-yeti-and-the-mermaid-chapter-5
https://steemit.com/tribesteemup/@in2itiveart/the-yeti-and-the-mermaidchapter-6
https://steemit.com/tribesteemup/@in2itiveart/the-yeti-and-the-mermaidchapter-7
https://steemit.com/tribesteemup/@in2itiveart/the-yeti-and-the-mermaid-chapter-8