Wish Someone Knew... I Wish Someone Would Show Me That They Really Cared.

I wish someone knew what was going on inside of me, up inside my mind, every single day of my life. It's so tiring when you long for something that never comes or for something that you can never get to because you don't have enough time or energy to get there. I had plans to make you feel whole. I had dreams of making you know the trues part of my soul. IF I could find a way, I'd bring it all back to life, right now. But, I screamed out, if you loved me you'd leave me. LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE! It's so tiring to not have anyone to talk to about the things that are running through your mind. But, I'm not going to leave, because you're all I've ever known of love and life. My life was ruined the day you walked away. The day you went away was the day my heart died.

As if someone cares enough to hear what you're going through, sympathize or even empathize with you. Bring you back to life! I'd take the storm that comes from your eyes. I'd do anything to bring you back... I never got enough time to tell you how much that I loved you. The struggle and pain shared through passion and devotion. I wish I had someone to help me find my way. Someone that mirrors the heart inside of me the way you did. Someone, somewhere, to show me they aren't all the same. I wish something miraculous would happen already. I've been there on my knee's and I've been showing up every day standing on my feet. I've been working 2 weeks straight through... I've been working endlessly through the blistering pain and this hollow shell of a life, but nothing seems to gain. In the end I feel buried and living up to my neck in sorrows. Sorrows that swallow up my mind, and drown in a place where there is no more joy felt in this world, and there is no more passion you once gave, that seems even worth trying yet another time. After hundreds of attempts at finding that place where I belong and feel that I actually have a life worth living, you start to give up, you start to feel like a slave, little by little, you die a little more each day. You're supposed to be okay with this... but this isn't REAL. This isn't RIGHT! This isn't YOU! This heart you gave. This heart you take away! This kind of vision you start to kill, slowly as if you're killing, you. You start to wonder where all your yesterdays went where your dreaming and grinding towards your goals would actually start to press upon the heart that what you're doing and what you've been trying to wield into your life matters. Things start to come into fruition. But, nothing comes. Nothing gets better, nothing gets stronger, nothing gets you to feeling like any of it matters. It's just life! Sick, effed up life. Just sick of the life, and sick of the slave labor for these tiny dollars to turn into something tangible, and something better. The dreams... why are they so hard? The memories... why are they so heavy? Why can't the world be light again? The shameful ways that this world calls out the worst in people and the worst for people. Who are you to think you could change this world for the better. You can't make it better! It's burning in flames. This whole world is fanning the flames that will swallow us whole, light up the night, one night and kill us all real slow.

It starts to tick at my brain... in the middle of work, or sleep, or much anything else you can think of that you need to do, and you're doing it. You're doing it all man! Yet nothing... NOTHING... feels quite right. Your heart pace deepens as your cares go up... The worries, the madness, the no escape from the mundane reasons to keep pushing, and pressing harder and harder than ever before. It never goes away. It never fades. Life starts to trickle a little bit at a time, and still nothing feels pleasant. Still nothing feels right.

So I embrace the fear and embrace the night, fight for my life like it's the point of no return. You'll never get back to that place if you don't fight these offenders like it's the last thing they'll ever do. Play your games... Fight back with your flames... Attack where you will... You'll never defeat the one inside of me, inside of us all... you'll never escape the truth in this life. There will be those that RISE back up from the FALL. The FALL you pushed them to take!

I want to find in you, what was lost in me. I want to see the light in your eyes, but you went dark on me. I wanted to get lost in love, trade memories forever while making more of them, memorable and amazing... the kind that brings such beauty in the smiles that come across your face. I wanted to cherish that moment and live there forever. I wanted to love you with more passion then I've been able to hold. This terrible feeling inside... Oh, this anxiety I feel. This depression however was more of a drought than a chemical depression. With dreams stuck inside a widow pane, the visions I have, that you can't see. The vision I thought was real. The vision I thought you'd share. Couldn't you hear me calling? Calling your name? Couldn't you feel my prayers? I hope you're doing better now that you're gone. I hope you're in a state of bliss and not a place of agony. But, something tells me, you feel better than me. Chances are you do.

OH LORD how I miss you. Oh, what I wouldn't give just to be able to live this life all over again... just to be with you.
I wish I never had fallen in and out of love. I didn't get enough courage to tell you as much as I wanted to, how much that I loved you. And, now you're gone and it's too late and I'm talking to people that will probably never actually come be in front of my eyes.

I've seen you, hidden on the inside of other peoples characters from all over the place.
Maybe all my dreams are hidden in some super nova in the sky.

Maybe all of this energy is wasted. Maybe it's for finding a way to bring you back to me.
I will find you in my dreams wherever you are, and I'm going to show you how much you matter, how much you mean to me. I will keep you there as I lie awake at night, and tell God to tell you somehow, how much I miss you.

I feel like ever since you died, my life sort of went away. Little by little, the things that are of this world were starting to diminish the dreams I've had laid plans to get to them. And, these elites know what they are, because they can get into anything they want to get into, your life or your friends' lives. But, they don't come in peace, and they don't come to make things better... They come to make sure this whole world is shackled at your feet. They'll build walls and throw you inside and tell you you're worthless. They'll make sure that you know you're unwanted here. They'll make sure that you know that you don't matter, and you never did.

I'm awake and I'm alive. IT falls away into the greatest ways to get away from it all.. They'll keep making laws until we're all criminals. Criminals for doing the right things.

I want to break free from this world somehow, and just break away from the ways that this world has so corrupt and deceiving values. I want to stop this life from going on this way. I can't stand how it tares in my chest... It's been so bad lately it feels like I'm dying. It literally scares me that I'm going to be dead soon, and I still fell like I've never really gotten to live, or love as much as I've wanted to live in love with my passions and aggressively attack that pain, until it's gone.

Chewing through the ropes tied to me. Ripping through the seals that are set up around me. Breaking through the facts until it proves that you've been right, all along. Change this effed up world once and for all, bring liberty and life back until everyone bleeds and lives in unison with each other, and no one suffers. Suffering was a thing of that passed. Before we chose to make each other matter more than the ends and means of greed and money... What motivates you?
I'm down here searching through the darkness, for the light in empty shadows.
This life has burnt it's bridges of showing me any pleasure with all of this pain.
Oh, how I wish someone knew the tole it had taken on me.
Feeling itchy and bugged out, going through this plague of knowing something just isn't quite right.
It's your world, and you were there too, but it didn't get to feeling like it was ever your own life.
It felt more controlled demolition and operated covertly coerced through disassembling your life,
until you're living the way that I am. But, I wouldn't expect you to understand.

I've gotten lost in the darkness of the worlds shadows.
I've gotten lost in the direction I wanted to devote my life towards.
I've been pushed away from doing the right thing, or speaking up when I've had the chance to...
I've backed down because I'm scared to speak my mind.
I've backed down because my mind is unbearable while it unravels everything you've been dreaming of.
(and being shown THIS)
I've backed down because I don't think that there is any true happiness in a world where,
instead of running towards those things that we need, we are running from the things we need,
for a tiny unwittingly dumb life that doesn't make any sense.

Imagine dying a little more painful each day you wake, living and dealing with the same old things, things eating and crawling away at your brain... things inside of you, things outside of you, things you can't stop, and things you wished you could get rid of forever. Imagine dying every single day, and re-living in the same old bitter place, alone and scared to continue going on with life, infecting everything, disease infesting death dying more scarcely every day. Life is a conspiracy and there are hidden things that no one knows, yet everyone's out there warning everyone about it all, like it's going to matter to you, and doesn't. But, pretend as though it was real. You're locked inside of a box, you feel itchy all over but you're frozen in the fear and you can't move your legs or arms as someone whispers in your ear, just take the medication... just take it, it will help treat you. But never heal you. It will make you feel better, but you'll still carry the sickness inside of you. You'll feel it on your sides, your toes and feet, your ears and crawling inside you. You'll feel like you're life is forever changed and no one will get it. No one will think you're okay. No one will think you're sane...

It sucks to think that our world has begun to be something people dread to want to live, because they are feeling these ways and worse. I can't tell you what I've lived through, but I can tell you that I don't wish my life upon anyone. I wouldn't wish what things have happened to me to happen to my worst enemy. I don't even think I understand the fullest capacity of what I'm ever saying because I don't think anyone can understand someone's heart through their words... But, I imagine a world way different than the one we're living in today. I thought you'd all be different in the real world, but you're not... you're all the same... and you're all acting criminal and insane. I hate this place... only because of humanity though... the humans make sure you know the insanity of living where there is never enough time to cherish the ones we truly love the most. Our families, and friends, and loved ones. We never get to actually spend too much time doing the things we love, rather we work and slave towards a THING that never exists because once we put a monetary value on the things we should be getting to enjoy in the first place, life becomes corrupt and silly to think that there isn't something bigger at play making sure that the good people stay down and stay slaves to the grind and never get to REALLY LIVE before they DIE.

Like stabbing this way of life, RIGHT in the FACE! FUCK This way of life! And FUCK society! There's no heroes out here anymore. The glitz and glamour on television is all a big show, it's in the TV and the SHIT that happens in that thing doesn't happen in REAL LIFE.