Broken Toys | Chapter Eight
Nyssa
Late at night when I couldn't sleep, I extracted myself from Theo's smothering grasp and nabbed my Blackberry. I sent off a text to Leda, the only link Theo would let me keep with his family. Thaddeus and Eva forbid him from stepping foot within their property and Ras stopped talking to him to stay in the will. Leda, however... she's more stubborn than all his family put together.
Leda, you awake?
Yeppers. Whatcha need?
I don't know what I'm going to do about Theo
Uh oh, what did he do this time?
Anytime he has a problem with me, he turns to HER.
* Oooh. He's still talking to skeevy Mrs. Russian Mob Lady?*
Yeah. I heard them on the phone, and he lets her talk crap about me. Then he does what she says. Don't know what to do.
What do you want to do? You can't fool me, you have a plan.
I don't know if I can stay married to a man who looks up to the person who hurt him so badly he can't operate on a normal level.
Does he know that?
Think he suspects it. He doesn't want me to leave.
That's because everyone but you and me have left him. He doesn't know who or how to trust.
I thought I could help him, change him. But I can't. I'm just miserable.
Anything else going on, or just the skeevy bitch?
I sighed, not sure if I wanted to tell her that Theo has been known to bruise me. Would she confront him, and if she did, would he retaliate in a more painful and devious way? It scared me enough to lie.
No, nothing more going on. Just married to two people when I signed up for only one.
Well, sister, if you need me EVER, let me know. I got your back. Us girls gotta stick together in the face of assholes. Go Alpha Team Social Justice Shieldmaidens! Hurrah!
I smiled as I wrote back, Leda, I love you. Don't ever change.
Haha, as if I could. G'night.
Time on my phone said it was a quarter past one. A little notification sounded as I received an email response from Xerxes, the personal security company Kahan told me about. Didn't think I'd get a reply in the wee hours of the morning, but hey, it was convenient. At least didn't have to worry about Theo hovering over my shoulder as I replied.
The gist of the email stated that they were accepting clients and would be happy to send over the dossiers on several of their agents for my perusal. If I find someone I'd like to learn more about, interviews could be set up at whatever time I found agreeable. My email aback was short and sweet. I wanted the dossiers, and I look forward to doing business with them. Theo could check the proxy servers he had set up to copy my emails, and that's just fine. Any decisions would be rendered in person, in a neutral area. With my husband's penchant for spying on me, he wouldn't get the chance if I could help it in regards to the person I hope to trust with my safety.
I felt elated, that it was progress on my proactive part in securing what I could of a happy future. I knew where my husband's heart lay, and while I may claim a part of it, a huge chunk of what defined him could only be attributed to Margot. Every time I think of her, I think of how destructive she was and still is. And the worst part being that my husband enabled her. The night after Ras’ wedding, Eva and Thad invited Theo and I over to their Seattle home for dinner. When Eva told him to be more thoughtful of others in regards to inviting the unwanted, Theo made a scene. His Aunt declared he needed to see his therapist right then, and well, that backfired horribly. Theo accused Eva of saying he was crazy, she denied it and said he needed help.
He disagreed. He literally flipped the expansive dining room table, grabbed me by the arm and dragged me out of Eva and Thad’s home.
They refuse to see him until he gets help. I was told not to act as an intermediary between he and his parents- bruises lingered on my back for a week when I called Eva to ask if she could recommend a new therapist I could suggest to Theo. He heard me on the other line, and let me know as soon as I hung up from that call. Since then, I don't dare contact his parents. At least he's okay with Leda. She'll come over ever other weekend for brunch. I'd have to wait a week to see her, but hopefully she'd be open to some girl time. And hopefully, Theo would be too.
Perhaps Leda would have a suggestion on how to work around Theo and his dependence upon Margot. He's my husband, and I did love him once, enough to marry him. It would be my duty to make sure he realizes how detrimental Margot is to not just our relationship, but to his mental health. It's almost like Stockholm syndrome, his willingness to embrace her in his life. Maybe if he'd been an adult when he and Margot got together, I wouldn't resent her presence so much. But she took advantage of him, hurt him, convinced him she was doing him a favor.
She remarked that Theo was her 'favorite protege' which begs the question of how many protege's has she had, and were they all underage? Is she still active? I knew I couldn't go forth leaving my husband if all he was going to do is turn to the woman who continually manipulates him. He deserves better. I've got choices to make, and enemies to smite.
With that thought, I made my way to bed. Theo lay on his side, hugging my pillow to him. In a way it touched me, to know that I made a difference in his life. But I failed at healing him. He's no better than when we first got together- perhaps a bit more sneaky, but my independence is a mental one at best. The best thing I could do for him as a wife, as a friend, as a human being, was to get him away from that evil bitch's clutches.
Perhaps then, he could heal in earnest.
A wife can hope, can't she?
"I cannot scrub those texts from the system." Kahan shot a hand through his short hair, frustrated at my lack of care. He stood in the kitchen, back to the wall with a vigilant eye out for my husband as I spoke from inside the pantry.
"So? Let him see that I told Leda I can't handle him. That's a non-debatable fact. The man cannot be controlled." And as long as Margot was in the picture, it'd stay that way. She's got her hand so far up his ass, there's no mistaking he's her meat puppet. "That skuzzy bitch he fawns over will be the end of him. There's no good way she can participate in his life without fucking it up."
"It's his life to fuck up. He doesn't have to drag you down. And if you keep commenting on his involvement with her, he will not just drag you down, but hold you down."
I heaved a heavy sigh. "Point taken."
"I can't protect you from him the way you need, ma'am. Not if you're going to throw yourself in front of a figurative runaway train." He had no hair to run his fingers through in frustration. But he straightened his shoulders and continued. “I understand, you need to vent, and I know the family situation he’s in. But please, for your sake, don’t goad him. That’s not a situation I want to deal with.”
"He won't dare act out. He's promised he's changed. If he really has, he'll understand why I chose to vent rather than explode my anger at him."
Kahan frowned, deep wrinkles formed in his brow. "You might be asking too much."
Whatever Kahan might have said afterward got curtailed when my husband's voice echoed through the large house. "Nyssa! Nyssa!"
With a deep sigh locked in my lungs, I pushed my shoulders back and lifted my chin. I'm a human being, I have a right to be treated with respect. Anything he does is on him, not me. "Wish me luck."
Beneath his breath, Kahan replied, "Good luck."
Thanks. By the sound of Theo's voice, I'm going to need it.
My husband sat at the large desk in his office, scrolling slowly down his computer screen. As soon as he saw me in the door, he said in a calm yet masterful voice, "Come inside and shut the door."
A knot grew in my throat. The surge of fear didn't only feed my anxiety, but it gave me something to look forward to and use, if need be. "What can I help you with, Theo?"
With a cock to his head he looked from the computer screen, to me, and back to the monitor. "Why are you airing our dirty laundry to Leda?"
"Because I have to talk to someone, Theo. My head will explode otherwise. If you notice, my main complaint is you involving Margot in our marriage. She did enough damage to you when you were a kid, we don't need her fucking you up nowadays."
With one hand, he pinched the bridge of his nose in a gesture of frustration. "You don't know how much I needed her in my life back then, Nyssa. When I needed to get things right in my head, Margot was the one to help me. She still fills that role."
I slowly walked forward and sat in a chair on the other side of his massive desk. "The way I see it, she met a kid with a troubled past. She abused that kid by hitting him, just like his mother’s boyfriend did, and did things one shouldn’t do with a child, like that asshole your mother dated, did to you. But then Margot one-upped that monster by engaging in a multi-year sexual relationship with a minor. So it wasn't just rape, it was abuse on a huge scale. And the worst part is, Theo, is that you defend her right and left when she's done nothing worth defending. She messed up your head so much, you treat me the way I assume she treated you. She seems more of an active participant in our marriage than me. I heard you guys on the speaker phone, I know it's her behind you wanting to take me on a trip. She talks shit about me and talks down about me, yet you still accept her dominion over you and our marriage. That hurts in a way bruises don't, Theo."
That took him aback. "You feel that way?"
I nodded. A part of me was all excited, that finally, I told him what I knew and now the playing field kinda leveled. On the other hand, his potential volatile reaction. Surprise sank into my skeleton that he wasn’t angry that I eavesdropped. "Yes, I feel that way. Have since you told your aunt and uncle to fuck off and choose her over those who just wanted to look out for your best interests. Eva and Thad love you. I loved you. Leda loves you. No one but you wants Margot in your life. And if you were still a kid and your aunt and uncle found out about her, she'd be in an orange jumpsuit right now, and justifiably so. Imagine if we had a child who got abused by a pedophile. Could you just hang back and be all, 'dude, it's all good' or would you be on the warpath?"
He didn't answer me, so I continued, lit by the knowledge that he's not on a rampage. Not yet, at least. "I'd be on the warpath if I found out someone hurt my child. More so knowing torture was involved. A minor can't consent to any sort of kinky fuck times Theo. She didn't just fuck your body, but your mind as well. Imagine what our relationship would be like if she was never a force in your life? We wouldn't be having this conversation. I wouldn't have vented to Leda. You'd still be a part of your aunt and uncle's lives. We'd be a lot happier, I bet."
Slowly, Theo stood up. The hair on my neck began to stand on end. Why was he coming my way? Did I finally anger him to the point of getting bruised for having an opinion?
He came to my side of the desk and leaned against it. His Oxford shirt still seemed crisp, despite him being at work since six this morning. Ah, the miracle of starch.
"I can't cut Margot from my life, Nyssa. I need her."
I didn't think my heart could break any more than it already had. The knot in my throat grew immense and cut off my ability to speak for a long minute. "You realize that you've basically chosen her over me? Because that is how I feel. You would rather have her in your life than me. Go ahead and call her, I mean, you're allowed to vent and I am not. Just making sure I get in inequality right for this failed marriage of ours."
Tears began to well in his silvered eyes. "I don't want a failed marriage, Nyssa... There's still hope for us, you know there is. Give me until the end of our vacation you're planning. I promise we can work this out."
Fat tears streaked down my face. "I want to believe that, Theo." I brushed the moisture away. "I appreciate you speaking to me in a calm and non-condescending manner. Thank you."
"That's not something you should have to thank someone for."
"Yet here I am, doing just that. Maybe that puts our past relationship into perspective?"
"Point taken, Mrs. Mezler."
Not sure what prompted the change in my husband's demeanor, but maybe I really matter to him more than Margot does. Could be be brought into the light and away from that bitch's darkness? My husband may not be the greatest guy, but if he's actually trying, then I'll give credit where it's due. Could my marriage work out?
A part of me wanted it to work out so I get a happily ever after, but the jaded side of me knew that the possibility of said happily ever after could be contingent upon my proximity to that evil bitch and her influence over my husband.
Can he see the light? Or am I just wasting my time with the inevitable?
Before this conversation with Theo, I was sure I knew the answer. But now... he made that harder. And in that moment I realized hope is a double-edged sword.