What if someone told you that you were special, and you started becoming that way?

In one now-famous experiment, researchers gave a group of children a standard intelligence test. Then, they randomly picked 20% of them—not based on scores—and told their teachers that these particular students had exceptional potential.

The teachers believed it.

Eight months later, those randomly chosen students had significantly higher scores on the same test. Even more intriguing, interviews with teachers described these kids as more curious, more charming, more adaptive, more everything.

What changed wasn’t the children. What changed was how they were seen.

The Lens of Expectation

When teachers were told these kids had high potential, they began paying closer attention to them, noticing things they might’ve previously overlooked. A thoughtful question became a sign of intelligence. A moment of hesitation? Perhaps deep contemplation. Even mistakes could be reinterpreted as signs of sophistication.

We tend to find what we’re looking for. This is called “hypothesis-driven perception”—we interpret new experiences through the lens of what we already believe.

If I believe someone is a poet, I’ll hear poetry in their words. If I believe a child is an artist, I’ll see brilliance in their scribbles.

Even when things go wrong, we reinterpret:

• Did they fail a test? Maybe it was too easy and they weren’t engaged.

• Did they stay quiet? Maybe they’re thinking deeply, not being passive.

When we view someone through a positive frame, we find ways to sustain that belief.

Invisible Feedback Loops

Here’s the magic: those students didn’t need to be told “You’re gifted.”

They felt it.

They received more smiles, more encouragement, more opportunities to try new things. And because failure wasn’t met with harshness, they were more likely to keep trying—an essential trait of what psychologists call a growth mindset.

In this way, the Pygmalion Effect isn’t about unlocking hidden genius. It’s about changing the emotional environment so that trying becomes safe, failure becomes informative, and effort leads to confidence.

The Myth of "Just Believe in Yourself"

There’s a common misunderstanding: “If you just believe in yourself, you’ll get better.” But that’s vague, and often harmful. What does it mean to believe in yourself? If someone already feels broken, this becomes a trap: “Maybe I’m stuck because I don’t believe in myself enough.”

It’s an impossible loop.

True growth doesn’t require blind belief. It requires real, lived experiences of being seen, trusted, and encouraged—even when you fail.

You don’t have to believe in yourself alone. You just need to be in an environment that helps you accumulate small wins, meaningful feedback, and chances to try.

Choosing the Right Gaze

Maybe you don’t need more self-confidence. Maybe you need to find your Pygmalion—the people who see your spark even before it catches fire.

They’re the ones whose feedback lights you up. Whose belief in you lets you attempt things you’d otherwise avoid. Whose words become part of your inner voice.

Because when the gaze on you is full of faith, your world expands.

And the beautiful part? You can be that gaze for someone else, too.

Who sees the best in you?

And who do you look at that way?