1 ) Three is a good number. If you watched Schoolhouse Rock or Curious George, you know that three is a magic number. If it's a magic number, it must be useful in our analysis of bum-wiping mechanisms. We'll call the appropriate number of sheets used on average three. However, we all know that the experience of bum wiping can be different from day to day. Did you just have two servings of your grandma's special homemade mac n' cheese? You might not need to use any sheets. Morning after a long night of drinking? 14 or 15 sheets might be your best bet. Adapt to your scenario accordingly.

2 ) Irrational fear: the bathroom in the garage at my pad. Might as well keep the subject on poop, right? I can't get comfortable enough to squeeze one out when I feel like I'm surrounded by a horde of creepy-crawlies. What am I to do if I come in contact with a spider mid-business? You know what I'm to do - run out of the restroom screaming with my pants still down.

3 ) Most people believe dinosaurs existed at one point, but how many believe they will exist... again? If we can 3D print a human heart, we can 3D print fucking dinosaurs, right??