Being Honest about the Things That Scare Us
This may be a long post, but please bear with.
I am Called to worship. Specifically, I am Called to heal others through worship.
I am ashamed to admit I have spent the last seven years more or less running from that. Accepting it in “lip service,” dipping a toe in, and then ditching like a scared cat. I am terrified of being labeled a fraud (my struggles with confidence.. yeah, still not over getting kicked out of the hospital that one time). I am petrified because I’m unqualified (because how can I walk this road without having a seminary degree? Every other person I’ve met in “music ministry” has a degree. I haven’t even read the Bible the entire way through, what I know of God is largely from personal experience with Him and His ways. Is that enough?). I worry that my personal life is too much a mess, that I am not worthy of being a role model in any way, shape, or form.
I could go on and on (and on...) about all the things that scare me about this, but at the end of the day, I Know what I was made for. I think I’ve always known. Music is the only thing that worked. My voice was destroyed, my throat and lungs cooked by inhaling paint thinner as a toddler (yes, really, it’s a miracle I’m even here, let alone able to talk), and GOD GAVE ME BACK MY VOICE. He made these hands so I can (literally) pick up any instrument and learn it proficiently in about 20 to 40 minutes. And I have spent so much of my life trying to do anything and everything else....
But this: God doesn’t Call the qualified, He qualifies the Called.
When God appeared to Moses in the form of the burning bush, and asked him (Moses) to go speak to the Pharoh to free the Israelites, Moses asked Him to find someone else. These days we know enough about it to know Moses likely had a speech impediment of some kind, and intense insecurity about public speaking. When God asked Jonah to go the Nineveh, he flat out refused out of fear. And when Mary told Joseph she was pregnant with the Messiah, he had his doubts.
And there are so many more stories like that sprinkled throughout the pages. David and Goliath, Jesus healing Lazarus... So many instances of fear, and doubt, and insecurity.
But as a child I knew Moses as the man who boldly proclaimed God’s Truth. Jonah was the one who helped effect major change in Nineveh and was not harmed by the Ninevites. David slew Goliath, Lazarus came out of the tomb when called, and Joseph protected Mary and baby Jesus.
God doesn’t Call the qualified, he qualifies the Called.
I may not know the first thing about music therapy, but I can learn. I may only have the bare basics of the Gospel, but I have an unshakeable faith in the Lord. I may not have the best voice, or play as good as Clapton, but I am honest and empathic and have a knack for picking the right song at the right time and furthermore, I can play just about anything you stick in front of me.
And surely, if this is where I am being led, there must be something special I can do that the world needs.
If this is what He wants from me, then I should really see where this road goes, yeah? Maybe I’m more qualified for this than I can see.
(Mirrored on WeKu)