CHILDHOOD - WHAT'S THAT ABOUT?

Hey everyone! I've been absent from steemit for quite a while and I
figured this shitty rainy day is a perfect opportunity to post for the
first time after being away all summer.
There was a lot going on. I took a long summer vacation with my
bands Moskau and Seine, played a few shows on the island of Hvar
and the Island of Silba and finally began work on my own project.


(here we are, playing TAM TAM festival on the island of Hvar)
And there was a lot to do.
As some of you may know, I have my own project under my own name
and I released a debut album earlier this year (you can read more about
it here https://steemit.com/writing/@grobens/lessons-in-life-and-love-a-collection-of-poems).
When I came back from Silba, I had about a week to prepare for my
first live performance and I had no idea how I want the songs to sound
live and who I want to play them with. I asked my multiinstrumentalist
friend Rajnard if he wants to tag along and before I knew it,
we were playing in a beautiful old castle in the old town of Pazin in Istria.
And it was great!

(here's me trying to work out what's wrong with my pedals and
there's Rajnard in the background trying to figure out why
his amp isn't working)
However, something was missing. I didn't want to play in a make-shift
formation. I wanted a band. My Moskau bassist took care of the bass and Rajnard's
friend Lakush - an introverted jazzy dude - took over the drums.
A few days ago, we played our first full band formation show in an old
synagogue in our home town. There was also a photo exhibition and an
audiovisual installation art piece called ''Dendrotaktilia'' I did with my
very talented friend Bojan but more about that in another post.
The synagogue looked and sounded great and we've played our best show
up to date. The crowd was fantastic and the band worked perfectly.

(here's what that looked like. Cool, right?)
One of the songs we played is called ''Childhood'' and it's the song
I want to tell you something more about.
We think of childhood as this happy go lucky period of our lives that
we are always fond of remembering with this feeling of a care free nostalgia.
However, my own childhood was full of shitty situations and things I would
rather forget than remember. So I wanted to write a song about how it isn't
always all fun and games and how sometimes one has to learn from a
very young age that life is one cruel motherfucker that is probably
going to get worse as you grow up an reach adulthood. I summed up
more than half of my life in a 7 and a half minute song, starting from
birth and ending in high school.
I really connected with the song and it gives me shivers every time
I play it live. The lyrics are what's important in this one so it takes a
long time for the music to grow and reach its climax. The lyrics are in
the description of the video but I'll copy them here as well so you can
scroll as you watch the performance.
So here's a video of us performing the song for the first time in a band formation
a couple of days ago. Hope you enjoy it!

I was born on the day St. Helens blew up
and a poet was found hanging in his kitchen
and John Paul II was born and
‘That’s the way love goes’ the number one song.
They took my size and took my weight
and put me on my mother’s chest
and she just couldn’t know
something was terribly wrong.
I had a kidney too many so they took it out
it’s funny how sometimes things don’t work out
and it was a routine dissection but this place is
so hostile I got an infection.
The chances were simple enough:
either you live or you don’t.
And I’m glad I don’t remember
but I’m afraid of the dark.

Childhood is the cruelest of times
and it tries to kill you with all that it’s got
but I think I’m OK now that I’m not a child.

I learned how to talk all by myself
and some help from my hermaphrodite hospital friend.
They had to decide if it was a boy or a girl
and I don’t know how it went but I hope they did good.
My earliest memories have faded away
but I remember having a lot of fun with my dad.
He used to teach me how to fish
and teach me how to swim
and teach me how to be what I am ever since
but now that he’s gone it just seems all wrong
and it’s hard to believe a word that he said.
Later as a boy I was fat and I looked funny
I had panic attacks and my sinuses were runny
and I would make my eyes go all wet
because I haven’t kissed a girl yet.
Of all of the names the kids used to call me
a liar was one that stuck with me best
but I never lied and I don’t do today
it wasn’t my fault I knew too many facts
In high school I thought I would be better off
but if you can’t kick a ball you might as well go and fuck off
and they’ll torment you in the locker room
and they will spit in your lunch
and they will laugh at your face
‘cause you were seen reading a book
we’ll I guess it’s OK
they think you are gay.

Childhood is the cruelest of times
and it tries to kill you with all that it’s got
but I think I’m OK now that I’m not a child.
Childhood is the cruelest of times
and it tries to fuck you up from inside
but I guess I’m OK now that I’m not a child
now that I’m not a child.