"My boyfriend is great but very much closes himself towards me, doesn't reveal his feelings. What can I do?"

in #lovushacademy2 months ago

The question

> I have been seeing a wonderful man for six months and I care very deeply for him. I have been divorced for 5 years and he is the first man to make me truly happy. He is however hurting very badly. His stepson died 18 months ago, and his relationship then broke up. His ex left and has recently met another man. Therefore, he fears that he may be losing his son to him. He is also under pressure at work and is in the process of selling his family home and buying his own. Everything has been great until recently. He recently told me that although he "thinks the world of me" he is not sure that he could commit to a serious relationship as he is afraid that having a family of my own, I will hurt him like she did. I understand exactly why he feels like that and at the moment I am not looking for that from him either. But I am torn... I love him and want to stand by him in the hope that things will improve if he changes his mind, but I’m not sure that this is what he really wants, as I can't get him to open up to me. Can you advise me?

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Image: Galerie Le Feuvre French duo Ella & Pitr

My answer

Thank you for your detailed question. It really helps when people elaborate on their issues. When I read someone’s question I often instantly receive all the information I need regarding the situation which ultimately enables me to give an answer. However, the more detailed a question is, the less I am likely to err.

Right now you are facing a huge challenge in your life. It is a challenge that EVERY human being will need to tackle on their way towards realization. The lesson that you have asked to learn is called “Unconditional Giving”. And indeed not long ago you reassured yourself that you were ready. You went through a divorce followed by a contemplative period and recently you met the man you fell in love with. Because time is speeding up it only took you a few months to bring that lesson to your doorstep.

On the path to True-Love one learns to become connected with one’s own soul. The soul is the most loving part of you and is easily connected to, once one adopts the soul characteristics. The main theme of the lesson is that we need to learn how to love the other (which is ultimately merely a reflection of Us) while maintaining a proper balance between our giving and our own needs. It is not appropriate to love others while sacrificing our own happiness or well-being.

It is now in your hands to decide what to do.

  • One option is to love him, be with him, and fearlessly accept his situation, his worries, and his doubts. That you must do without judgments and with no expectations as to the outcomes.

  • The second main option is to decide that this is too much for you right now.

It is not appropriate for me to tell you what to do because this is YOUR choice to make and your experience to go through. Should you choose the first option know that you are not alone and you have plenty of assistance available. In particular, you can be sure you will be guided as to what to do, how to maintain patience and what you will be required to give in the difficult hours.

Good luck, and remember - it's better to make any choice than none at all.

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