Hang in there @janiceleimarie. I know it's hard to turn off caring and it's hard not to blame yourself, but the truth is it's not your fault. It doesn't matter if you knew all along that he was cheating on you; the fact is he didn't do the right thing. End of story. You can blame yourself all you want but what happened was a result of a decision HE made. It's true that the reason he cheated on you has nothing to do with you. If he was a person of high morals nothing you could do would cause him to even think about anyone else. You will get over this the same way you got over it when you were 14, by meeting someone better and in time. It takes time and a commitment from you that you will seek the respect you deserve. Hope that helps