Speaking The Truth With Love And In Love.
Having this issue at heart for a long time now, I came across this picture on a post by @rajag234 and it motivated me the more to publishing this.
This was my comment to this picture:
Hahah ... Saying the truth in a more subtle way could go a long way in making people feel better yet they have gotten the truth and message. One doesn't necessarily have to be harsh at telling people the truth, say it with love and it will sink.
Before now, I have been asking myself this questions, "is it possible to tell the truth and not get someone hurt? Or tell a lie to make one happy or simply put to tell a lie for the right reasons?
Most times I've heard people say that if you have not said the truth and it hurts then you are yet to say the truth. But then must all truth make one feel hurt or bad? By the way, it will be good to know that what ever we say, how and why we say them have a huge impact in our relationships.
When we are motivated by live- genuine, godly concern for others, we choose our words carefully and thoughtfully.
Speaking the truth in love matters because it strengthens relationship, promotes love and brings us closer to the perfect image of God.
Knowing fully well that it is possible to speak lies in hatred, can one speak lies in love? And can one speak truth in hatred?
Speaking lies in love
We all know that if you love some one you should not lie to that person, so now what if the truth hurts that person? I have seen where a lie was told to save the day... yeah after all something good came out of a good lie.
In other words can lies or falsity be sugar-coated and made to seem like they were true? Consider for a moment.
A famous letter written by an 8-year-old girl to a newspaper back in 1897. The letter has become legendary. Virginia O’Hanlon had become troubled by what some of her young school friends were telling her. So she sat down and wrote a letter to the New York Sun newspaper, which prompted an editorial dated Sept. 21, 1897.
The purpose of the editorial was to reassure a little girl concerning the existence of Santa Claus. Part of the editor’s response read as follows: “Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. He exists as certainly as love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! How dreary would be the world if there were no Santa Claus. … There would be no childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The eternal light with which childhood fills the world would be extinguished.”
Yay! he saved the day. Had to be told to make the child happy but that does not mean it's true. Yet the author of this letter could swear he did it out of love.
Telling the truth without love
There had been stances where people tell the truth for the wrong motivation, though the truth is being told but what is the motive behind it. Wrong motives leads to negative consequences, sometimes to the target of the message and most times the speaker.
In this aspect the message is lost, as the person whom the message is being directed at only see the speaker as a bad person and therefore would not want to take what he said even though it was the truth. Then what was now the use of telling the truth in the first place?
Speak the truth in love!
Of all these remains the best and golden standard. Just like any of us would say that naturally that the truth hurts and hard to take. But if truth is spoken in love with tact, with grace, with a humble attitude of esteeming the hearers better than ourselves will produce peace and stronger relationship. Thus, when we are motivated by love—genuine, godly concern for others—we choose our words carefully, thoughtfully.
Therefore, at all times we must choose words that edify—that build up, encourage and strengthens. “Speaking the truth” doesn’t include making blunt, uninvited, tactless, critical comments just because they are true.
A quick and real story about a course mate of mine back then in school. She was free and conversant with lecturers as a result threatened students who stepped on her toes that they would have carry overs and all of that. At the end of the day her wrong ways caught up with her, her mates graduated and she had to stay back to defend her project.
Unfortunately for her things started going wrong with her and some lecturers. Some days back she wrote on face book saying she is finished, that a lecturer has refused her from entering his class, disgracing her in front if her mates and that the course is a high unit course and so she wants to commit suicide.
Know what this lady had done to me and other students of which I have forgiven her but others are yet to.
I replied her giving her reasons why she shouldn't opt for suicide at the same time advising her on how to go with the lecturer, not following him to class but going to his office with a friend to talk to him like a daughter would talk to a father and all and telling her to be good and at peace with everyone around.
So on calling some if my friends in school to tell them to put an eye on her so that she doesn't commit suicide, they all laughed at me saying they cared less( some are yet to forgive her though).
Truthfully when I saw what she wrote on Facebook, I had a flash back of all the hurtful things this lady did to many students and said this is karma playing games. I could have started with telling her the truth with hatred, but no, that would not have conveyed the true and right message but with love for this lady and the realisation of what she might be going through at this moment it was best to show love and tell her the truth in love and with love by choosing my words in order to build and encourage her strength.
Conclusion
Difficult conversations can not go away but the way we have those conversations sets us apart from the crowd. Let our conversation be always full of grace so that we would know how to answer everyone.
Though as human as we are, there would be time we might not be able to measure up, no one is perfect, and sometimes we might see lies as the only way out but then we all can always learn to tell the truth and in love . Most people prefers to stay silent and not say anything in order to maintain a relationship with people but that is not love, love is when you are able to help someone by telling the simple truth lovingly.
However too, many people would say they are speaking out of love when they are merely using that as an excuse to blast the other. This encounter must be done out of motive and the spirit of love and to help the person in question.
This might can not be a heavy handed, holier- than- thou confrontation that does more harm than good, but a one that seeks out to direct, help and assist someone get a clearer picture of the truth and the right thing with the right attitude and in love.
Sometimes we might out of anger, jealousy, hatred and so many other vices tell a truth out of hatred or tell a lie out of hatred too as humans, but this has come to be wrong. Therefore to learn to do it the right way, we have to have love within us.
Telling lies in love could seem right but we can not do the wrong things the right way. This part could be confusing but it is better to tell the truth in love than lie in love, at the end of the day or over time, this person might feel betrayed and hurt when he eventually finds out the truth. The best way to do this is to listen and speak lovingly that this person might understand better and at the same time promoting peace and better relationship. All in all if you have told the truth in love and someone still feels bad, just be happy that you did the right thing and go your way.
Is it hard to tell the truth with love and in love? I want to see or read what you think about this topic and interact at the comment below. This could further boost understanding and promote morals.
Stay beautiful in love and in truth!
Sources:
https://www.whatchristianswanttoknow.com/speaking-the-truth-in-love-7-helpful-tips/
https://lifehopeandtruth.com/relationships/communication/speak-the-truth-in-love/
Image sources: GOOGLE.
You are on the right track, my Baby. Truth is bitter but it is always to say the truth. Well done.
Thank you mama😙🤗😚 you taught me what I know.
I am attracted to nothing but the truth in any form and shape. It doesn’t mean that it’s always easy to deal with but as you said, lies don’t have a future!
I agree in so called “white lies” ( what a stupid word ) Why white lies should be better than others?
Anyways I usually lovingly hold back in some cases, out of experience, its better to be quiet.
It’s a more diplomatic choice to guide into the right direction until “they” find out themselves anyways.
Telling the blunt truth got me in lots of troubles and mostly loosing those people who were not capable to understand.
Oh well!
Honesty is such a gracious word!
My dear friend am so glad to have you here and to have you share from your river of wisdom. Experience is sure the beat teacher but an glad that above all you have risen above them.
There are tough people who can hold truth in anyway they come either harshly or nicely but I respect the fact that you can take it anyways, one thing I know about you is that you have always been strong.
But we are considering those who might not be just a little bit as you my friend. Am also glad that you underatand that doing this could cause us to lose people who were not capable to understand.
I love your strenght and it is a motivation to us. Thank you for you wonderful contribution my friend. It has so much wisdom and knowledge packed therein. Much love😙😚🤗
The ugly truth, I'm glad you were able to make it beautiful. That is good to see. Sometimes the truth is hard to come out beautiful, but if you are able to tell it beautifully then you, my friend, has a way with words. Good article. Well done.
Aww... thank you very much. Sometimes I do not want people to feel hopeless about something or feel there is no way out but at the same time they need to told the truth. The only way I do that is to try so much to be truthful in a way that will give them back hope and at the same time make them want to get better. Its like scolding a child out of love with one hand and bringing him back to your bossom with another. Then you are able to make the message sink well enough without conflict. Next time such person would come for advise because he has found a friend who could tell him the truth with love.
Although not everyone loves the truth no matter how loving you say it. Thank you for checking out my friend.
That is a good trait I must admit. Some lack the finesse.
Thank you☺
You are welcome
This is absolutely beautifully written. Incredible how this popped up and I was thinking about this just today. Usually, I am able to justify myself being an asshole as long as I am telling the truth, just by telling myself that it is the truth, and that it's the other person's fault for not being able to handle the truth. But there is always a way to go about something with a little more love. Thank you for this!!
Am so happy you came by and using yourself as an example showed that you know you are not perfect just like everyone is. Am glad you have seen what it looks like to be more lovingly when telling the truth.
Am quite sure that your old way of saying the truth only ended up in a fight or quarrel or even hostility without conveying the message.
That is why if we must decide to tell the truth it should be for the use and good of the person in question. Therefore if that person doesn't get the actual message how then would he improve or get better. Truth is hard to take but if you hsve done your best as to following it up with love and the person doesn't still agree then know that you have done your part well.
Thank once again my friend.
If only they will understand as u have it here dear. Of course Truth is always expected to be told in relationship, because no partner love lies. But these days, it look like lying to a partner is the rope that stitches relationship. Some times, saying it as it happens causes problem in relationship because every one want to hear that which will make him/her happy, In anticipation of that, the partner may decide to be publishing lies as expected, only just to keep the relationship.
But @gloglo have it in mind that no matter how happy lies can give, it must show its reality one day. I quote: REPETITION OF LIES CAN NEVER MAKE THE LIE TO BECOME TRUTH. Let's Always avoid that which will make us start cooking lies, simple. Thanks for sharing dear. Please wish to discuss something important with u, pls I would like to have ur contact to reach you.
Oh thank you very much sir, I really appreciate your kind words sir and this words of wisdom. It is nit a lie all you have said sir, these days especially in relationships no one want the truth and when you truely speak the truth the other partner might continually use it against the other. Most times they just live happily in lies, but the matured and right person for one would appreciate the truth and forgive it for it came genuinely. Not withstanding this should not make us live in lies, because a life of lies is very disastrous.
I will message you on steemit chart sir. All the same I really appreciate the kind and moral filled words. Remain blessed.
Well said👏
Thank you