Tricks to Posting Crap on LinkedIn

in linkedin •  10 months ago

I think we all want to improve our personal-brand awareness, at least that's my first thought when I wake in the morning ... especially when I'm hung over. Posting crap on Linked-In is one way for us to achieve this.

We want others to see us as "that guy who posts cool crap" or "that gal who is totally wise and stuff and has insights". We want to come off as successful, even if we are posting from our parent's home, their musty basement - cuz the ex-wife took the other home, and she is ... well ... you know what she is. And we CAN achieve this, but in order to do this we have to be willing to let go of our fears ... let go man ... let go.

Let go of your apprehension and your credulity.

Let go of your common-sense - it's racist to have common-sense besides.

Let go of facts, logic, experience, understanding, knowledge ...

(just let go)

It is easy to be convinced that you're not good enough to string a few words together and complete a sentence - but don't let that stop you! Check out this website! This site will totally do the writing for you, and most people will believe you are some kind of mad technological genius. Let this site write something compelling for you - as long as what you want to post is technical or quasi-scientific in nature. This site won't help you with something more "people focused", but that's just too bad for you - and, by the way, life isn't fair.

Now - the aforementioned text-generation site will NOT help you if you are in HR, or Project Management or some other more "squishy" part of the business - like accounting. For those areas, you need to peer into your own inner self and take notes. Ask yourself probing questions, like "how did I become so amazing?" or "why is it everyone likes me?" or "should I care or not that I no longer have a valid drivers license?". These questions can trigger other thoughts in the brain and those thoughts (and this is HOW the magic happens) can be fused together into a post. Yes - it would be better to have an actual topic you want to discuss, of relevance, that you are passionate about, but that is not a barrier people.

If you need a topic, or an area of meditation, or theme, to get the mental juices flowing - well, check out the list of questions below:

  1. How do you find the perfect job?
  2. What is holding you back - are you lame?
  3. Should you replace your black formal work shoes, now that the sole of the right shoe is coming off?
  4. Can drinking clean, fresh, water and eating vegetables grown on the high-plains of Tibet be the secret to becoming a world-class CEO?
  5. Who is "Lady Ga Ga" and why is she so amazing?
  6. Is business casual really just a style arms race?
  7. Can exercise decrease stress and improve joy?
  8. Can joy increase exercise and decrease stress?
  9. Can decreased exercise increase life-span?
  10. Can stress be used to beat joy over the head?
  11. Will exercise turn you into a serial killer?

These are just a few questions that can help you focus your tired mind.

You can even post stuff on Linked-In ABOUT Linked-In, it's "meta" and so "in" with the millennial hipsters these days. They love meditating on meditation, or thinking about the awareness of being hungry and what that might mean to the thoughts concerning choosing a restaurant to eat at - eventually, usually, several hours later, they just grab some yogurt and peanut butter filled pretzels from Trader Joe's, but they still love that crap (they do).

You could even post an article about posting articles, that delves into the complex topic of posting articles on Linked-In, and this infinite recursion gives you power. With your light-sword of thinkery, you can amaze and disturb your audience and tease them into the ecstasy that presages emptiness and resignation and the dreary existential abyss. When you are done, your audience will feel like they were run over by a drunken Jacques Derrida, driving a monster truck of absurdity, smashing your brain into a pink, wet, paste, and this is called SUCCESS!




(and now you know the truth about angels)

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