What we despise is ourselves
When I was young, I don't get along well with myself.
Many times I don’t understand how I feel, and I can’t accept the bad side of myself, so I often criticize and punish myself.
This for a long time, makes me can’t get along well with myself, also can’t get along well with others.
Once, during lunch hour, I don’t want to put down the work on hand, want to finish as soon as possible, so I asked my colleague, Jimmy, to help me pack lunch.
After about half an hour, I was almost done with my work and I was getting hungry. So I want to sleep for a while, according to the usual speed of having meals, the meal will reach soon.
After less than 10 minutes, sure enough, Jimmy came up.
I was half asleep, and I heard a voice beside me, “I forgot to pack a meal.”
My heart was almost broken, and though I was lying on the table, I could feel that my face was angry. I thought since I haven't eaten anything, might as well go eat something.
Later, I saw Jimmy ran out, I guess he must be going to buy food for me. Sure enough, a lunch box appears in front of me soon enough.
In fact, from the above, I noticed that when we ask for help, and others did it, we will blame others when they didn’t do well. Does a lot of people have this mentality?
But when we ask others for help, we forgot that others just promised to help us when we were busy, no matter they did well or not, in fact, if there has been a mistake caused your work not able to be completed, your judgment error also needs to be responsible.
We should be thankful that others have helped us.
Even if they rejected, we should not complain. The moral restriction should be spontaneous introspection. Not someone else to ask for it.
When our own internal cognitive system is becoming more and more perfect, and our personalities are becoming sounder, we will have fewer demands on others.
On the contrary, if our own cognitive system is not perfect, our personality is not perfect, we hope that people around us can be gentle and thoughtful, the best is more than enough for you to solve your problems, or even help you to resolve the problem. But this is not the reason for you to ask others for help, people will depend on the environment or affected by the environment, but the environment is always unknown and uncertain.
To gain inner balance and happiness, we need to give ourselves more strength. One is to understand the power of others.
Since middle school, every time when a friend did something that I don’t like, I always get mad so easily. I'm not even willing to express my negative feelings, I think it's a crime that I can't handle my own emotions. Also makes me despise my own vulgarity.
During high school, I have six other friends who play together, we will go to the toilet together, play together after school.
But soon, we had all kinds of friction. Because we are seven people, not six, nor eight. But there will be one person gets single out.
At that time, everyone does not want to be the neglected one, all hope that they are important, special and not lonely. So sometimes, we even deliberately go to the other person to find a topic to chat, so that we are not the one left behind. But, someone will always be left behind.
Later in the constant friction, we also began to quarrel, there is no understanding.
In many times we break up and quarrel, I ask myself, why do you have to have friends? Are you so afraid of being alone?
So I am the one who first to out among the seven of us. I want to try to be able to live a full and happy life alone.
After leaving, everyone seemed to have a brief balance and calm.
But I'm always spending my time in punishing myself and blaming myself.
"Why are you sad?" Can’t stand such a little thing, you are so weak.”
"You're not doing any good, you're really getting worse." Is that what you're capable of? ”
In the end, I even felt a little ashamed of myself for wanting to go back to the seven people I had before.
I think, sometimes we are really too harsh on ourselves.
I can't forgive myself for making a small mistake because I think I shouldn’t make such a small mistake. Nor be able to forgive some of the serious and influential mistakes that I have made because I feel stupid enough to do so. Especially when I'm trying to do something, and I'm not going to make it, I find it hard to believe I'm such a loser.
In fact, many times, we need to be more tolerant of not only others, more on ourselves. We need to understand that we will also be slack, will also make mistakes, there will be some selfish little ideas; there will be some timidity and fear, there will also be some sad moments. Admit that you are a normal person, but also accommodate others as a normal person.
Don't go overboard and ask yourself how perfect you are.
I had a friend who has hypochondria, she always gives herself and others even the world a high standard. So she was desperate and bitter.
Later I finally slowly understand, in life, we need to give ourselves some of the power of happiness. This does not mean that we have to pretend to be happy, we are going to join the fun, we have to indulge. Not exactly, all the lively and these indulgence, in fact, are empty.
We should learn to understand what we like, understand the true self. For example, we may not be able to afford much pressure, weak willpower and so on. Then we can find the solution one by one.
We must not have conflicts with ourselves, and against ourselves, such as I am afraid of the dark, I want to let myself always in the dark. But do you have to do this? Of course not, we can understand our fear, give enough pressure to ourselves, slowly teach ourselves not so afraid at the same time, and then find ways to overcome it.
Be rational to know your shortcomings and other people's problems. Instead of going out with the world and doing it to yourself.
Posted from my blog with SteemPress : http://walkinharmony.vornix.blog/2018/07/04/what-we-despise-is-ourselves/
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