I Wish It Was A Dream: "10 PM Manila time (Nov 24, 2017), My Precious Loving Mum Lost Life". She Fought Hard. Fix Me!!! (This Is Not NSFW, It's Life And The Cheating It Brings.)
One woman, Maria Wilma Ajayi Aranez suffered all her life and she kept suffering till the very end. I watched her suffer till the end.
10 PM Manila time, my precious loving mum lost life.
I watched the last 30 mins of her life as she suffered. They pumped her chest to resuscitate her for 30 minutes because she kept fighting.
She wanted to live
The entire night to dawn on Thursday, there were 3 times, when she gasped for life itself; with doctors and nurses around her trying to stabilize her. I watched!
Several times in these moments, she had opened her precious eyes and looked at me even in her livelessness, seeking my eyes for reassurance of help and i couldn't look back well enough.
To continue saving her, she was moved to Intensive Care Unit, where they stabilized her, after which they started telling me to wait for hours, for my mum's demise. I was to decide whether, they should give her a shock-type resuscitation when her heart stops or let her go peacefully.
I doubt i fought enough. There is so much cheating in life!
Even in her close-to-death hallucinations, she loved like crazy still. She prayed for us. She wanted her eyes, to be given to my dad, a special man, who fell under the weight of his hefty dreams, to dementia and glaucoma.
As she died, all she did is love like crazy.
My dad doesn't know yet! Telling him can hurt is life.
This year was when i had in mind to give my family a first whisper of good news, courtesy of me! In June, i ended up seeing my 3 sisters in Dubai after more than 4 years and all we drooled about, is of how we will have my mum go on a vacation to Dubai and Manila.
We shopped for her while in Dubai. She was happy. She wore those clothes we bought her. She took pictures. She loved to see us; all her children together and she relished that, even moreso, than the vacation we planned for her.
I shed my tears here. I love her because she loved like crazy. She cared like crazy.
She didn't deserve this suffering, after all her years of suffering.
I left her in November 2012, with hopes that my next physical whispers to her ears will be whispers of good news.
In Sept 2017, she had her very first visit to the hospital, for she broke down really bad for the first time and she was seen to have leukemia. I wasn't with her.
I did all levels of trauma away from her, here in Manila. It was unimaginable plus my mum had never fallen sick or visited a hospital except the times she bore us. Overall, i hurt away about my dad's case. It shocked me alot, when i heard of my mum's case.
Then a moment of respite came as she was then seen not to have any abnormal cells upon a second biopsy and sent home, without any medication. This is after she had done around two weeks of an almost unconscious state.
Yes, after two weeks of not being able to talk or walk, she rose again.
During all this period, i was in disarray. I don't talk much or seek help much. I do push alot on my own.
I did trauma and loads of faith alone in Manila. The news from the doctors crushed me as they were didn't even the slightest positivity about my mum's chances of being restored to full life and they told us to hurry to see her, before a demise..
I kept on the faith and i kept pushing, the decision of whether to see her before she passed, to the last minute. On the day, that i was suppose to buy my ticket, i was told that my mum has picked up.
My sister hurried to see her from Dubai!
Yes my mum rose again and was discharged and even declared leukemia free, but only weeks later, she started to fall weak again and her blood count deteriorated really fast.
One day around 2 or 3 weeks ago, she practically walked all the way to Manila on a 24 hour flight by herself, without food or energy. She was coming to see her only son.
She wasn't the mum i knew. My baby special mama has lost her shine to illness and she was no longer masking it well. She was ever positive that she would live.
Hours after arrival, i was in the rains on the streets of Manila, looking for a hospital. I eventually got a hospital and admitted her and that began, my short time with my precious baby queen. Hospital after hospital till earlier today; Friday (Manila); her last day!
I feel like the hospitals played with her but i won't blame anything. I didn't fight enough either. I didn't take her to USA or something.
I will continue this fight
I will continue this fight by loving like crazy. I will not turn cruel. I will love like crazy because even as she was losing life, she was loving like crazy.
There is a ton, we will fix together, even by means of steem because the world can't go on like this, with so much undeserved cheating.
I will keep this short!
I dedicate all my steemit journey and everything other thing i will create by means of steem e.g steemgigs interface, my "steemgigs" witness, untalented, steem-legacies, steemLab etc to my precious loving mama.
https://surpassinggoogle.com (another steem app) will fix many and i will dedicate the entire evolution of it, to my mum.
I started to run a full public RPC node "wss://steemd.steemgigs.org" to help the steem ecosystem, with an underlying reason being; to help me keep going, when i was doing trauma on my mum's bedside and i dedicate this as well to her.
She wanted to be on steemit!
After her death a few hours ago, i was just broken and had to go home and tomorrow (later today), i will go back to the hospital to look at the bills and try to see how to settle it, so that i can remove my mama's special body from the holding room and into a morgue, where it will be planned the next steps for her funeral.
I held her lifeless body close. I loved it, i held it. She comforted me.
I have 3 sisters and i am the first. I passed the news to them. This isn't the news i wanted to bear. Thus, i will be bearer of good news towards as many as possible.
My dad is oblivious to all that is going on. I am not with him either and its going on 5 years. In his dementia and glaucoma state, the only voice who can tame his hurting heart, is my mama. He licks the plate, whenever he eats her cooking. Jehovah guide me on these decisions.
Even As I Hurt
I will restore my level of productivity on steemit as this journey of doing much good, is dedicated to my mama.
These developing nations have to get better.
I love her so much but couldn't express enough. I will keep loving her by means of steemit.
If You Support Me, I Will Accept It This Point Because I Hurt; We Hurt!!!
I love you mumsy. After my bath tonight, i used your towel. I knew your precious natural aroma. It's all bliss; all special
Please Join This Contest If You Haven't. (I Dedicate It To My Mama)
- #untalented-mama: Join In, "Let's Write One Beautiful Steemit Post Each, That Will Invite Every Mama On Mama Earth To Steemit". Every Participant Will Be Rewarded For "Proof Of Heart"!
I do need strength
Dedicating My Entire Steem/Steemit Journey To My Mum
If you want to support an extra witness and you support mine "steemgigs", it will be really helpful, especially in terms of giving me the direly needed extra drive & strength. Overall, there is no doubt, that i have been here on steemit, proven, solid and i will keep on being here! Steemit is in my books and my heart has a soft spot for it and this will keep on because upon it, i kept my legacies and even my sad stories and most utmostly, i get to have awesome YOU.
For humans and steemians, i am all in, for you all
To vote my witness, simply visit https://steemit.com/~witnesses and type in "steemgigs" into the first search box for witnesses or simply click Here to do it on one click!
If you want me to make witness voting decisions on your behalf, simply visit https://steemit.com/~witnesses and type in "surpassinggoogle" in the second box for proxy.
For the tech people on steem, like developers etc you can certainly now use this full RPC 256GB public node:
wss://steemd.steemgigs.org
Conclusion
Offer a service under hashtag "steemgigs". Attempt out-of-the-boxness on #untalented.
"Everyone has something to offer!"
You have a home on the Steemgigs community on discord. The untalented family is also hosted on there!
I woke up to this very heartbreaking news, we love her but God loves her more, i am sure she has gone to place of rest we where all praying for her while she was with us and we will still continue to pray for her so she can rest well in the bossom of the almighty.
My advice to us all
♡ A mother is a shooting star that goes through our life, only once. Love her, because when her light goes out, you'll miss her a lot, but you'll never see her again.
Please accept my condolences
No matter how we try to plan our lives life always have its own plans for us this is one cruel plan of life, we will all have to face.
@surpassinggoogle please remember that if your mum was here she would not bare to see you broken or devastated and she still watches you from above please remain strong and continue to fight.
Okay hun
Hi @surpassinggoogle, Please accept my heartiest condolences on this uncompensated loss. May her soul rest in eternal peace!
She was indeed a great lady who raised a son like you:
You're part of her and if you keep serving the world, it means that she is living and serving the world.
I would leave you in peace so that you could have your me time.
Lots of prayers,
Thank you so much. Serving the world will now have extra valuable essence
I'm so sorry for your loss. It's especially sad because you are such a source of positivity in the world but I'm glad to see you plan to stay that way. Stay strong.
I am grateful for this comment bro. Steemit has help. Keep supporting it cos its a beauty. i wish i can explain to you one day in person or in a video call everything involved in how much steemit is in terms of impact and fixing lives in developing nations. Steemit does wonders. Will have some steemians visit the burial. Still working on it. Will bury her on tuesday or wednesday. Thank you for everything. Will do more steemit things. The steemgigs interface working alpha will work in weeks and will have new meaning in terms of impact and steemit growth cos i will divert special enrgy to it from my mum who wanted to be on steemit. During the troubled times with my mum, i also started running a full rpc node 256 gb, as among other things, i valued it specially cos it helped as something look up too, when we were fighting for my mum's life. Stay awesome bro. Your comment here is what its about
I know that you are strong enough to keep going in this wold of steemit that I loved it only cause of you ......in spite of your great loss I know u r owner of brave heart ...all my condolences to you dear Terry @surpassinggoogle
I look forward to that call and hearing/telling your story
BiG HUGH I hope and pray that you will have strength during this time of loss.
very very sad post........and thank you com............thank you.....
This is so depressing and I wish I could be there with you to give you comfort. But know that her life was not lived for nothing because she had you and she made a difference in the world through you.
Life will not be the same without her from here on in but I really believe that God Jehovah has many great plans for you and your family with your mother's passing. In a way, the Lord gave her a way out of her suffering and pain in His own terms and we find comfort in this that the God we serve always sees to it that we are taken cared of.
I am not good at this... giving comfort to someone who just suffered a tragedy such as yours, but at such a time as this I know you need all the friends and the comfort they bring. I'm not big with words but in a simple way, I want to comfort you by the Lord's Words itself in John 14:1-3
"Let not your heart be troubled,
Ye believe in God and in Me.
In My Father's house are many mansions.
If it were not so, I would have told you.
I will and prepare a place for.
And if I go and prepare a place for you,
I will come again and receive you unto myself.
That where I am, there ye may be also."
There is life after our passing. There is hope in every tragedy. Because this old world will become new when our Lord and Saviour Jehovah comes back to take us to that place He prepared for us. And your beloved Mom will be there. She will be as healthy as a new born baby and all of us, with our corruptible bodies, will become incorruptible. There will be no tears, no sickness, no war, no pain nor suffering.
We will all be rejoicing with your beloved Mom and your family in that golden mansion. We shall be looking back at our life here on earth and we shall see how God has led us and how good He provided and protected us despite of the things we believed and suffered for.
Take comfort that death on this earth is a gateway to a new life that is to come. A life living with our Lord God Jehovah in the eternity.
God bless you my friend, my brother. God bless your Mom. Her spirit is now back to her Creator. She will rest in peace.
I am very much sorry for your loss. I can relate on what you feel because I also lost both my parents years ago.
ya
Jehovah help us
I lost my Dad to prostate cancer last year 2016, so I can understand.
I know how hard and deep the heartfelt pain can be.
Be strong my brother and think of the beautiful moments you shared with her.
Reminisce on her smile that comforted you right from childhood till now.
Appreciate God for being her son and pass on that love she evidently showed you, your siblings and others that knew her.
Let her departure be a reminder that you have to be a blessing to others as she was to you.
The future is tomorrow and all you can do is be an example of the good things she taught you.
Energy is never destroyed but transferred.
Live life and be glad that you passed through her.
May her gentle soul rest in peace.
An intensely touching comment. Thank you for maintaining awesomeness in the midst of your pain. Stay awesome
You are very strong ma of God. Note the word "ma of God". Is only God that can make you to be calm and still believing in this kind of situation. God is about to take you to another level of your life. Just watch out.
Mama lives on in our heart. My mother and mother in law send their condolences. They said you should know you have alot of mother that loves you here in Nigeria.
My wife sends her love as well. I told her about you and how you show love to everybody.
Sorry about your loss. Jehovah will strengthen you. Stay awesome
You too bro, it is well with us all.
@surpassinggoogle my sincerest condolence..
i left you a PM in the chat but I guess you're too busy to get things sorted out there right now to read it so I decided to write here anyways..
am so sorry for your loss
stay strong!
Annesizlik! :( Yakın zamanda annesini kaybetmiş birisi olarak seni iyi anlıyorum. Annen giderse ömrün gider. Geceler boyu sessizce ağlarsın. Ne zaman mutfağa gitsen sanki oradaymış gibi hissedersin. Hüzün çöker üstüne. Rab sabredenlerle beraberdir. Mekan cennet olsun.
So many people always ask me if i'm a Hacker or a Cracker, as a matter of fact, I don't really care. You can consider me whatever you like - it's entirely subjective. I've been called a white hat, gray hat, and black hat, depending on the attitude and perspective of the writer, and it's not my place to insist that one or the other is correct. I encourage readers to reach conclusions from their own mind and feelings, not arbitrary segregation.
I do what I do, and leave it to others to document it - or not - in the way that suits them best. Distinctions like these work for role playing games, and it's kind of like asking "Is Adrian Lamo True Neutral?" - an interesting intellectual exercise, but with no particular relevance to reality.
So many people always think i only work for big companies, that i dont work for private individuals, For urgent requests for professional Hack Advice Or Hack Services, You can contact me directly via """""[email protected]"""". I'm also trying out a new beta ticketing system, which can be accessed at "Composite Hacks & Co"
So many people always ask me if I'm a self taught HACKER, As a matter of fact, I believe that it's specifically because I avoided seeking out help from outside sources or people that I'm able to do the things that I do.
I didn't start out with that idea in mind. It's just sorta how my learning developed. I was never interested in just getting an answer. I wanted to know why the answer was what it was. And the most effective way of doing that was by researching on my own. It still is.
Think about asking someone for help. What guarantees that they're right, or that they know what they're doing? You may think I'm a good hacker, but if I make a mistake and you're trying to learn from me, you've also learned that same mistake. The fact that so many security errors are repeated across totally different systems shows how mistakes can be infectious.
I'm not saying I never learned a single thing from anyone - I was always fascinated by hacker culture, but found myself in it rather than of it. I'm not really like most other hackers I know. I can't really explain how. I just don't know how to be like them. I'm primarily me, and being me is what I'm good at. So I learned in the ways that suited me, largely because it never occurred to me to do it any differently.
That's what hacking is. It's more about something that you are, not something that you learn. Though you learn some stuffs. If you have a built-in knack for something, a thing that drives you to do and to test limits in unexpected ways, and you're moved to do so by passion rather than pretense - whether it's cooking, computers, or gardening - you have the hacker spirit. The learning is pretty much a side effect of the drive to do something a little bit more impossible each time.
So many people always think i only work for big companies, that i dont work for private individuals,
For urgent requests for professional Hack Advice Or Hack Services, You can contact me directly via """""[email protected]"""". I'm also trying out a new beta ticketing system, which can be accessed at "Composite Hacks & Co
vote for vote
Oh Terry, this is so sad :(
I have been out of SteemWorld due to plenty of things at work. But I just have to log in and offer my deepest condolences and prayers.
I'm sure you are hurting. There is this pain that cannot be explained and a grief that can only be expressed through emotion.
I don't have any words that can soothe you -- but I am sure that you are one of the greatest miracles your Mom received in her life journey.
Again, my deepest condolence and prayers my Friend. Stay strong.
Thank you for so much selflessness
Oh Terry... this is really breath-taking. I can't describe how sorry I am for your loss.
It's amazing that even in such moment of pain where you might be only focussing on yourself, your beloved ones and how to deal with the pain, you don't stop mentioning that you're here for us.
You're incredible, and I bet your mom knew that very well. May she rest in peace.
We're all here for you, too, Terry! Big hugs, Marly -
Hugs received
it is very hard..
My heart goes out to you and your family for this great loss. Our steem mama just passed. @surpassinggoogle's mum is also our mum. Sorry you had to go through everything till your death ma. YOu suffered alot. And just now your son was creating something for the world to be better....you had to go mah. Why ma? I just know you should be in a better place.
Oh God give our brother the strenght to go through all this without crumbling. I already admire your strenght bro. Its not everyone that may be able to type a post at a time like this. SO SO SORRY Bro.
DO take heart! Includng your 3 sisters too. Hope they can be strong. ANd papa doesn;t even know yet? Nawao. Life is deep.
Accept my condolensces brov. EVerything will be alright!
For some life can be extremely complicated. For now, i focus on the burial and hurting, then return to doing good towards humanity as she kept doing till she slept
You need to rest bro. Take care of yourself. And heal the wound alittle before coming back. We will always be here waiting for you. Best wishes for you and family!
#Hug-Challenge!
I am so sad to hear about our loss. I could tell how much joy mumsy brought to everyone around. She'll be missed by many.
She loved like crazy she loved you and the rest of your family.
Cant imagine what you going thru right now . Just know that I am thinking about you and praying for comfort for you and your family.
Mama was such a shining light in so many people's life. We'll all miss her terribly.
I can't even begin to express how my heart aches for you. You'll be in my prayers. Mama legacy will live on through all the great work you doing here on steemit and beyond.
Thank you. I pray to be able to speak of her love by means of by continous loving acts done on steemit
Yes terry @surpassinggoogle ...we always stay with you...we pray for your lovely mama...
@surpassinggoogle Our deepest condolences brother. She is resting until the comming of our Lord Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 4:13
But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep. For this we declare to you by a word from the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord. Therefore encourage one another with these words.
We see her in Paradise
We surely do brother, we have faith in Christ, we have faith that what he said is true and we have faith that we will see each other there. To fullfill this verse.
1Corinthians 2:9
But as it is written, Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.
He said, never been seen, hear or entered the heart. i belive seeing our loveones there, saved, in a place no more suffering and tears is one of the best experience he is promising us. This is only just a journey to teach us the value of life that by the little time we have here in this life, we feel suffering, disappointment loneliness, hurt, we still value this life, what more if its eternal life without suffer? we will be more greatfull. Dont worry bro @surpassinggoogle , everything will be fine, and todays loneliness will be a thing of the past as it will all be happines when that day comes.