Being trapped in a cage without a key

'' Be melting snow.
Wash yourself of yourself. '' -Rumi

First real snow arrival of the year. Mid November. I need a time out already.
But what can stop a Sabrina? Certainly not snow.
I went for my regular hour walk in the winter wonderland nature.
Needless to say, I didn’t see anyone out there.

The road to wisdom is paved with suffering.
However, there’s a world in between knowing and experiencing.
Sitting with yourself in the darkness is hella tough.
But pain demands to be felt, right?
Life has its way of biting where it hurts.
It can be challenging to not let the pain turn your soul to black.
It’s difficult to not lose the light in your heart.
I greet physical pain with a smile, but it’s another story when it comes to emotional pain.
Luckily, I’ve got a couple outlets that make it all better.
The self-discipline that meditation combined with physical activity has gifted me with this year is out of this world.
Even in times of extreme suffering, I feel somehow in balance, which for me, has never been the case.
Having to deal with mental illnesses is already a daily challenge, so you add anything painful into the mix and you got a recipe for disaster. Well at least it was my reality for as long as I can remember.
Pushing myself to the limits of my own body teaches me a lot on the value of pain.
You can’t stop when the going gets tough.
You gotta keep on going, you gotta keep on climbing, you gotta keep on moving ahead.
That’s how you become stronger, right?
(As someone who likes to run in the -30 cold of Montreal, believe me when I tell you that it’s tempting to want to turn around and quit.)

I’ve built a very close and solid relationship with myself during the past year, and so it’s a plus when life falls apart, and I need myself that much more.
Just as much as in sports, the greatest challenge is to convince your mind, with pain, your mind is the name of the game.
Everything comes down to the way you identify with your pain.
And on top of that, the additional pain that we add onto the mix.
In times of deep suffering, your mind can act like a jail that you find no escape from.
That is when you need to find the bravery to imagine for yourself a horizon of hope, until it finally comes to life.
Because it will.
Eventually.