What can I say about sunbeds except if you're that determined to get terminal cancer there are far easier and cheaper methods.

in life •  7 months ago

As you can see from the picture this is about Hollywood again. The Oscars Academy has expelled Roman Polanski. A mere 40 years after he raped a child. A child, Hollywood used all its power and influence to demonize and discredit. Samantha Geimer having been put through an ordeal by media, that she herself has described as actually being worse than being raped. So you'll forgive me if I have a hard time believing that Hollywood has suddenly and instantaneously become all inclusive. The Dream Factory is still churning out fantasy in the belief we're stupid enough to swallow it. Thing is they're mostly right.

(all rights to this picture are the property of Impremedia.net)


I am an anonymous, faceless, elected politician who has spent his entire working life representing the people. The poor anonymous, faceless fuckwits we all rely on to get us elected. I am the voice of these meaningless, unimportant, expendable mouth breathers so I have to talk a lot every day. They say talk is cheap but that's no longer the case. Just ask any advertiser who's had to bung a social media celebrity half a million to talk shit about their pointless products in order to promote them to their brain dead followers. Somebody has to stand up for those with no voice but lots of votes. That someone is me. These sheeple want a lot of things. Tough titty though, because you'll get what we give you. Then only when we can be bothered to listen to your bleating long enough to get bored and do something to distract you.

I don't have to do this so selflessly on your behalf you know. I could be in an entirely different job sitting on my ass doing fuck all, all day long. While I'm doing fuck all I often have to attend fund raisers and political meetings, which would be okay except I'm expected to talk to the fucktards as if I give a shit about them and their meaningless problems. I've got problems to. Only I don't go around whining and asking other people to solve them for me. Doing fuck all of any real, or even imaginary, value is stressful enough already, without having to meet the shit for brains whiners I do fuck all for. It cuts into my relaxation time. I like to work hard and play hard, which explains all the money I spend on Viagra. When I do nothing I do it to the max. That doesn't leave a lot of energy left over for the playing hard. Which explains all the money I spend on cocaine and Rohypnol.

Somehow or other, after over 2 decades in public office, I've managed to keep my shit together. I've attended all the photo ops with my loving wife and children. I even kissed more than my fair share of mutant offspring of the great masses of shit stains the population consists almost entirely of. Those shit stains have the right to vote. It's my job to fool them into voting for us. It's a huge sacrifice I am willing to make for a 6 figure salary. Even though I more than deserve a 7 figure salary. I was happy with the way these things have worked for centuries and spent a lot of my time ensuring they remained that way by voting appropriately when I bothered to turn up. The system worked. Admittedly only to my advantage but I'm the one who should be earning a 7 figure income. Like I said I merely receive a 6 figure salary so I've had to take a lot of bribes.. I mean campaign donations and lobbyists gifts for helping global corporations make even more money.

Unfortunately despite all my hard not work the paradigm has recently shifted. Thanks to progressives, I now find myself in a situation not of my making. When you're the one making all the rules up about situations that's a bitter pill to swallow. It was alright pretending I had to answer to the electorate. Actually doing so is an almighty pain in the ass. One I could do without to be honest. That's not all though. My hard playing has led to further complications thanks to political correctness. A concept I have encyclopedic knowledge of. I'm a politician. My side is always correct about everything. How much more politically correct do you want to get?

Thanks to this sudden moving of the goal posts and the fixing of a system that always worked to my benefit before I find myself in a dire situation here. The larger amounts I'm having to pay for NDA's from the women who "claim" I assaulted them has reached such a level that it's impact upon my political funding can no longer be disguised by creative accounting. Believe me I've had a big team of accountants working on that and they've come up with nothing I can funnel this through to avoid detection. The biggest problem is that I have no notion how big this problem is. I have no idea how many gullible young women I've drugged and raped. I play hard. When I'm playing I use vast quantities of drugs. I cannot even recall the number of females I've coerced into sex let alone the ones I've aggressively groped. There's a very real chance some gold digging bitch could claim I'd raped her when all I'd done was polished one out on their tits. I have to take this into account when working out how much money I need to keep this hidden. Not only could this have an adverse effect on my 6 figure salary, it could also affect the 7 figure income I'm fully entitled to and make by taking gifts and donations form third parties.

As long as there is breath in my body I will not let this happen. Having represented the voiceless, meaningless sheeple for all these years it's only right that they should bale me out of this perilous financial state. After all I've pretended to listen to them. I've faked caring about their pathetic problems and I've made countless cosmetic changes to placate them long enough to vote for me again. Now it's pay back time. You dumb fuckers have got to send me as much money as you can possibly afford. Sell some organs or your children so you can send more. I've been your political representative long enough now that you all owe me at least a kidney and 2 small children. This is serious, now get a fucking move on, you worthless piles of shit.

You dumb pricks may have families you need to support but I've got a family to and they are far more expensive to support given they're used to a 7 figure income. That doesn't even account for the hookers, strippers and actresses I've fucked. This is serious folks. Thanks to me and my party, abortions are becoming prohibitively expensive. So there's every chance I could end up with even more children to support merely for lack of funds. You know it makes perfect sense, you goat brained pig fuckers, I've just told you it does. Now fuck off and send me your money.Don't forget to vote for me either. I know it's asking a lot to get you retards to remember 2 things but I'll remind you again before polling day. Because that's the type of politician I am. I really care, about maintaining my 7 figure income.

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You fucking republicans and your on the side ass. @berniesanders for president!

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Thanks for the heads up. You have my witness vote.