Reflections on Single Life - Diary Entry

Made a delicious dinner tonight - Chicken, Mushrooms, Onions, with a light cream, cooking sherry, and tarragon with rosemary over fingerling potatoes. And while I'm enjoying it... I feel sad. I used to love to cook for my boys when we were together. It's just not the same to cook for one. Adjustments. I guess it's better than buying all the pre-made dinners I was getting from a social development program inexepnsively... but I still am having a hard time coping with being alone. I've been told it gets easier. I hope that's true. I can't shake the feeling... When I was a very small child, the punishment for being bad was to be sent to my room with no contact for hours... I can't help but think that my life has worked out this way... I'm being "punished" for bad behavior. I know that's not rational, but that's how it feels. 45 years old, and sent to my room. Nothing to be done about it. Just feel plain miserable... I want to enjoy this food... but it sticks in my throat.