Natalie has a broken back. She fractured her L1 Vertebrae on activities week at the School she worked at and ever since then her life has changed dramatically. She could not be more my polar opposite if she tried. As a younger female Natalie had travelled the world. She eventually settled to work in Germany for 8 years teaching the English language to German business people. Before her back troubles she was fit, healthy and always on the go; at University, she was in her boating team. I sometimes feel sad at the busy lifestyle she's had to leave behind. But it's not good to get trapped in the negative.

Everything I needed to know

She taught me everything about women that I need to know, and not only through her explaining it to me, but observing her too; why she does the things that she does and so on. Since living with Natalie I've learned a wealth of information on the other sex, and it was encouraged to do so. It benefits her in the long term. She's given me books to read, articles to search, ideas to consider, opinions to digest; in our almost 10 years together I doubt that there hasn't been a day that I haven't learned something new, and she's always been open to discussion with me about it.

When I first met Natalie, I had absolutely no clue about women. I had spent a lifetime being super nice and agreeable and never allowing myself an opinion on anything. I had been wasting my life away at the bottom of a beer glass and had learned absolutely nothing further on anything, never mind the female sex. Yet life for me in the last 10 years has been a continual ride of ups and downs, learning new barriers and new limits to push. It's been a wild ride.

Huge surprise!

The biggest surprise for me was learning that women like to be lead. No matter how strong a woman may be, or how opinionated she feels she is; at primal base level, she wants a man that she is attracted to lead her into the next chapter of her life. It's like what I said in one of my blog posts on The Relationship Blogger a couple of weeks back:

"Underneath that softness of new age man caring for their children there still needs to be a hard nosed fixer there too, and beneath the surface of the new powerwoman that works and brings home for the family us men still crave the delicate lady that needs protection."

I had been making the mistake of letting my previous partners make all the decisions and choices. I would lay back and go where the wind of my partner’s choices take me, and from there I was making no choices and taking no responsibility. Yeah, that's very unattractive to women and why I didn't stay in relationships for very long.

Vulnerability is good, yo

The second surprise was that I learned that the route to a woman’s heart was offering my vulnerabilities up to her. I previously thought the magic happened in the bedroom, but not with women. Sex was a bi-product of the magic that happens. For me, in the beginning of a relationship, sex is a pretty big thing, but for a woman, her firestarter is when you place your vulnerabilities on her lap and open up the dark secrets to your sordid soul. Opening up to her and laying myself bare like a sacred forbidden text ready to be read was her poison of choice. I have overheard women saying in the past that having a guy bear his soul and cry in her presence is like winning 'the guy lottery'.

Confidence is super attractive too. A man that knows what he wants and isn't afraid to get it is a magnet to women; it's so much better than a man that skulks in the corner afraid to speak with his head hunched over his back. That was me in the past, afraid of my own shadow; lost in the depths of my own lack of confidence to make myself known.

Don't lie if you value your balls :)

The last hard lesson to learn was that I can't sneak lies past women. Even if she couldn't understand the messages and signals that were being transmitted to her she'd more than likely still be aware that something doesn't feel right. That's because women are emotional creatures. They are guided by their emotions and feelings and rely more on what their body tells them. It's why certain men can talk themselves out of situations that you couldn't see them getting out of. As long as she feels good, then it's all good. Not that I'm condoning that behaviour or ever tried it myself, I'm just explaining how it happens.

Growing with Natalie has been several revelations on an astonishing scale for me. If you knew me only 10 years ago you would not recognise the person that I am today.