Bye Bye Black October!!!

Has anyone else noticed that October has felt black? I have had a sense of impending doom the entire month at the same time as dealing with a difficult month in the shop. Additionally, my kids and I have been serially sick the entire month.

More than the personal issues, I really feel like world events are weighing down on me, on us all. The atmosphere seems somehow evil. My daughter and her boyfriend who are both very sensitive to the spirit world have been experiencing difficulty in finding a peaceful place to just be. I think I even saw an apparition this month. My husband, who is totally skeptical when it comes to the other world, told me of a dream he had. He entered a room full of people, and while he was sitting with them, all their faces changed and distorted into demon-like faces. I kept quiet, and didn't tell him he was simply seeing a truth. Something is impending. Hopefully I will be able to deal better with the pressure of that feeling this month.

The shop has been very quiet in October, so I have fallen behind in accounts again. (With all the accompanying demands for payment.) This is exceptionally frustrating and tiring. I have to learn that after I have done my best, I have no further control of the situation. Sometimes I manage this, sometimes I don't cope so well. Talking about coping, I have just experienced an issue with a staff member who spends some time working at my home drinking our wine! I had never noticed before, but I think the last time she went a little overboard and it was impossible not to notice. Obviously it couldn't continue and my husband dealt with the situation tactfully by calling in all the staff. Life is just so damn hard, and although it is wrong, I simply can't condemn her as much as maybe I should? All our staff have worked for us for between 10 - 20 years, and you just can't replace people like that.

Another horrible situation I have faced this month is the return of a sick staff member. She had been off for 2 months with a heart problem. I don't know what has caused it, but I have my suspicions, especially as I have faced situations like this 4 times in the past. Each of the 4 times resulted in death. My staff member is so fragile and thin, it is almost difficult to look at her.The matter is complicated by the fact I know she has been involved in dodgy dealings. I am disappointed with her, but can't fire her without proof. I was happier and more relaxed when she was off and that made me feel a little guilty, as I still kind of like her and don't want her family to loose her. Another businessman told us about his feelings toward staff stealing from him and it has helped my husband and I. He said he expected his employees to steal and even told them so, but also told them to make sure he makes money. His situation is different from ours in that he has quite a few businesses, whereas we have one struggling one.

I think my sick staff member might have a compromised immune system and when she returned to work she had a bad cold, which I caught and took home. Everybody in my house caught the cold, and it just seems to be lingering. My boys have missed so much school it is beginning to cause me stress. Feeling generally unwell for extended periods of time also has an effect on mood! Not just mine, but everybody's.

This morning I decided it was a new month and I am going to (try) and get out from this blackness. I have no control over world events so let the chips fall... I am going to enjoy my new young cat, who already has so much love to share. Every night we snuggle together. Also, one positive thing happened in October. The butchers next door allowed me to use their wifi. Data in South Africa is very expensive, so this is a great help to me. It also means I get to watch inane YouTube videos when I get bored at work!

Tonight I will toast the beginning of a new and hopefully improved month. (With the wine I have left!!!)

@onetree