Love as We Know it is a Sham - Thoughts on the Futility of Marriage in the Absence of Trust
"I belong to you. You belong to me. Now get in your cage and I'll slip into these shackles..." said the young prince. And they lived happily ever after.
What kind of twisted fairytale is this?
Love as a concept carries quite a bit of weight in our society, and why wouldn't it?
Everyone wants to know they are loved and valued. Everyone wants to be special, or at least feel special, but no one wants that feeling taken from them.
So, they buy into a system of forced love adherence we call marriage. They hope that gifting their loved ones with a charming ball and chain will keep them by their side until death. That's clearly what dreams are made of.
I don't know much about relationships, but I do know that actual love is not founded on vows or contracts or dowries or diamonds...
True love is the natural outcome of trust.
This is why we love our families who have had our backs our entire lives. This is why we love our pets who have restrained from biting or otherwise maiming us since we brought them in. This is why we love our friends who have stood the test of time.
Trust is the secret ingredient. Trust is the trigger on the love gun. :)
Without trust, we're left with, well, nothing. In fact, relationships without trust were never relationships at all.
Let us consider marriage once more. What does such an arrangement imply?
Love? Mutual trust and respect? Commitment?
Nope.
Marriage entails signing contracts, taking vows and placing immense social pressure on another person to do the same.
Does that sound like a loving thing to do?
Wouldn't it be better to prove you loved those you do indeed love by doing precisely what you do with your family, friends and pets - cultivating an environment of trust?
What if you do all of that 'trust' stuff and get married? Would that work?
Possibly, but why sabotage a satisfying relationship with contracts and social pressures? Je ne sais...
The wise want love; and those who love want wisdom.
-Percy Bysshe Shelley
I like this post.
For me, I will no longer involve the State in my relationships. The State only makes a marriage contract harder to get out of, and demands grease to do so..
I agree; I don't need a contract with someone I will place so much trust. Neither does she.
I will prove my trust for her daily, and place her trust in me as the priority in my life, daily demonstrated.
Thanks for reading :) Clearly we feel quite similarly on this subject.
The concept of marriage does often seem more like a business deal then an act of love. Even vows today are largely meaningless. They are often just a generic paragraph, written by someone else and then selected from a book. They are not memorized or studied by the couple but rather they are said by a stranger and repeated by the ones getting married.
Trust is kind of an interesting concept as well. I agree with you that loves requires trust as i am sure many others are as well. However, it is a bit of a strange thing when you consider it. trust is kind of just an expectation. As in, we expect our significant other to act a certain way and if they do not meet our expectation, then we get upset. The significant other then is mean to feel guilt over their wrong doing. So trust in a way is an expectation meant to cause guilt in another. There is more to it then just that of course, but that is one thought on the subject.
Nice post. Made me think.
Thanks for sharing! Trust definitely isn't a perfect foundation, but it beats nothing.
Oh, dear oddnugget! When Mrs. Right enters your life you will want the papers that acknowledge the two of you are legally ONE! One with God; one with every thing life brings, until death you two part! That is magnificently beautiful. The greatest gift God blessed a human being with, second only to Father, Son, & Holy Spirit is Holy Matrimony! I will pray you receive this knowledge so clearly when the woman God has chosen for you enters your life. You will find this person reminds you that God says, 'It is not good for man to be alone. I will give him a woman." She was named Eve. Even though divorce found its way into the equation, God's Divine Plan was one man to call one woman his wife for life. The papers do not take away from the trust factor; but, it does serve as a COVENANT before God that you cannot and will not just pack up and walk away without having to contend with Father God, Who will be the Judge and Jury for your decision to end the marriage.
It is the fall of man, as noted in Genesis, that makes divorce a necessary factoring into this beautiful uniting of souls. God says, "And the two shall become one." I won't try to sell you on this beautiful growing together of two people. However, I will pray that as you journey it becomes crystal clear to you.
I will end with this: Ponder some of the longtime married elders in your community. Just quietly observe them. Notice that they sorta' look a lot a like. Trust me. They've probably been through hell and high water at times; but, it only stood to strengthen the bond God gave them. I assure you, marriage really doesn't feel like a ball and chain. That is a silly 'joke' people say; but, any man who says that knows deep in the recesses of his heart he'd be lost without her, and vice versa.
As a relationship consultant, people want their love to last. No one enters into a relationship wanting it to fail. That would be sadistic. Speaking of, there's a covering on the unbelieving spouse. Just put 'Bible verse, Benefits of Marriage' in a search engine. See how many Bible verses pop up about God's love for marriage.
I end with, "Defile not the marriage bed." Becomng as one without the benefit of marriage results in hu-man being an adulterer/fornicator/sinner. Now, if you're a non-believer of the Christian faith this means nothing to you; but, to the believer, everything. I look forward to one day in a few years you sending us Steemians pictures of your wedding day, and beautiful bride. Thanks for listening!
Peace.
Thank you @spiritualmatters. I'm not sure my position on the matter will change much, but only time will tell I suppose. Adultery certainly isn't something that interests me :)
When the blessing arrives you will know it. Love is the most powerful gift God gives humans. There is a Divine Order to everything God. He doesn’t compromise His Word. You have plenty of time to study what He says about man, woman, and marriage. Read 1Corinthians 6:9 to learn a tad bit about God’s chastisement of the adulterer.
Blessings!