Project: BeefBack
I have written both eloquently and crudely in previous posts about my battle with the bulge.
From the seething sacks of blubber that hang from my upper arms like those weird half-solid slabbers dribbling from a bulldog's mouth.
Or the strange marshmallow cushion that rests under my chin which makes me look like I am being birthed from a large and pale vagina.
No more!
That is right. Not only have I taken to pounding the beef in the garage. I have gone one step further.
I am now training at the gym with a buddy.
The redoubtable and sturdy @wisbeech, the second finest Glasgow Steemian in existence and I, hatched a plan to claim back our bodies from the virulent clutches of middle age.
We called it Project BeefBack...
Well I did. Because I am silly that way. We are claiming our beef back. Well, I think it sounds ace, so nyah.
So into the gym we strode. So early that even the cockerels were still in their beds.
Valhalla!!
I roared, water bottle in hand.
Sparta!
Cried he, shaking a fist at the oncoming Persians.
Freedom!!!
Roared I. Images of vanquished bloodied English foes littering the ground at my feet flitted before me.
Fire and DEATH!
Bellowed @wisbeech, thrusting a boot out in a killing blow at an unseen opponent.
The gym echoed quietly with our antics. Thankfully there was no-one in yet. Which was surprising, it's a 24 hour place after all. But it did allow us our venting roars to psyche ourselves up for the workout ahead.
We set to it. It's quite a difference working the beef with another man. It was strange at first, the grunting and grabbing... but we soon feel into an easy rhythm.
After some 45 minutes of straining and stretching and pounding we stood proud and congratulated ourselves heartily for being such Conquerors of MEAT.
We agreed to do this thing twice a week. No more would we let our forties dictate who we were. WE would be the DICTATORS!
Some twenty minutes later I slid into work, my body feeling all alive and invigorated. A vibrant happiness exuding from my every pore.
I was barely in work for two minutes before One of the half-men dragged me to an urgent meeting.
So. Let's not focus on what we could do, let's focus on what we should do...
Said a nameless minion of the fifth circle of hell to much nodding and acclamation.
I raised a muscular finger. My pumped body commanding silence and attention.
Or would do?...
There was an audible gasp at such wisdom and the nodding increased in intensity.
I smiled, I liked this new muscular me.
Project BeefBack...
Oh It's true! You were exercising with your crazy coach that makes you bullying for being flabby XD I see you take it seriously
Hehe, no this was a friend. There was no mar bullying!!
Ha haa, BeefBack definitely brought up a few images of the plainly absurd. Too funny. Though great hitting the gym for bulge relief. I need to get back there myself.
But it won't be long now...till you're giving directions the Manly Way. "Excuse me, sir...which way to the beach?" Whereby you flex your right arm in the 'L' shape, bulge your bicep gun to the sky, then rotate the wrist in the direction of the beach while flicking your pointing finger out like those train semaphore signs in the proper direction to the sand, and just smile like a musclebound cherub. (Just don't do any 'double manstacking' on the pec-fly bench with your partner, even though the results ARE impressive. They told me it was 'considered bad gym etiquette' or some other jollyrot.)
Haha, there is so much etiquette and non etiquette at the gym it is baffling!!
I know exactly the of pointing motion you mean. Some of it is so ridiculous it hurts!!
It can be rather amazing in there. I was working out one day, and a HUGE guy with muscles in his arms I didn't even know about, but larger than my legs, and no neck to speak of, walked by the giant mirror. Suddenly, he made a self-discovery that was downright palpable. He glanced out of the corner of his eye, noted himself as if for the first time, did a little bunny-hop and turned toward the mirror, gave a look like "Wow-THAT'S Impressive", then started flexing in the mirror. I about choked on my mouthguard, but moved on quickly, since he could crush my head like a hundred year old Butternut squash, just by flexing his bicep. A very close call for a stick person specializing in weight budging.
Hehe, they are full of it. I wonder if there houses are full of mirrors and thats the only way they can sleep at night. Oh no, wait, they probably sleep fine with all the hot chicks :OD
Some very quick gains there, at least in your finger! What's your secret?
Kittens. Smoke em, crumble then up and add to smoothies. Mm mmm!
So cats do have a use. I learn every day here. Thanks!
They do, don't tell the cat police though. Awfully touchy!
holy moly that pounding the beef sounds fun, and necessary too....lord knows i already have one large and pale vagina...i certainly don't need another hanging out around my neck!!
If it gets cold you can always pull it up. Handy that if caught in a freezer cabinet!
hand warmers and ear muffs...great idea :D
I am full of them!!
Come on, if you can!
You have to have a lot of willpower.
and you are already achieving it.
I happen to be doing push-ups this week and find out the price of a gym.
I want to start, I have the desire, but not the strength.
2 times a week I find it perfect to start! Successes
I wish you will in your gym ventures!! Getting fit ain't easy but it's worth it!
The Conquerors of meat could mean so many things. Some good and some not so good. I need to get myself on the same train. I got stuck on the BELLY express and the wine and good times have beat me down. It is time to rise up against the meat, as you put it, and show this belly who's boss!! I turned 43 two weeks ago and I haven't recovered yet. LOL, Great efforts and good luck sir.
Oh man 43, I think for me that was the beginning of the battle. People say it all changes at fort but I was fine for a few years more. Then the blubber just kept coming!!
Hehe, I had done fun with the writing of this one ;0D
Wow you even sound more manly now! Way got get the beef back! Twice a week you say? Seems a bit on the light side if you really want to get fit, I’d say at least 4 times per week but that’s just me! 👍💪
Hehe, we decided to start slow and work up. besides. I will still be doing stuff in the house. This is like the official workout!
i was giving you shit. I played basketball today, "noon ball" and my nearly 60 yo body decided to give me trouble as I seemed to have tweeked something on the side of my foot, some muscle which is barely allowing me to walk now. Taking the dog for a walk was pretty painful,
Lol! I thought you were for real!
That's rough. I hate the fact that as you get a bit older things go pop for no reason almost at times
Is it my twisted mind? I still facepalm myself after having read this multiple times
But way to go man! Stay strong and you will get your beef back!
Hehe, is loaded with such innuendo!
Is coming back though!! :0D
Hey, duuuuuuude. All the steem babes are waiting to see your abdomen turtle and your muscular finger (which one?)
Ah the steem babes. How I love them all. I always tell them though, one at a time.
A muscular finger indeed. Do it for many months and you will have a muscular figure whom will strike fear into your colleagues. Upvoted!
Fear and terror into them all!!!