Lockdown Road Rage!

in #life2 years ago

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I saw the empty car parking space near the front of the shopping mall.

Bingo.

I shouted over the wild banging gangsta rap that was blaring from my car stereo. The car park had a silly one-way system thanks to all the Lockdown queueing nonsense which meant to get in the space I would have to drive a half a mile round journey the opposite way to come back to this bit.

There were no other cars about.

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Playas gonna play!

I yelled with happy abandon as I splobbed the car in the wrong way and quickly reversed into the golden space. Halfway through my reversing I heard an angry car horn.

Beep!! BEEEP... BEEEEEEEEEP!!

I looked up merrily. There was a small white sports car close to mine revving its engine and sounding its horn. At the wheel was a woman in her late forties with a leonine mane of hair swirling around a worn and angry face. The red lipstick smeared liberally over her lower jaw made it look like she had just munched on a bison.

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I gave her my best smile. One which I reserved for ladies who were lucky enough to be in the running for a little turkey's neck.

As it was a Sunday and we were all bored becuause of Lockdown I had been dispatched to pick up cakes and sweets from the shop because we were running low. I was in an exceptionally good mood. So far today, the coffee had flowed like wine and the chocolates and sweets I had already scoffed had meant everything was a little sparkly.

I got out my splendidly parked car At the same time, the leathery-faced lion woman got out of hers.

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It's LOCKDOWN! You have to OBEY the bloody one-way system!

She screeched in a white-haired madwoman way.

I paused momentarily as I was searching for a spare plastic bag from the boot and looked up.

Yes, yes it is. Well done!

I called cheerily and went back to my bag hunting. There, found one. I surfaced from the boot. The dead sea scroll faced woman had taken a step or two closer. Little flecks of white at the corners of her lips.

THIS IS HOW ACCIDENTS HAPPEN!

She yodelled like a demented Swiss person.

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Not today milady, not today!

I chuckled like a man observing his shaved nadgers in a mirror for the first time.

She turned purple, then a sort of mauve. Her jaw trembled and it looked like some pustulent hiccup was forming deep under her jacket.

TYPICAL BLOODY MAN!

She screamed as if she was holding on to my ears and ejaculating.

I swaggered past her as if wearing wet tracksuit bottoms and tipped her a wink.

Calm down lass. We don't want your insides falling out of your vagina!

I carried on with a lively spring in my step and a song in my heart. Life is too short to get all angsty over a parking space!

Sort:  

You road raging with gangsta rap playing made me think you were gonna end up smashing that little white sports car to bits Office Space style. Know what im talkin about?

Haha, I know exactly what you are talking about. It was more fun to be outrageously cheeky! :0D

Ha ha ha .... awesome. Upsmoked

Up smoked... I like it. Gonna use that!!

Come on over to Smoke.io ....you will get thousands of up-smokes a day.... especially today. Happy 420 bro. Https://smoke.io

I used to love a good smoke but I totally got out of the way of it!

Ha ha ha.... I know what you mean,

Haha epic 🤣. Peeps are crazy right now... I avoid others. I don't buy into this media fueled pandemic and since I rarely wear a mask peeps give me the 'stank eye' and stay the hell outta my **"potentially infected" way!

**I'm not infected with anything but common sense, a smart mouth, and bad manners but others don't risk coming within spitting distance. 😋

Lol. We can't even get any masks here so we don't have too worry about goods getting gnarly. Fuck em!!

🤣... 🤘😎... Love have you keep it 💯! Lol

There is always some "Barney Fife" that is going to ruin the fun while saving the world!

There is, they are unstoppable at least by themselves!

So many great lines here...Hard to pick a favourite...Although

don't want your insides falling out of your vagina

is right up there!

Lol.

Haha, aye, you need to punish them with the words!!

turkey's neck... LoL that was funny indeed. };)

Btw, the shaved nadgers was voluptuously amusing too. ;p

She screamed as if she was holding on to my ears and ejaculating.

Ah c'mon man! that was already erotically hilarious. Hahahaha

Lol. So much madness in this tale!! :0D

Oh, my! You cheeky little twizzle stick.

Good thing this is your story! Oh, there must be forgiveness after that soda bread recipe.

hands you a pass

!tip

I will take that pass and run with it!!!

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