Confluence #5

in life •  20 days ago

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I chewed a piece of toast and eyed up the good lady's bahookie as she bent over and slammed something meaty into the oven. I tried to focus on tonight's upcoming detectivity and not on slamming my own meat into something oven'y.

The good lady straightened up.

Oooh my back. Don't suppose you fancy giving it a little rub do you?

I whinnied and pranced about as if a rattlesnake had come into my stable.

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Not likely lass. Unless of course. You mean with my penis?

She sighed in a world-weary way and looked upward.

For a minute it looked like she was saying something like give me strength. Ha! Obviously, she was uttering a silent prayer to the gods to give her the strength to refuse me.

I jumped in to save her any embarrassment at me having to decline her pawing at my bangstick.

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I'm afraid it's a no-can-do on the penis rubbing lassie. I have to work on my latest case tonight.

Tonight?

She gave me the hard eye as if I was bathing a small dog gently in a bowl.

But it's your turn to do bedtimes with the kids?

She stated flatly.

I chuffled a small laugh.

That's a big four on the non-donson baby. I am gonna bust open a nest of vampires tonight. Now I need two things. That fucking hummus you made the other day and the stick I unblocked the toilet with.

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She swore under her breath about something being a fucking cocksucker. I grabbed the toilet-unblocking-shit-stick and a tub of her hummus before hastening to reassure her as I headed for the door.

Don't worry my little turkey twizzler, I won't let any of those undead mofos get sucky sucky anywhere 'Old Veiny.'

With that, I let myself out and headed off to the house of Cal Davvers. It was time to expose the undead scum for the Vampire King he truly was.

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I stepped up to the door of the Davvers residence. It was a grand old house set back from the street in a quiet, well-to-do area of town.

Quickly fingering the last of the good lady's hummus into my mouth, I discarded the tub in a bush and rung the bell.

The door yawned open like a wet mouth, the hall inside dark with only some dank red light showing the way.

I stepped in, gingerly patting the shit-stick which I had sharpened into a stake and stuck in my back pocket.

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Hello? Anyone there?

Nothing. Only silence greeted me.

I proceeded in with care. I could hear some noise at the end of the hall. Strange muted howls and thumps echoed toward me as I advanced on what must be the inner sanctum.

As I reached the door at the end of the hall the front door creaked closed behind me.

I jumped slightly, my happy sacks retreating up, walnut-like into my body.

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This was it. My course was set. I gritted my teeth and with a mighty heave, set my hand on the door before me and pushed.

Smoke billowed out of the door as it skreaked open.

I took a deep breath and leapt in.

A horrifying wolf-headed beast reared up out of the murk before me.

Graaaargh!

I barged the wolf-thing with my shoulder and whipped my shit-stick out. Ready to plunge it into its dark beating heart.

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The thing bayed like a mad dog and grabbed my arm attempting to wrestle the stick from me.

We struggled back and forth. The noises around us, I identified now as a horrible music-like dirge.

The wolf-thing opened its mouth and howled gleefully. I recognised muffled words in its yowling.

Let it go... Let it go!!!

I grabbed the shit-stick tighter. No fucking chance Muttley.

As we wrestled, other creatures gathered round clawing at me. Fanged faces leering out of the dim light.

Let it go... LET IT GO!

I twisted the point of the shit-stick at the beasts chest and readied to plunge it down.

A cold fingered hand clasped my neck tightly.

LET IT GO!

I snarled and wrenched round to face the thing that had grabbed my neck.

It was Davvers, his face contorted in rage, long blood-stained fangs jutting from his gaping mouth.

LET IT GO!

He roared and thrust me forward into the room of monsters.

More hands grabbed at me and I sunk down.

Down into the dark...

It's this the end of our intrepid hero? Find out in the exciting conclusion next week!

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Hold onto that stick man! It is the only thing between you and them! I hope that hummus had lots of garlic in it...

@meesterboom hooo, nooo, this story can not end like this, the hero or the first actor never dies, sure you have something between the sleeves
We will wait anxiously for the next chapter
I wish you a happy rest

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There might be something very special up those sleeves!! ;0)

Stick my meat into something oven'y? Oh well, just got myself a diplomatic way to ask for the meat pie.

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In the end it all comes down to diplomacy!! :0)

walk tall and carry a big ...??? a shit stick? well the way your nights going, you should have stayed home and stuck something into the oven. I'm kidding, I have faith in you, I'm sure when we hear the rest of this tale, things will be much better.

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There is always a light in the dark!! So they say!

Wow this is a good story when I started reading it all were penises and others but then your wife stopped you and I thought you were going to sleep the children at the end, but everything went dark and filled me with uncertainty, I feared for your life
but your stick saved you!
It is a good tool, I would like to have one so that by grabbing it I can save myself from everything.
I will wait to see the end of the story.

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Yes hopefully I can save myself from the darkness and evil vampire menace!! :0)

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Yeah, espero ver el desenlace :)

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Mi tambien! :0)

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hehehehh bobito es "Yo tambien", te tengo que dar las clases de Español, pero la tarifa subio.

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Lol, I don't get enough practice!

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Yo te enseño!

Is it wrong that at the LET IT GO bits of your story my mind kept playing the song from Disney's frozen? I mean I don't even watch Disney , never was much of a fan, but that song just seeped into my subconsicous so now you have it to! Only I like this version much better he he

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I will have to watch that version when I get home and I can say quite categorically that it is definitely not wrong that you would think so!! ;0)

Never let go of your stick. It's yours.

Still hate cliffhangers.

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A man should always clench his stick tightly!

And what better way to almost guarantee frothing excitement is a cliffhanger!!

Wow, a cliffhanger!!! I hope you are alive and well, meesterboom. It saddens me if you die at the hands of the "Vampire King". Upvoted!

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You know me, I shall do my utmost to fight the good fight!!

Looks like Davvers is in trouble as the shit stick is going to hit the fan. His zoo will be rather depleted of stock.

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Oh yes, they are all in trouble now!!

I completely lost track of the story after bahookie, meat, and oven'y. LOL!!

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I think I was losing track myself, hehe!

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Bahookie is a fabulous word! Right up there with Pookie ;)

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Ahahahaha, pookie. Yes indeed!

You know every time I read a post of yours I am in awe of your imagination and the the words you use - so descriptive and new. You must be so much entertainment to your kids and wife.

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I think I am a perpetual annoyance to them lol!!

ha! sir meesterboom! what kind of a hellish predicament have you got yourself into with only a dang shit stick as a weapon? lol. I'd at least taken a sawed off shotgun sir meesterboom. Now I fear for the noble man's life!

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A gun whilst effective is useless against the undead vampires of the night!!

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sir meesterboom! that was my dread, now I fear the end is near for meesterboom and his shit stick! lol.

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It very well could be. There seems no hope!!

I really think you need to seek help, lots of help haha :)

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Detective help? No thanks lady. I'm a one man show... ;0)

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White coat with lots of straps and a padded room help :)

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I see you would like to audition for the part of sidekick...

It looks like a good outfit choice. I will earmark your application.

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Its the only audition i might have a chance with ;)

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With me cracking the whip you will do well, I am convinced of it!

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Not sure I like that idea :(

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It's almost guaranteed no funny business!

Loool all that over a Shit stick?

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Valuable things that shit-sticks!! ;0)

This is by far my favorite post of yours so far. Well done sir.

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Hehe, cheers. I do like letting myself loose :0D

Our well-equiped hero will have his sharpened spoon in his hip pocket, mainly so he can dig himself out of that brown smelly stuff

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Everyone should have one in their pocket!

Holy crabapples! That had me on edge! Usually I read through this with an assured sense that you're going to escape relatively unscathed, but this time around, I'm not so sure! Are you still even writing this!? OR, is this being narrated by an obsidian devil squatting in the husk of the artist formerly called BOOM??

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It is am obsidian devil! I was despatched to the Netherlands. Not Holland...

Lol, there is always a way!! An escape must be found! ;0)

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