Asking Questions: The Shortcut to a Fulfilled Life
Everyone is looking for the magic pill, those special words that will make our spouse melt, our coworker agree with us and our clients smile with excitement at our sales pitch.
After many years spent networking in the business world and watching great leaders inspire people to action, I’ve realized that in most cases it is not a statement that influences people.
Nothing is more exciting or encouraging than someone who sincerely takes an interest in us, and the best way to show interest is to ask great questions.
It’s odd. On an emotional level, we know what it feels like for someone to notice us and ask questions like, "What do you think?" or "What would you do in this situation?"
Yet, when we work to get someone intrigued with us or to go along with our idea, we often go a different direction. We end up talking about ourselves and not them.
I've watched thousands of family, business, and everyday life conversations, and I can tell you without a doubt: The people who are well-liked and who are the most successful at implementing their ideas, are the ones who ask the best questions.
So why don’t we do it more often?
So why don’t we do it more often?
While it can be true that we know asking questions is a good idea, and it just doesn't show up on our radar. I believe, and I have found, that given the opportunity, people will ask the right questions - they just don't know how to get started.
The culprits for why we don't ask great questions can be anything from not planning (we imagine what we will say rather than what we will ask) lack of skill (good questions are hard to contrive outside of proper context) and of course, fear of what we don't know (the conversation could go somewhere where we are not comfortable).
Nevertheless, empowering people to follow our lead and open up comes down to one thing - we must be sincere.
Anyone who has ever been around a salesman and heard some variation of the phrase,“Don’t you think you’d look good in this?” knows that isn’t a question - it's a weak attempt at an early close.
Good questions, the kind that kindle a fire in people's souls, come from a heartfelt interest. Next time you want to connect with someone beyond "How are you?" and "What is new with you?" give these questions a go.
1- What inspires you about (insert important activity)?
Taking the time to listen to someone describe their favorite hobby, their job or even just their day, allows them to open up to you and share who they are as a person.
2- What is the hardest part of (something they invest a lot of time into)?
This clearly tells them that you want to know the challenges of living in their world.
3- What are your aspirations for (something they are passionate about)?
Whether it’s their vocation, their garden, or their children, you are telling them you care about what really matters to them.
Your mission as the listener is to cherish the information you are hearing.
me for more great content.
Great post. If we are honest, most people think about themselves first and it shows.
I think sincerity is a key element along with good questions. And for heavens sake don't say 'how are you doing' when what you really mean is hi. Don't get me started lol
That is so true!
I watch folks do that all the time and man do I work to not do it myself, haha.
Love your honest comments my friend!
Yes, it's done without thinking, we would do well to be more deliberate about our words.
Thanks for the reply
Yes, we would.
Thank you for taking the time to comment and converse with me.
People are selfish and self absorbed. Sadly folks just don't care.
Most folks, you're right. It's rare to find someone who genuinely cares - I can tell that you do, which is one of the reasons I follow your work.
Thanks and yes I do. Agree or disagree, I call em like I see em, but at the end of the day I can respect others that have a different opinion of things.
Straight up, and no nonsense, I love it.
A balanced approach is so often missing.
Put yourself on pause for a moment each day and let life catch up to in its own way ~ No need to rush through the days cherish every moment you can in the Journey of life...
That's good.
Stopping long enough to live intentionally and actually enjoy your life.
Such a great post! It is nice to see inspiring, insightful content on here :)
I think people have to have some form of caring for the person they are speaking to. If they lack caring, they lack the ability to ask sincere questions. If I ask someone "Are you ok?" I truly want to know, that is my reason for asking - I care. Usually people respond with "I'm fine" because they assume most people don't care.
Just as important as asking the right questions is: for the person asking the question to listen to the answers. I have had many conversations where once a question was asked in my direction, I had two seconds to respond before they started talking again. They would blank-stare at me - waiting for me to finish talking, and then start talking when they were tired of waiting lol. I find myself giving these types of people a fairly bland and blunt response because I know my response time is limited lol.
I think Steemit is an interesting community of people that are less self-absorbed than other social media sites because, mostly, they are sharing thoughts and writing, rather than quick "selfies" and other photos to try making their friends jealous. Posts on here have substance.
Again, awesome post! Thanks for sharing :)
That is such a poignant statement. If we ask that second question after this, it is amazing how people will open up.
Steemit shines brightly compared to the vanity on most social media sites. You are spot on, content here has substance. People on Steemit care.
Thank you for the fantastic comment!
Christ told us to love one another! I pray we would all come to show love! Good post, @lyndon.sipe
Amen to that brother!
Thank you!
You're most welcome, brother! :)
you are right...It is all about asking the right questions.. enjoyed your post.
Thank you @rebeccabe.
You are making your rounds through my blog, haha.
It is all about asking the right questions. The quality of our questions determines the quality of our lives. Thank you for reading.
Well usually when I see one post I like I search for another .. haha!
Haha, I like that!
I love this! Sadly, though, some people do only just that -- ask questions. They forget the "mission as a listener" part and will only accept answers without fully comprehending.
You hit the nail on the head there.
Asking questions devoid of actually listening is still us just talking.
All we show from that action is that we want people to believe we care about them but we truly don't.
Great response @erangvee!
a good post, lydon - I just have to mention one friend of mine who constantly used /overused/abused this technique. I felt I was being interviewed.
Basically, if you have a heart for people, which you do, you will naturally be focused outwardly on them, not on how you're performing or what you'll say next.
Right now I'm working on listening to Deb, my wife. Boy, is that hard! I mean, I'm going out to do some landscaping and she wants to talk about Donald Trump. Don't know why I get disco toes LOL!!
Funny you should mention your friend John, that used to be me.
When I first heard about this technique from John Maxwell, I abused it like your friend did. It took another good friend to point out what I was doing, and then I tweaked my approach a bit more.
You know, I would love to see you and Deb interact - it sounds like a riot, lol!
uh, well...we have a noisy house. We're both passionate. You've probably seen her on here - she's @countrygirl. She's powering down but I'm trying to persuade her to come back on
I figured as such, haha.
Intelligent people normally have impassioned conversations - sometimes it is over some silly things which makes for great makeup sex.
Ahh, excellent, I shall follow a new blog.
Thank you for sharing! ☆☆☆☆☆😎
You're welcome Michael! 😎