Self-Compassion Helps Boost Self Esteem

Are you speaking rudely to yourself? The chances are very high that you aren't speaking nice to yourself in the mirror, because this is how we all are. Being harsh on oneself is often picked up at a very young age, and few of us can shake the habit until adulthood. It s hard not to use language that makes others feel inferior or even angry with ourselves. But the question remains: are you doing it already?


You probably don't think of yourself as having an inner critic; however, everyone has one. Your inner critic, or voice inside your head, can be just as harsh and negative as other people can be. You have all heard the jokes: "She has a mean critic who's always trying to tell her how she is doing wrong." Well, for most of us, we hear those jokes to help us laugh at ourselves, but the truth is, we all have our little jibes like that. If you have a friend who is always criticizing you, even in jest, what kind of impact does that have on you?

You probably feel bad when you listen to negative self-talk. It reduces your energy level and lowers your self-image. This has a detrimental effect on your health and well being. Negative self-talk is just as harmful to you mentally as it is physically. So, how do you get rid of your self-talk and improve your self-image?

First, you must identify the negative messages that are being blasted at you through your own self-talk. When you want to speak kindly to yourself, start by noticing the things that you say to yourself. Are you repeating yourself or saying things without meaning? Do you find that you're having statements such as "I can't do that" or "It's impossible."? These kinds of statements will make you feel bad.

Once you know what your self-talk is doing to you, change your inner dialog to one of self-esteem instead. Instead of repeating "I can't," or "It's impossible," say something like "I'm an important person and I can do it." By changing the focus from yourself to someone else, you shift your attention away from yourself and place it on another person. Self-esteem works when you focus on yourself first and then on your goals. This may be difficult at first because you're not used to this kind of inward focus, but as you practice self-compassion, you'll find that you become increasingly comfortable with it.

Another thing that you can do to get over self-consciousness and feel bad about yourself is to always speak to yourself in the first person. Instead of saying, "I'm so clumsy," or "I'm so dumb," say to yourself something like, "I'm an important person and I'm a great person!" Every time you speak to yourself in the first person, you automatically reduce the sting of being spoken to in the negative. If you don't consciously control your thought patterns, you'll always end up saying something negative. However, by saying something like, "I'm an important person" every single time you speak to yourself, you'll be less defensive and more confident.

Another way that you can use self-compassion to overcome self-doubt is to speak kindly to yourself. This is the same as if you were speaking to your best friend. When you speak to your best friend in a mean manner, the effect is likely to be harmful. However, when you speak to yourself in a self-compassionate manner, you'll receive the best results. You'll also feel better because you'll actually want to help other people and solve problems.


Now that you know how to speak kindly to yourself, you can start forming self-esteem and confidence early on. Speak to yourself in the mirror or in your head when you feel bad about yourself. Stop yourself in your tracks and remind yourself that you are good enough and valuable. That's the most powerful self-talk, you can hear! Speak to yourself often until your subconscious mind learns to speak in the same manner.