This has been the "year of change" for my family. This is the most change we have had in our family in the eight years my son has been alive.
Today, my wife has been in a bad mood. This is odd for her because she is one of those happy and smiling souls--all day, every day. I know she hasn't been happy with work and I chalked it up to that stress in her life. She has been home for a few hours and I walked inside and asked her if she was feeling better.
"I'm Just So Sad!"
Seeing your wife cry is one of the worst feelings in the world. I immediately went over and gave her a huge hug and asked "What is making you sad?".
"It's all the changes our family is going through this year and it makes me sad".
Our family has went through tremendous change this year and it hasn't stopped.
*This year we stopped homeschooling and it was ultimately my decision.
My wife and I shared the responsibility of homeschooling. The days she worked, I would take care of the homeschooling. This has been a rough year on me and the challenge of being emotionally present for the children for such a long span of time was really starting to drain me. I felt like I was fighting to keep my head above water and I finally had to admit defeat. Granted, I was still meeting the needs of the children but I felt like I was barely meeting minimum acceptable standards of educating. I finally had to talk with my wife about sending the children to public school because I need this time to get myself better. That may read as me being greedy, but it's the exact opposite.
I have to get myself to a place dealing more positively with PTSD, so I can at least be somewhat functional with society. As the children get older they are going to notice more and more the panic attacks, flashbacks, nightmares... who wants their children to remember those things when they get older?
The aspect that made her the most sad about homeschooling is the children love public school. She said she "failed at homeschooling". I am looking at her and was kind of scratching my head because the school wanted to put them in a higher grade than what is usual for their age. But then the real reason came out.
"They would rather be at school than home with us".
*Our daughter doesn't want to dance next year.
Our daughter, Lily, is 7. She has been in ballet since the age of 4. On the car ride home today from ballet she told her mom she "didn't want to dance next year". Kari, told me this made her sad too because our daughter is growing up and expanding to other hobbies. She's not the little girl anymore that always needs mommy and daddy to guide her.
My wife has been looking for a full time job because the kids are in school now. We could honestly use the additional income, because living on a Veteran's Disability is not easy. We have to do tons and tons of budgeting.
However, her employer has obviously received calls for employment validation and management has been treating her shitty for a few weeks now. Stress at work is never fun, especially when caused by management.
Change is normal in everyone's life. Sometimes it is welcome change and other times there is resistance to change or the inability to comprehend it. I don't think my wife is resisting change, but comprehending it has been mentally taxing on her. The kids growing up and not needing us as much, public school, and seeking new employment are all stressful events on their own--much less all three.
However, today my wife woke up(I am continuing this post the next day) and my wife said "I am going to have a good day". Our talk and putting the change into perspective really seemed to help her.
Sometimes a good cry and a talk is what you need to put life into perspective