Its been this way for so long, Can society change for the better?

in #life6 years ago (edited)

Manipulation is a form of "coercive control" which is considered psychological abuse. Forcing isolation from family is also a form of psychological abuse according to the US Department of Justice: lets bring it to the attention of the general public, manipulating a child in the manner above is both psychological and emotional abuse which makes it a systemic social problem that impacts society and causes devastation within our families. #StopChildAbuse

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The issue of good parenting has always been a topic of importance for our ever-growing world. There are concerns whether parents who keep their children separated from their other parent causes any harm. Having suffered PAS firsthand I learned the system is disregarding that there are in-fact harmful effects, both emotional and psychological, stemming from this form of abuse.

I found this sort of behavior to be a danger to everyone. Something must change!

There are a number of leading psychologist on the forefront lobbying for a greater awareness demanding change in the civil courts of America, their works on narcissistic pattern behavior along with manipulative tactics, reveal the emotional abuse children suffer. The long term affects have implications potentially spanning generations, causing impact on our society in an alarming way.

The civil systems have no easy task before them. They’re pressed with helping to create a solid foundation for children to grow into healthy and meaningful contributors to life. The trouble with trying to determine the best arrangement for a child, however, is that courtroom decisions are based mostly on financial stability diagnoses, most of which are without the consideration of a narcissistic parent, who often carry ulterior motives which can easily lead to estrangement.

Narcissistic parenting is that faulty attribute that triggers parental alienation, and despite worldly disagreement about its existence, PAS is not only a clear and present danger to a child’s future but to society as a whole. First thing to note is PAS is not included in the most recent edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). A current list of psychiatric disorders, and this has created enormous uncertainty around its usage in the legal system.

(The American Psychiatric Association, which makes the decisions on inclusion within the DSM doesn’t even have an official stance on parental alienation syndrome.) And this leaves the door wide open for misinterpretation or altogether omittance as it pertains to civil case outcomes.

Supporters of the concept of the disorder, such as William Bernet, a professor emeritus in psychiatry and behavioral sciences at Vanderbilt University School of Medicine, say there is research supporting its existence. (citing psychologist Amy Baker, “Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome: Breaking the Ties That Bind,”) based on interviews with 40 people who identified themselves as suffering from parental alienation, as an example. What’s getting lost in the vitriolic battle, Bernet said, is PAS behavior itself, which can be mitigated if addressed early.

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The Vitriolic Battle

The fight behind the fight, the scorned spouse or the enraged parent caught up in their own little private war. To the narcissist there doesn’t seem to be anything wrong. They’re upset and (within their own mind, they have every right to push their emotions onto their child), if they want to. The trouble with projecting in such a way is that the child inherits the angered parent’s points of view.

Being more concerned with one’s self is the underlying issue here. “What about me, what about the pain I feel?” Says the narcissist. “What about The Child?” says society. What about the long term psychological and emotional effects which are reinforced from alienating behavior? To overlook the key attribute leading to the cause of such a wide spread epidemic, is like closing one’s eyes because they don’t want to see what’s about to hit them.

Knowing about the issue and doing something about it are two different things.

Getting personal about my 15 year experience with abuse, I discovered mine was a severe case. I wasn’t wrong for feeling helpless. I wasn’t disillusioned in thinking the system couldn’t remedy my situation either. Its broken and set up poorly. It’s actually allowed for the pain and suffering cycle of abuse to perpetuate. The saddest part is the children suffer because courts haven’t started measuring the spiteful tactics or the venomous actions of the malicious narcissist.

As a society we can’t deny child abuse is wrong. We don’t want for any child to suffer. Why then do we turn a blind eye over money and allow for it within our civil courts? The trouble is there is nothing implemented for catching this sort of abuse, nothing in place that carries automatic grounds for immediate resolution when it comes to the endangered child.

(Then there’s the bureaucracy of the civil system itself)

Raised in a loving home I grew up with both my parents, I’ll admit there was a time when I was more self-centered though. I know the mindset of PAS. I fathered two sons in my life but the question whether I was a loving parent was never raised, as the vitriolic trap sealed the deal, and my youngest was taken from me since before birth. He was used a weapon for 14 years while the civil system didn’t understand what was really going on behind the scenes. They allowed for and in collusion/collaboration with the alienating parent created an unimaginable debt, violated my civil rights and imprisoned me yearly for nearly a decade.

Because of the way I feel about my experience with PAS, I’m sure both of my children have suffered greatly, if not worse than I have, from having gone through this also. I’m certain parental alienation is abuse. Why do we allow for a dysfunctional system to make decrees structured in such a way that require enormous amounts of money, more than most have, in order to obtain an immediate resolution? The Truth is we should have a system that detects and resolves any sort of malicious behavior affecting the children the moment its realized.

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The Spiritual Truth

But leaving psychological research aside for a moment, I want to discuss this on a more spiritual level. There is a root to why this is happening, if we look closer with this perspective in mind it’ll allow for a clear understanding and even reveal a long-term solution.

The answer is God.

Now I know many struggle with faith and belief, and it’s no wonder we’re faced with this worldly epidemic. PAS troubles stem from those who have fallen so far away from God that they’ve lost sight of The Spiritual Truth. They’ve forgotten life isn’t about them or (us).

God’s Word (The Bible) clearly says we’re to be selfless. Right away its clear the narcissist create more pain and suffering than they realize because they’re too busy trying to make life how they want. They suffer themselves and ultimately victimize their children. PAS is a side affect of this condition and if faithfully considered its affects can be remedied immediately. (Love is The Way)

Taking this view a little deeper, the characteristic traits of an alienating parent are unrighteous. God says we’re to be loving, compassionate, forgiving, merciful and understanding. The unrighteous lack upright virtue and fail to keep a good sense of morals. Its not that difficult to see. The thing is to address the matter from a loving standpoint calling out the ungodly actions for what they are, immoral, unethical, unrighteous and not right according to God.

If ever there was a case for standing upright and doing what’s right its this. Not to mention there’s the whole life and death thing to consider. According to God the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of heaven, even more reason to do the right thing. (especially when children are involved)

The point is there is a way we’re all meant to live and when anyone falters from that way (love) the issues we don’t want for are revealed. This travesty of the civil system is that they’ve allowed for unrighteous and unethical behavior (ungodly stuff) to run amuck without standing for who they say they trust in. (God)

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Stop Parental Alienation

(below is part of the APA position statement)
I’m sharing this with the world now too because our children are being kidnapped, they are being psychologically abused, and we expect the proper authorities to protect them and to restore our families. We found ourselves powerless to protect them ourselves. The mental health and legal systems have had the power to make change but have failed our families in every way. I’m voicing my stance along with others suffering PAS to band together in order to demand the mental health system listen up and help. There are an estimated 22 million families in the United States alone affected by this epidemic, and we intend to make these demands until action is taken to protect our children and to restore our families.

What is happening here is not some "new" phenomenon that just surfaced 30 years ago. What is happening here is a timeless issue that’s been happening since families ever existed. There is no need for the APA to conduct extensive research into our situation before they can help. The APA has already done such an incredible job of defining pathologies and psychological constructs that there is already a way to diagnose and treat our problem. Our situation is not some form of "new" disorder, our children are not suffering from some form of mental illness, "new" or otherwise. There is no need to define our situation as a "new" syndrome or a "new" pathology.

Defining our situation as some sort of "new" pathology would be like trying to say that a person with athlete's foot and a cold has some sort of "new" disease, when in fact they just happen to have athlete's foot and a cold at the same time. Imagine the confusion if people kept insisting that when you have athlete's foot and a cold at the same time, you actually have some "new" disease that nobody knows how to treat yet. Imagine if doctor's couldn't get past the idea that if you have athlete's foot and a cold, then there was nothing they could do for you because nobody has done any research on this "new disease", so nobody knows how to diagnose it or treat it. So now hundreds of patients suffer with athlete's foot and a cold, without treatment, until years and years of research are completed, only to discover that, all they ever really had was athlete's foot and a cold. This is exactly the situation that our families are in.

Everything that is happening to our families can already be diagnosed and treated (by having faith) and using existing and well-established psychological principles and constructs. For all of us, we have found our situations to be composed of the following components:

o Cross-generational coalition
o Narcissistic/borderline personality pathology
o The pathology of splitting
o The pathology of projection
o The psychological decompensation of narcissistic/borderline personalities into delusional beliefs under stress
o Role-reversal relationships
o The attachment system
o Internal working models of attachment (schemas)
o Attachment trauma (disorganized attachment)
o The association of childhood attachment trauma to the formation of narcissistic and borderline personality traits
o The reenactment of attachment trauma patterns
o The misattribution of anxiety
o The misunderstanding of a grief response

Any therapist whose domain of professional competence includes "Attachment Theory", "Narcissistic and Borderline Personality Disorders", and "Family Systems Theory", should be able to accurately diagnose and treat our families. They should already have everything they need to help us.

When you mix a cross-generational coalition with the pathology of "splitting", you end up in the situation that our families are in. In order to survive emotionally, our children have had to become allied and enmeshed with a highly manipulative parent. The "allied" parent, through the enmeshment of our children, has created a trauma reenactment narrative where our children are induced into the role of the allied parent as a "victimized child". This trauma reenactment narrative is a false drama created from the decompensating delusional pathology of the allied parent.

o Our children have been assigned the allied parent's internal working model of the "victimized child" role.
o By way of our children's rejection, we have been assigned the allied parent's internal working model of the "abusive parent" role.
o This has allowed the allied parent to self-adopt and conspicously display their internal working model of the all-wonderful, ideally nurturing and "protective parent" role.
o The "bystander" therapists, attorneys, social workers, teachers, and judges will then become witnesses to and validate the authenticity of the false narrative being created by the pathology of the allied parent.

In all of our situations we have found that the allied parent has:

  1. censured our children for expressing love toward us;
  2. coerced our children into adopting the allied parent's negative beliefs about and attitudes toward us;
  3. deceived our children into believing that we are bad and/or abusive parents, despite evidence to the contrary.

The above actions of the allied parent have, over time, caused our children to:

  1. entirely reject us;
  2. treat us as dangerous, and/or treat us as inferior and punish us without mercy;
  3. hold grudges against us with no avenue of recompense and/or falsely accuse us of abuse.

Psychologically speaking, the clinical symptoms that our children display in relation to the above are:

  1. a complete suppression of their attachment bonding motivations toward us;
  2. narcissistic/borderline personality disorder traits (but only in regard to us) which include:
    – grandiosity;
    – absence of empathy;
    – entitlement;
    – haughty and arrogant attitude;
    – splitting;
    and in some cases our children display the following phobia characteristics:
    – persistent unwarranted fear (DSM-5 Phobia criterion A);
    – severe anxiety response (DSM-5 Phobia criterion B);
    – avoidance of us (DSM-5 Phobia criterion C).
  3. intransigently held, fixed-and-false beliefs (delusions) regarding our supposedly "abusive" parental inadequacy.

A therapist with the proper expertise, when they see all three of these clinical symptoms in our children, will be able to come to the conclusion that the symptoms could not possibly have spontaneously developed in our children. They had to have been induced by someone close to them. It will be evident to the therapist that the allied parent is inducing these symptoms in our children.

The therapist, seeing that the allied parent is inducing 1) Developmental Pathology, 2) Personality Disorder Pathology, and 3) Psychiatric Pathology, will conclude that this is psychologically abusive, make an official diagnosis of V995.51 "Child Psychological Abuse, Confirmed", and take the appropriate measures to protect our children.

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https://www.change.org/p/new-apa-position-statement-some-children-are-manipulated-into-rejecting-a-parent?recruiter=487686122&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=copylink#response-40587

I believe that in by teaching the world that our children suffer abuse from parental alienation, that it’ll help stop those who are hurting them and bring change to a system in need of realizing the reason why such things are going unchecked and unchanged.

This is a very lengthy topic. I plan on going into more detail regarding specific situations in later posts. (money, long term solutions, and warning signs) I will be more than happy to respond to any questions and would appreciate any comments.

Thank you so much for reading and I hope you found this post useful.

James

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