Vaseline and Big Foot

in life •  2 months ago 


Let me begin this by saying it’s not what it seems. No, really. It’s not. There’s this small eczema patch on one of my fingers, which basically means the skin there is dryer than the rest of my skin and it’s really really annoying. So, after I did some digging online, I found out a good moisturizer for that would be, yes, you’ve guessed it, vaseline, given as it’s fragrant-less and doesn’t contain many of the irritating substances that most moisturizers have. So, I figured I’d go out to purchase said vaseline and see if it did anything for me.

Off I went to the store, a girl alone buying a jar of vaseline on Saturday afternoon. Now, I found it fairly easily and I tried my best to look respectable throughout. I don’t know about where you are, but the amount of vaseline-related jokes here is astonishing. Anyway, as I fiddled around with my jar of vaseline, I kept looking around for something else to buy with it. Because, you know, you don’t want to just go up to the counter and offer up your vaseline, do you?

In the end, I settled on some tea and made my way to the counter with my little box of teas and my jar of vaseline.

A fun evening planned, I see – or at least that’s what I read in the cashier’s eyes.

Anyway, once I’d tucked my vaseline into my bag, I figured I might as well check the shoe store next door, knowing they’re having some sales. I’m really not looking to spend any money, certainly not big money, not on something as fickle as shoes, but a good deal never hurt anyone, did it?

Well, I have rather big feet (I think it’s 8.5 or something in US speak) and it’s pretty difficult to find shoes my size. And today, it was downright impossible. For some reason, shoes for Big Foots, such as myself, are incredibly hard to come by. Never any left to be put on sale, apparently. Hmm. There must be more Big Foots in the city than I thought, because it’s always tiny shoes for people with small perfect feet that get to be on sale and it’s annoying because some are really cute and cheap.

But that’s not all. The few shoes my size I did manage to find were hideous beyond words.


I mean, sorry if this is your style, but it’s definitely not mine. And this was one of the better pairs, I’d say, given that most of the others I managed to find were horrible, shitty colors (and I do mean shit-colored by that) and models that must’ve been in vogue 70 years ago. Seriously, they’re the sort of shoes I’ve seen on my grandmother. I watched a movie from the 40s a couple nights ago – I swear I saw those same shoes in the store today. What the hell is wrong with these shoe companies? Are they just sadistic fuckheads? I mean, it’s not bad enough we’re outcasts, that we endure continuous ridicule and abuse from the rest of society because of our abnormal feet, we also have to wear shitty shoes?

I mean, I know the shoes won’t help much. I know I’m always going to be the same old Big Foot. But can’t I at least have the illusion? At one point, I found myself trying one on just out of desperation. It was an ugly model and I really didn’t need it, but I just...I don’t know. Desperate people do desperate things, you know?

In the end, I took my jar of vaseline and headed home, shoe-less.

Cheers for reading,


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Anyway, as I fiddled around with my jar of vaseline, I kept looking around for something else to buy with it.

haha :D Tissues, maybe?

Then you go find the hottest cashier (ok, best of the bad bunch) and while he is processing your order, stare at him constantly.


Tissues, maybe?

I don't think that would help distract the cashier from the vaseline, though...I think it might make it worse somehow :))

:)) The only guy I've noticed working there does not qualify as even remotely hot, I assure you :))


:) Oh, I'm not here to help!

That pot of Vas is quite big but when you do need another maybe a day trip to find the hottest Vaseline seller could be in order.


Oh, I'm not here to help!

I should've guessed :P

Yes, I should go on such a trip, don't worry, I'll document it all on the blockchain :)) Might even ask the community to decide which is the hottest (because there are just so many highly attractive men selling shit at the store :)))

I too am a big foot. All the better to balance with :) I know the shoe pains. I've tried on shoes that I knew weren't the right size out of denial so many times, like Come on, there is nothing reasonable in an 8.5 here. All these sizes must run big.

I have a small bit of eczema on one of my fingers. And it is really annoying. It likes to crack. Mine rarely flairs so long as I only use castile hand soap, but I will keep the vaseline in mind.


Incredibly, I'm often clumsy as hell :)) So not so sure about that balance!
Shopping for shoes is hellish - I just look around for the boxes that have my number on them, as opposed to looking for a model I like :))

It's annoying as hell, tell me about it! I've wanted to get castille soap forever now, but I keep forgetting - I know it's supposed to be very good, though, so I'll try and see where I can find some. Well, used the vaseline a couple times now and it really seems great. My hands feel moisturized and that bit is far less itchy, thank heavens.

Thank you for commenting :)


Ha, I cut right to the chase and look for the number on the box too.

I look forward to my own awkward adventure buying some vaseline ;)


This post has been manually curated, resteemed
and gifted with some virtually delicious cake
from the @helpiecake curation team!

Much love to you from all of us at @helpie!
Keep up the great work!


♥♥♥ That shitty shoe made me laugh.. Thank you!! Best wishes for you, from a fellow bigfoot!
Manually curated by @paintingangels.


Haha thank you :D Glad someone understands!

Ah I buy Vaseline all the time, exactly for its moisturising properties xD it’s best applied after showering directly on damp skin according to the Asians. Some use it on the face too. As for other uses ^^ id be a lot more suspicious of someone buying baby oil lol


Thank you :D I've heard about using it on the face, but I just don't know...some say it's good, some say it clogs pores. Guess I'll see how it works for my hands first and go from there ;)

suspicious of someone buying baby oil

Now that's an idea :)))


Yeah it depends on the skin. The way to do it is put a tiny amount while still in the shower before drying with a towel :)

i love posts that bring a smile on my face. On an unpredictable side note, vaseline is great to put on the poles of your batteries against corrosion so the counter look 'why the f are you looking like that?" is a possibility.

Wish we had communities already, a vaseline community would be awesome :-)

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Makes perfect (innocent) sense :)) Didn't know about the batteries, but I'll keep it in mind for next time. I was going to say I'll buy some batteries as well, but then I thought a bit about it - yeah, batteries and vaseline, that should seem completely innocent :))

Glad I made you smile ;)

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I also have some dried skin on one of my feet due to a friendly dog but I had no idea that the help will come in form of vaseline 😂 To be honest I had to google to find out other uses, because I thought that is called lube 🤣🤣

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You crack me up! Nuff said. 🤣

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