Time To Grow

These past few days, I've been procrastinating a lot. Instead of actually painting on a canvas, I've been doing other less important stuff. Like random. Accepting other projects, making random sketches, painting random unimportant stuff on a paper, cleaning my room. Doing whatever I can just to avoid facing the canvas and make art. You know, art, those paintings that you can show to your portfolio.

_{(Random avocados and banana sketches can't be put on my portfolio cos I don't consider these as my "art" lol)}

I am terrified of facing the canvas. Funny, right. An artist terrified of creating. This isn't even an artist's block. In fact, I have lots of sketches in my concept book ready to be painted on a canvas. But, why am I terrified of it?

I'm afraid to make mistakes.

I know, we're humans and that it's natural to make mistakes. But cos of mistakes (in art and life in general), it made me terrified and conscious to make another. In every serious painting that I do, I always sketch and study them carefully. Always looking for what's missing and what's wrong.

"Is the color scheme right for the mood of the painting?"
"Are the elements effectively arranged?"
"What technique are you going to use?"
"Does the concept make sense"

These are just some of the questions that run through my mind. I stare at the rough sketch until I become overwhelmed and overthink and worry, and eventually close the sketch pad. Woops.

I wonder how many artists have this too. Instead of just letting the natural creativity flow through my mind, there's this small little barrier that stops me from doing so. I guess that's the knowledge that I gained with creating art? I think it's a lot easier if I know less because I wouldn't know the mistakes that I've been making. xD

Now that I have nothing else to do, it's time to face my problem. _{(Even though technically I am still delaying it by writing this post lol)} I have 4 canvases waiting in front of me. Sure, it's really easy to say "just do it" but it's really hard to do. But OK I SHOULD STOP TALKING NOW

I'll always keep in mind that with mistakes, I'll be able to grow. Just keep making mistakes and learn from it, I guess.

I guess this is it.

There's also a lovely lizard staring at me.
I think he wants to talk about our lord and savior?
Who wants to chat? I'm hungry
JK gonna shut up now.