There is a saying " there is nothing to fear but fear itself " and whilst it is true it does not stop the feelings inside. I hope one day you can forgive yourself for any and all things that happened to you whether as a child or an adult because unless you forgive yourself you will never heal. You did nothing wrong as a child, you were a victim, it was not your fault - all meaningless words unless you look at them and understand them.
I hope you find peace in your heart because you deserve it