I suppose in publishing this particular matter you are open to some response which might not all over confirm your so far taken insights. It takes courage to do so and I appreciate that.

Now my comment:

I think the best thing you can learn from your encounters is to shed light on your own expectations; what you have done to a certain extent. I would like to confirm this. Breakdowns in friendships, always involve two people.

You said you didn't have any expectations. But when you wanted to see what you had given rewarded from a certain point in time, you were rejected. You can support others for years and the benefit of being a helper or giver always breaks your neck when you don't realize that your giving has only been encapsulated in time and space to be called later on for something in return. You rang in the time of this return.

When I was reading, I wondered why your wife didn't take control herself of the subtle unfriendliness she encountered. Is it possible that you fertilise a constellation that calls you as the one who takes care of these matters and lets the conflicts live out while she avoids a direct confrontation? Have you ever asked your wife why, when she notices that she is rejected or someone being harsh on her if she could handle it herself?

She could have told you about the experiences she had in her personal encounters with those people. Instead, she chose the way to tell you what weaknesses or mistakes she identified in some of them. This could be true for her and perceived as true, but is it also true for you?

According to my life experience, the most useful thing for me is someone else's assessment or advice when he tries to uncover someone else's strengths and resources instead of emphasizing his mistakes. We all have them, after all. I would like to ask you to widen the scope somewhat:

What would be, if you look at the friends, where you have been mostly the taker, as a compensation and put them in relation to those, with whom you have predominantly taken the role of a donor?

Do your experiences then get a different coloration?
Do you get the feeling that at a higher level, compensation has already taken place?

I see it this way: I have people in my life who have helped me a lot. I gave them little or nothing back, and often didn't even come up with the idea. Nevertheless, they are close to my heart and I am grateful to them. Sometimes, after years, I tell them when it's fitting.

Then there were people to whom I gave a lot and who did me no special favours or no favours at all.

Then there were and still are people where the flow between giving and taking is optimal.

P.S. and then all this roles also could change within the course of events in time and space. You seem to do good in life. That is what counts.