I was hooked by age three and spent all the way into my early adulthood chasing after it effects ambushing the daylights out of it--caffeine and soda addiction.

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Most will spend their entire lives without realizing how bad they are addicted. Many just laugh it off with a joke “You don’t want to see me without my morning cup of Joe.” Even when you look it up on sites like WebMD they use words like “may have symptoms” and these will only last a “couple of days (1).”

You think to yourself a couple days of a headache and I’ll be free from wasting all that money every month on something that is making me miserable. Sign me up! Expect it was not just a few days. Before I get into-- I was not just your normal drinker of a Soda or two a day kind of user.

Youth Fueled By Sugar And Caffeine

Photo taken by @enjar
Around three I started to drink pop (for those who don’t live up north you might know it as Soda.) While I don’t recall the details I’m sure it started off simple like many things in life. Just a couple sips or half a cup of pop here or there. For whatever reason, society views this as a normal thing to allow kids to have. I have often seen family members and extended friends allow the young ones to have quite an amount of caffeine. Why when they are already jumping off the walls would they need more sugar and a substance called caffeine is beyond my understanding.

From a very young age, I’ve always hated sleeping. There are just so many things I want to learn, do, and understand that the concept of sleeping six to eight hours a night baffles my mind. So Soda and I became best friends. It gave me what I wanted that caffeine with a load of sugar. I also grew up loving the flavor that made drinking it all-- enjoyable. It was more than that it was that “pop” every time you opened it. In that very crisp explosive sound that everyone in a room would know what it was (I sound like an addict.)

For a large part of my life, I was in the Scouts and I loved gaming. Looking back now I swear every other weekend I was either camping, hiking, or biking my weekends away enjoying the great outdoors. During the weeks I was up all night every night gaming. Naturally, a little help that came in the size of several cans provided my needs of fuel for adventure, wonder, and the no sleep club.

I recall one particular trip we had. We were preparing for better part of the year for a two-week backpacking in Big Horn Mountains. The golden rule was “every extra ounce hurts” which translates to not having any Soda and very little sugar treats outside of “trail mix.” On the several days ride up we made sure to not miss out. We didn’t just consume Soda we were deplorable of addiction! I recall one kid chugging down entire two-liter bottles of Soda at a time. Needless to say, as soon as we step out of those cars when we arrived – THAT MOUNTAIN WAS OURS. Afterword’s on our way back we were exhausted out and needed our fix. We had three giant coolers filled to the brim with Soda. Hotel front desk might have called the room three or four times and sent someone up once due to “noise complaints.” How we didn’t set the place on fire is beyond belief.

I Don’t Care Where Is My Soda

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I had quite a few experience in life where I needed that endless pickup similar to one already mentioned. By high school, I was no longer in the scouts since we moved. If there was no Soda in the house I was a grumpy teenager that hated you and your stupid face for not having my dang Soda. Every three day weekend or holiday I rarely slept. I didn't need sleep. I had my good friend Soda. He knows exactly what I needed and it was spending time with him and his sugar infused caffeine. Sleep was for the weak (or those who were not out of there dang minds.)

Over time things just kept getting worse my friend Soda started demanding more and more just to stay good friends. I went off to college and often studied till the wee hours of the morning until my eyes were so tired everything became blurry. While I’ve always hated coffee I started carving it as well. I use to love having those Frappuccino coffees that came in a 4 pack of glass bottles from the store. I use to think they tasted like spit but much better than normal black coffee. I’d just bring the entire pack of 4 into my room and have 1 or 2 back to back.

“Diet” Soda

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At one point in my life I thought to have 6 to 8 Sodas a day and maybe some coffee was enough to keep me going. People in my life started to get concerned about my weight gain and introduced me to the wonderful world of “diet Soda” with that magical ingredient – Aspartame.

Was I wrong as ever? Within a year I was downing a 12 pack a day or more. I was hiding cans in trash bags in my closest. My desk and any free surface space had cans, I was hauling cans out to recycling bin under the disguise of darkness. I was no longer getting up a few times a day to go to the refrigerator for Soda. I was bringing back two or three cans a time and sometimes I drank them one after another after another.

The worst part has I hated the taste of diet Soda. It was awful and even worse it burned my throat going down and my teeth wherein constant pain from every sip I took. I was miserable. No matter how much I drank I could never keep my friend Soda happy anymore. He laughed at me. Every time I woke up I need a can or two. Did I want to sleep? Well for whatever reason I could only sleep after chugging down two cans. How the heck does that even work I will never understand.

The Real Devil

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He stops being my friend and I started to see him for what he was—the devil. Every time you would go shopping that stuff was going on sale like it was going out of business. You no longer bought 5 24 packs you got 20 and they were more than happy to deep discount it as well. I had friends who bought so much Soda they made forts and thrones out of them! It scared the daylights out of me how many cases we had. On top of a bunch in the kitchen, I had my own “private stash” in my bedroom for “emergencies.”

I woke up one morning in the mind-bending pain of anguish that I could just not shake off. Making matters worse I could not open my mouth wide enough to eat. So I just stop eating for a couple days hoping things would get better. We were poor and I was without health insurance. A couple days go by with no food or Soda and I’m not feeling or looking so well. So I get taken in and for $500 a tooth was pulled. It was so bad the guy stayed after working hours hoping they could get my jaw open wide enough to get at it, or they were sending me to the hospital.

I vowed that night I never wanted anything to do again with caffeine, or aspartame, or Soda. Turns out I mostly can stay no to two out of three things. With the very restricted use of the other.

Fight

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I went cold turkey as they say. I thought “this won’t be hard a week or two at most and I’ll be fine.

My dreams where no longer safe harbor for my imagination to play it was now filled with commercials of drinking Soda and I would wake up recalling the sounds a can opening up. I would open my eyes and I would be in the refrigerator again holding a can of Soda in my hand.

The only way I work out how to beat an addiction was to fill it with another addiction. So I told myself every time I opened the refrigerator I would grab a bottle of water instead. Sometimes I would make it back to my desk and have to walk all the way back to replace the Soda can with a water bottle. Sometimes I just got sick of making the same mistake over and over so I left them unopened on my desk (one night a few of them leaked and made one giant mess…) It took a couple of weeks but eventually, I didn’t even have to remind myself I was there only to get water.

Worst was the headaches. These were not your “I just did 3 hours of Math my brain wants out of its skull.” The frost of the mind was ablaze and I could not give it want it wanted to put out those flames. It was like a never-ending train; day in and day out. I was shocked it took a couple of months before I realized there were no headaches or maybe I just had gone crazy by then and there was no spoon of the mind left.

My room was littered like it us to be with cans but this time half drunken water bottles. They were on the floor, all over my desk, I had bags full of half full water bottles. Sometimes I got sick of water so I tried other things: orange juice, lemonade, tea, Gatorade. Whatever it was it did not want I wanted and did little to keep me happy.

I was never so tired in my life. My body understood it could finally after so many years of abuse be allowed to rest. Often too tired to do anything and yet too tired to even sleep. Some days I’d just sleep the day away while others I was just awake but in a daydreaming haze hoping to fall asleep.

I don’t recall exactly when in January of 2015 that enough was enough.

Since then I have some slip ups.

As far as I’m aware only had Aspartame once it was in a food product that was not even labeled as “diet” which is just strange. I read food labels a lot more these days to make sure.

As far as my main devil – caffeine. I’ve only had it twice and only found out afterword’s that it was in my food. People say things like “how did you like the special ingredient? “I added some caffeine in there to spice things up for the long night.” Needless to say, I was not very kind in return.

I still have days where I really just want that caffeine. I see people of my generation downing giant energy drinks and sometimes multiples and I just think –that would have been me.

I’m just thankful it was nothing worse than caffeine. Turns out I don’t need all that sugar or caffeine. I don’t sleep well and stay up for longer then I like just fine without it. Guess that is the irony of life. You get what you wanted just not right away.

Information

Written by @enjar about my life experience dealing with caffeine and soda addiction along with my struggle to give it up.

1. https://www.webmd.com/diet/caffeine-myths-and-facts#1

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