How violence against children sows the seeds of the totalitarian state

Connecting abuse to the totalitarian state

Every once in awhile I come across some article that finally makes the connection between child abuse and the tendency for government to abuse the people they claim to represent. A recent installment came in the form of this article, "What Reading "For Your Own Good" Taught me About Violent Parenting (Part 1)", by Sterlin Luxan (@sterlinluxan). Mr. Luxan's article mostly talks about violence in child rearing, but briefly alludes to the connection between violence against children and the totalitarian state.

One really interesting aspect of said article is the notion that people are not naturally evil. I have seen a scientific basis to support such a notion. "Evil" is learned behavior, pure and simple, and it is not a result of "original sin" as some might put it. Sure there may be some people who lack the physical capacity to distinguish between good and evil or right and wrong. We call those people psychopaths because we can identify the cause of their behavior using science.

But most people seem to know what they are doing, and when one does a really awful thing to someone else, they just lack the skills to do better. Yes, they've made a conscious decision to do harm to another, but I bet if they were shown another way, they'd do it.

So here is where What Reading "For Your Own Good Taught Me About Violent Parenting gets really interesting, it's the section on psychohistory. There, Luxan raises two illuminating questions. First, what psychological reasons cause people to go to war? Second, why do people engage in human sacrifice and witch burning? I'd say it's child rearing practices that teach fear and obedience rather than practical problem solving skills.

Drawing some parallels between parenting and government

Since I've read that article, I've wondered if there are any parallels between child rearing practices and totalitarian governments. So I'm going to write a few examples of typical language I've witnessed and translate them into what a government might say:

"Go to your room!" - Go to jail.

"You're grounded!" - Go to jail.

Tell me who broke the window or you're grounded. - Leniency for confession, or what would otherwise be a bribe. I'm reminded of the Richard Gere movie, "Red Corner" here.

"Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about!" - This is what I see when a government puts down a protest or a strike. How exactly is a parent threatened by a child crying?

"Don't talk back to me, young man, or you're going to get it!" - A direct violation of the First Amendment in freedom of expression. And how exactly is a parent threatened by what a kid says?

How adults model the totalitarian state

I think that every time a police officer shoots a kid with or without justification, that's an example of a totalitarian state. Every time a well trained, physically overwhelming police officer beats an adolescent child, that's a sign of a totalitarian state. Beating a child teaches zero skills other than, obedience or rebellion, so take your pick. But if you're building a totalitarian state, you're off to a great start right there.

The use of violence, including spanking, is an existential threat to a small child. The threat of isolation, as in, "Don't talk to me!" imposed by a parent, is also an existential threat. Small children are completely dependent on their parents for nurturing and support. They see the threat of violence as a threat to their life. They see the threat of isolation also as a threat to their lives. The reason for this is that they do not have enough power to care for themselves. They recognize their dependence on the parent.

But as kids get older, as they mature, they discover their own power. They discover that they too, can say, "don't talk to me!", run down the hall to their room and slam the door. They discover that they can bail out and go to their friend's house, where they can discuss in private, what just happened. That is called "rebellion". A parent who cannot justify their authority is essentially commanding a totalitarian state in microcosm, and is teaching totalitarianism to his or her children.

Conversely, violent parenting teaches obedience. Violent parenting normalizes government violence against the people the government claims to serve. Violent parenting teaches that it's normal to go to the town square and watch someone be hanged. That it's normal for police to be violent. That it's normal for a nation to go to war over natural resources.

When kids see the wanton exhibition of power by their parents, as they grow older, they begin to think they can do the same. They begin to normalize the exercise of power without justification. With obedience, they are more willing to accept bribes in return for compliance. I think this is exceptionally true for those who rise to a position of power in government. With that kind of power, they can do real damage to many people over a trivial offense and be perfectly at peace about it in their own minds.

Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness

If America is truly the land of the brave and home of the free, Americans must look within to see where they are sowing the seeds of the totalitarian state they claim to so vehemently oppose. They must admit that natural resources acquired through war (as in conquering a nation or "nation building"), or threat of the use of force, is at best, robbery. They must come to admit that violence in the home is one of the biggest threats to personal freedom, for the exercise of freedom requires certain skills which violence can never teach.

The primary skill that is never taught by violence is the use of internal motivation to do better. In other words, violence destroys the internal motivation already in kids from birth, to do better. Kids already want to do better, they only need support and encouragement to do so. Violence does not teach internal motivation. It teaches that motivation comes from without, not within.

If a kid is crying and you want him or her to stop crying, you must demonstrate what it means to be calm. If you want a kid to stop yelling at you, stop yelling at him. If you want a kid to stop hitting other kids, stop hitting that kid. If you want a kid to stop bullying other kids, don't bully the kid. If you want a kid to stop cussing, well, stop cussing around a kid. If you want a kid to be peaceful, you must be peaceful.

Kids learn by imitation. They do what their parents do because everything a parent does is seen as a survival skill. That is how they're wired to learn from birth. From talking to walking, they learn it from adults in their environment. If you are a tyrant, they will grow up to be a tyrant. But if you truly believe in life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, then you better get used to modeling that behavior, for that is the best way to teach kids what all that "liberty" stuff means.