How I met "the observer" in the process of creation

Parent, adult, child

When I was a much younger man, I learned about the three components of the psyche as described in Transactional Analysis (TA). TA as I learned it from family and marriage counselor, Robert Subby, found three components within the psyche: Parent, adult and child.

The parent is the internalized parent that you know and hear in your head, telling you what to do and what not to do. For many people, that component of the psyche is critical, demanding and very difficult to please. It has been suggested by some that people commit suicide just to turn that voice off. We know now, that the way to subdue that voice is to talk to it.

The child component of the psyche is just that part of you that you remember as a child. That part of you that comes out when there are children around, and that encourages you to play with the children. The child component can still be nervous around your living parents if you were abused as a child. The child component of the psyche can also be the inspiration for your art if you practice any art.

The adult component of the psyche is a sort of observer, the part of the psyche that observes, without judgment, what is going on around him or her. The adult is gathering information, making plans, and makes decisions without feeling, or as I like to say, "when the feeling passes". Today, I'd like to talk more about what I like to call the adult or, observer in me.

When I met this "observer"

I first noticed this "observer" in me years ago, when I was performing standup comedy for a church of the Science of Mind. I had figured that it was going to be a sort of podunk show, to let parents show off their kids' talents and didn't expect a very large audience.

But when I got there before the start of the show, the house was packed with better than 200 people. Then I realized that it was a family night, so I had to rewrite my set while I was still sitting in the audience, waiting for my turn. I watched another comic do her "I"m a divorced mom" routine and it was funny and edgy, so I saw that I could bring some of my set back in.

When it was my turn to get on stage, I did what I like to do: I used the energy to fuel my set for me. I don't remember all of what I said, but what I do remember is the wave of energy from the laughter in response to my first line. The whole room erupted and the laughter hit me like a big wave at the beach. I had underestimated myself again and almost lost my place in my set already. But I kept going.

As I was speaking, I could hear this other voice, making observations about my experience. There I was, doing what I loved to do, making people laugh and helping them to forget their troubles for a moment, and this voice was talking to me about my experience. When I do standup, I know that everyone in the room is at peace with themselves. That's one reason I love to do it. But on that night, I met the observer, or adult as in TA, and listened to him as I did my set.

The practice of observing

Since then, I have encountered this observer at various parts of my life, though not completely on a daily basis. I think that my encounters with the observer are becoming more frequent, however. I know this because I could feel him again, as I was writing the article I published yesterday, The motivation for creation must come from within.

In that article, I discussed the state of being I achieve everyday when I write, it's a sort of combination of meditation, bliss and peace. I'm not thinking about anything else when I write. I only think about what it is that I want to say and how I want to say it. But in the act of describing that part of my being yesterday, I realized that I was in the observer state, watching myself, noticing how I'm feeling, and what I want.

A practical use case for the "observer"

This "observer" is useful for more than just writing. I guess in times of crises, it's more of a form of detachment. I use the observer to be present when I am going through a difficult passage in my life journey. The observer allows me to take note of what is happening, how I'm feeling, and to wait until the feelings pass before taking any action. I can sort of talk to the observer when things go wrong and decide how to respond to a situation, rather than react.

It is only in the last 24 hours that I realized that I've been nurturing and respecting that part of my psyche, for more than a decade. I have internalized my experience and now I practice it with whomever I happen to be with, even when things are going well. I practice the observer daily, and have honed my responses to difficult people with it. I even use it in customer service work to demonstrate a sort of command presence on the phone and to assure the customer that I'm going to handle whatever problems come up.

Is the "observer" a transferable skill?

I'm not even sure how I can teach someone else how to do this. For now, I'm just taking note of it to share it with you. Maybe you know already what I'm talking about. Maybe not. All I can tell you right now is that in some of my most difficult moments in adulthood, that observer has been there for me, working for me, and has save my fanny numerous times.

The observer in me has allowed me to take stock of my sadness, my joy and my peace, without judgment or fear. The observer is interested in one thing: how to just be and know that everything will be alright. As I think about it now, the observer is the part of me that allows me to say that "I am agnostic as to all things". I just want to see what happens next, without expectations, and to accept it without reservation.

Some people might call what I'm doing, "being present" or "mindfulness". I'm not even sure if that is what I'm doing, but I think those ideas fit. I can say with confidence that working with the observer has allowed me to live a life of relative peace for many years now, regardless of what anyone might call that state of being.