Why Do I Always Want What I Don't Have?

in life •  3 months ago


Yesterday, I traveled to another city to take care of some tax papers for my new business. I did everything in one day and it was so tiring. It was just because I didn't want to stay long enough in that city. I missed the comfort of my own place straight away. On the way back, I had plenty of time to think during the 6-hour bus ride. I started thinking about the things and people that I used to have in my life. Feeling conflicted, I began wanting something new again.

There are times that everything seems like just a dream. One day I woke up and I'm in another place then in a different one the next. Years passed just like that, jumping from one moment to another. Everything was like a passing show. It feels weird, or perhaps, this is just me getting older. I love those years though as I have experienced things that one should experience at least once in this life. Nothing wasted, everything was part of the learning experience.

However, why is it that I still want to be there when I'm already here? I think part of being human is wanting something new. I like everything new in one way or another. My brain is programmed to be attracted to new things, places, and people. It's like when I moved to a new country, I'm surrounded by new sights and sounds. My brain is overloading with a lot of new information. I get that quick dopamine rush whenever I have something new. However, after just being a week in that place, everything became old and ordinary. After walking the same route and seeing the same faces, everything quickly became boring. Whenever I find myself in a new place or situation, deep down I know, this too shall pass. I always say that even a beautiful place loses its charm.

I think it's just human nature to believe that the grass is greener on the other side. You always desire for things that you don't have. For example, you've been working almost all your life and now you desire to quit everything and travel long-term. Then after traveling for a while, you start craving stability. The excitement that comes with traveling to different places and meeting new people also becomes old. It is just hard to not to belong. It seems that it is quite challenging to find the right balance in this life.

In this day and age, I attribute the loss of meaning to people's attachment to comfort and convenience. For example, even the guys in this town desire convenient girls. There's a convenient app for easy hookup. Sure, nobody can judge but where does it lead to in the end? Emptiness and loss of fulfillment. It has never been easier to throw something that has been easily gotten. It's funny that men will even indicate upfront like 'only for tonight' and 'nothing serious'. Then one day, they will be dirty old and nobody likes them anymore. It's the time to put 'ready for any girls and a serious relationship'. It's the time to travel somewhere else cheap where it's easier to obtain that goal by preying on the need of girls. Even in old age, people still want everything convenient. I don't wonder anymore why there's rampant depression around. People just don't want to work hard for something more meaningful, something that can be valued for life.

This is the generation of compulsive notification checkers and internet addicts. People want to check right away for that new message, like or comment. That red notification on your phone wanting your immediate attention is for your desire to get something new, for instant gratification. And there you are, easily get controlled by it too.

It's not that I don't like what I have at the moment, it's just that once I've achieved something, it becomes a very easy task. I guess it's just the natural tendency of human beings. To seek out something new is hardwired into my brain, and yours too, anything unusual or different is bound to catch your eye.

The good thing about desiring what you don't have is that you become open to learning. You can make use of this knowledge to your advantage by learning new things and improving your memory. I guess there's nothing wrong with wanting what you don't have, it's the chance to try something new in this life. Perhaps you can learn a new language, read a new book, start a business, meet people or change your environment. New experiences can make life worth living.

On the other hand, it's also the main cause of inner conflicts and dissatisfaction. It makes happiness very short-lived. I think it is important to learn to differentiate between 'want' and 'need'. I used to worry about moving to a different place, and I remember how stressful it was to be in that situation. Now that I've achieved stability somewhat, I begin wanting different things, like how I want to travel again, meet new people and all that. However, knowing the challenges during those hard times on the road, it makes me appreciate what I have right now. I need to recognize that these are just spur-of-the-moment desires. I look back to see how far I've come. In the end, it's still best to be grateful for the things that I have right now for my own inner satisfaction and happiness.

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I like and agree of what ur talking about... Kinda sad that 96 upvoters didn't got a chance to read it...
or listen to it by @tts services...

"On the other hand, it's also the main cause of inner conflicts and dissatisfaction." I think that one can strike a good balance but you are right that is the risk of being too driven by desire.

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I guess it's just the natural tendency of human beings"

In one post, on a personal level, you have covered the two major political movements of the world: the conservative impulse to value and keep safe the things you have, and the liberal one, to open new doors, let in new people, learn new things, to progress.

Your post suggests that the conservative and liberal impulses are both instinctive and both important: the yin and yang of life that must both be accepted, and balanced, to have a good life. :)

It's an inept human nature to want to try something new, something different and then compare it to the previous one. It's also natural that we begin to get bored with certain things as we get used to them.